blogging: act III, scene 1: an allegory in iambic pentameter (more or less)

NEED MORE MONKEYS

The Big Question

To blog, or not to blog: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the blogosphere to suffer
The flames and scrapings of outrageous trolls,
Or to take arms against a web of aggro
And by contacting their ISPs, end it? To ban: to delete;
No more; and by deletion to say we end
The meme-pests and the thousand spam comments
That blogs are heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To ban: to delete;
To delete: perchance to start a forum: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that Technorati void what YouTubes may rest unblogged
When we have shuffled off this blogging platform,
Must give us pause: there’s the dynamic ranking
That makes calamity of a dead URL;
For who would bear the Monty Python quotes and casino links of trolls,
The support staff’s delay, the corporate parent’s avarice,
The pangs of despised fandom, the copyright infringement enforcement,
The insolence of office workers and the spurns
That regular updating of the dilettantish LiveJournallers takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a critical keystroke? who would Farkers bear,
To grunt and sweat under flourescent lights,
But that the dread of missing a new meme,
The undiscover’d bit bucket from whose bourn
No blogmeister returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those glitches we have
Than fly to platforms that we know not of?
Thus WordPress does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of e-cool-hunting
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of doubt,
And blogs of great pith and merriment
With this regard their RSS feeds turn awry,
And lose the name of action.–Soft you now!
The fair Bloggie Awards! Nymph, in thy nominations
Be all my Top Posts remember’d.

Show me the luv at the Bloggie Awards, people!

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17 thoughts on “blogging: act III, scene 1: an allegory in iambic pentameter (more or less)

  1. I am just commenting on the photo, I couldn’t stop smiling when I found how much I find mysefl with the monkey with the blog.

  2. Excellent!! I love that and in the true spirit of blogging will steal it immediately and paste it across the blogosphere, making the babbling gossips of the air cry out ‘Raincoaster’! Oh you should not rest between the elements of air and Earth, but you should carry on blogging gal. Nice one!

  3. I could have done that, but I only have access to a finite number of monkeys and I’d have to have them back to the lab before the Professor noticed they were gone.

    So I tried to get the same effect using an unfeasibly large number of voles. No dice. And the less said about the infinity-minus-one fighting fish, the better.

    Still, I am optimistically saving up for a ludicrous number of lemurs, and am booking off September to May.

  4. Archie, of course the ground was disturbed. I had to hold a seance to get the consultant for this, and who do you think they sent me? Cast neither slings nor arrows. JV, there’s a little monkey in all of us (mine has wings!). Thanks, Philipa, I am grateful to know I have inspired others. Metro, lemurs won’t work. You have to use squid, of course. More arms for typing. caveblogem is quite correct; with eight arms and two tentacles, iambic pentameter comes easily to all types of Squid.

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  6. Bacon … mmm.

    Y’know there always was something hammy about this place.

    Of course Shakespeare was Bacon. But the truth has been carefully covered up by a cabal of artists and directors. After all, would you want to work for the Royal Bacon Company?

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