Daily Archives: March 5, 2006

News of the Weird, Wired

Posted on by

There are a select few readers for whom Giant Squid news is not enough. Nay, even the Colossal Squid news cannot satisfy their voracious appetites for the bizarre, the amusing, the chance to laugh at some sucker named “Wayne.”

For these people, there is News of the Weird.

A selection from the most recent bulletin:

After Seattle police chased a carjacking suspect into a tree in February, bystanders gathered around and laughed, but the suspect, still defiant, yelled at them, “It’s not funny!” (However, according to a KIRO-TV reporter, some in the crowd yelled back, “Yes it is!”) [KIRO-TV (Seattle), 2-3-06]

Undignified Deaths:

A 21-year-old man was shot to death inside a stranger’s home at 1:45 a.m., perhaps after having missed the bumper sticker on the homeowner’s truck, reading, “Gun control means using both hands.” (Rochester, N.H., September). [Foster’s Daily Democrat (Dover, N.H.), 9-17-05]

More Things to Blame on Bush:

Two gunmen robbed a 57-year-old woman in her Westerville, Ohio, home in February, but, according to a police report, argued among themselves about how to do the job, until one of the men, perhaps feeling sorry for himself, said, “This is all George W. Bush’s fault. He screwed up the economy.” All the two men needed, he said, was “gas money for the car.” [WCMH-TV (Columbus), 2-3-06] 

American Pride:

In January, spokesman Nick Inskip of the trade association of Australia’s legalized brothels and strip clubs praised the American sailors who that week began several days’ shore leave in Brisbane. “(T)he fellows are fantastic customers,” he said. “They are so well-mannered. … They’re very aware that they’re representing their country, and that’s why they behave so well.” [Courier-Mail (Brisbane), 1-24-06]

Breaking: Operation Global Media Domination Makes Bold Move

Posted on by

TIAQuick bloggy note: since the start of this blog, very late the night of February 27th, 2006 (ie less than a week ago) it’s gone up in the Technorati rankings by over 100,000. I swear, that makes it totally worth chewing through the leather straps every morning.

and today in Giant Squid news

Posted on by

Squid painting

Forgive me if I’m a little late on these no-longer-breaking Giant Squid stories; all you Giant Squidfans out there, sorry!

There’s some fun stuff on the BBC website, including this, a story about a newly-discovered shark species that literally eats Giant Squid for breakfast. We are, therefore, acknowledging its kickassiness by capitalizing, in all future blog posts, the species name “Sleeper Shark.” You just never know when one of them might take offense, so better safe than sorry, eh? And you should see what it eats for dinner!

Sleeper Shark

Awww, ain’t he purty? And dainty-looking, too. Here’s a snippet from the article:

When French marine biologists opened the stomachs of 36 sleeper sharks accidentally killed by trawlers, they collected the remains of at least 49 colossal squid and eight giant squid.

But wait! you say. I heard you there, don’t try to pretend otherwise! What, you say, is a colossal squid? Er, scuse me, Colossal Squid?

Why, I’m glad you asked.

Colossal Squid chart

This, ladies and gentlemen and invertebrates, is a Colossal Squid. And here is the article about it. It reads, in part:

“Giant squid is no longer the largest squid that’s out there. We’ve got something that’s even larger, and not just larger but an order of magnitude meaner.”

This squid has one of the largest beaks known of any squid and also has unique swivelling hooks on the clubs at the ends of its tentacles.

“When this animal was alive, it really has to be one of the most frightening predators out there. It’s without parallel in the oceans,” said Dr O’Shea, whose work is sponsored by Discovery Channel.

The best part? The fact that Dr O’Shea classifies this specimen, with a mantle length of 2.5 m, as “juvenile.” That’s up there with “cloning” for coolitude.

Colossal Squid Autopsy

clean as a whistle. you know how to whistle, don’t you?

Posted on by

In honour of International Women’s Day. Please let this be a joke. 

Lysol

It alleges to be an old ad for a feminine hygene product: Lysol. That’s right, Lysol, the stuff I used to kill the mushrooms and mildew in my livingroom. Worked like a dream, although when I was looking after horses for a living we were always cautioned not to use the stuff on their feed buckets, because it was too toxic. I do hope this image is a joke, and the spelling mistakes in the text of the full version don’t help its case for plausibility, but the current news coming out of South Africa, where they use borax, dirt, or salt, leads one to believe people are stupid enough to have done this. Yeah, on second thought, people are stupid enough to have done this. Here’s the text in full, all italics original:

Often a wife fails to realize that doubts due to one intimate neglect shut her out from happy married love

A man marries a woman because he loves her. So instead of blaming him if married love begins to cool, she should question herself. Is she truly trying to keep her husband and herself eager, happy married lovers? One most effective way to safeguard her dainty feminine allure is by practicing complete feminine hygene as provided by vaginal douches with a scientifically correct preparation like “Lysol.” So easy a way to banish the misgivings that often keep married lovers apart.

Germs destroyed swiftly

“Lysol” has amazing, proved power to kill germ-life on contact…truly cleanses the vaginal canal even in the presence of mucous matter. Thus “Lysol” acts in a way that makeshifts like soap, salt or soda never can.

Appealing daintiness is assured, because the very source of objectionable odors is eliminated.

Use whenever needed!

Yet gentle, non-caustic “Lysol” will not harm delicate tissue. Simple directions give correct douching solution. Many doctors advise their patients to douche regularly with “Lysol” brand disinfectant, just to insure feminine daintiness alone, and to use it as often as necessary. No greasy aftereffect.

For feminine hygiene, three times more women use “Lysol” than any other liquid preparation. No other is more reliable. You, too, can rely on “Lysol” to help protect your married happiness…keep you desirable!

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

13 out of 30’s not bad

Posted on by

Behold the 30 books everyone should read before they die, at least according to the Guardian and the librarians they consulted, follwed by tick marks to indicate which ones I have read and, therefore, to what extent you may condescend to/suck up to me. It’s a bit heavy on the recent stuff; surely Paradise Lost should be in there somewhere, to say nothing of Brave New World, although at least with that one they could, given modern life, defend themselves with the indisputable claim that it’s redundant. It also seems to indicate that Charles Dickens was the greatest author the English language has ever known, a claim which is itself one of the great comedic set pieces. Much like the death of Little Nell, it just never ceases to bring a tear to the eye and a hearty laugh to the belly.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee N
The Bible Y
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien Y
1984 by George Orwell Y
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens Y
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte N must I?
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen Y
All Quiet on the Western Front by E M Remarque N
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman N but I will in two weeks when I go house-sitting
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks N but I have some of his other stuff
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck Y
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding Y
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon N That became a classic rather quickly, didn’t it?
Tess of the D’urbevilles by Thomas Hardy Y, Unfortunately. Nuff said!
Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne Y
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte N Again, must I?
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham Y Although I find it vastly inferior to T. H. White’s The Once and Future King
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell N
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens Y
The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger N
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold N But I own it; it’s around here somewhere, probably underneath a pile of Vanity Fairs.
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran N Although I have read many a snippet as part of someone’s email signature
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens N Don’t wanna. Can’t make me.
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho Y
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov N
Life of Pi by Yann Martel Y And met the man. Now may I be excused from reading David Copperfield?
Middlemarch by George Eliot N And it may interest you to know that neither Eliot, nor any of the Brontes, have made it into any of the three editions of the Norton Anthology of English Literature which I own.
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver N
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess N But I love his other stuff, will get to this one day.
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzenhitsyn N Is it really better than The Gulag Archipelago?