melon baller!
30 Jan 2007 19 Comments
in Blogroll, Dating, Humour, Porn, Sex, Singles, Weird, humor, sad
Sometimes you run across evidence of another person’s sex life on the internet and you think:
- Wow. I guess I’m normal then.
- Wow. No wonder he’s got no life.
- Wow. Just: Wow.
I’m not sure if DefrostIndoors who passed this along to me wants her name, or even her alias, associated with this. I have no need to know how she stumbled across this. I have no urge to know how she stumbled across this. Really, I’m just going to assume she was trying to find a new kitchen utensil when she ran across the innovative, yet pathetic and disgusting…
“Ok i’ve had the melons since yesterday. Cost me about $5 for two of them. Now how do i carve the hole? I don’t want to make it too big.”
“oh yeah another thing i heated it up 2 minutes already and the inside is still hard. well it’s finally hot, but still hard. look’s like the melon’s not up for anything tonight. lol…”
Also, all that BlueBomber says is they got this off a forum and if you know anything about forums, you’ll know that you neither need nor want additional information. And yes, that’s where the pictures came from. You have just viewed fruit porn! I suppose these are NSFW if you work in the produce section. Paging Chad Vader! But do go to the site for more on the aftermath. I bet he didn’t even call the next morning!
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Jan 30, 2007 @ 21:32:32
It’s worse than that: it came up in the WordPress Tag Surfer.
Jan 30, 2007 @ 21:40:18
Oh yes? “Cantaloupe relations”? “Substitutes for NOT being pathetic”?
Jan 30, 2007 @ 22:40:44
That f-ing idiot, you’re supposed to let it soften first (I don’t think melons ripen once they’re picked, correct me if I’m wrong) before you try to molest it. Jeez, what is the world coming to? This should be common knowledge.
Sticking it in the microwave will burn his penis. And that might be a good thing. I don’t think this man should be allowed to procreate.
Jan 30, 2007 @ 22:43:55
Agreed. Particularly with melons, as that would be an extreme form of miscegenation. Melons are a fruit, while it’s obvious his famly tree sprouts vegetables.
Jan 30, 2007 @ 23:31:17
Link to defrost’s blog is broken.
I think this is an entirely appropriate link for this post:
http://engtech.wordpress.com/2007/01/30/harold-is-a-robot-2/
Jan 30, 2007 @ 23:51:09
D’oh! I shall get on that; thanks for the heads-up. I shall fix it right away.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 00:24:11
Yeah! If you’re gonna call me a perv, at least spell my URL right.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 00:25:04
Sorry. You know how it is. Every second car on the road is a Ford, every second blog on the internet is Fortean…”forteancanada” seemed like a natural.
Don’t you think “Everyrider” is kinda pervy for a MyBlogLog name? Then again, maybe that’s what you were going for. BTW have I shown you my Daniel Radcliffe in Equus post?
Jan 31, 2007 @ 01:19:32
For some reason, before the big Barbaro traffic hit, Everyrider was my leading source of referrals for a while; dunno why but it was awfully nice of them.
Yes, I saw your Equus post and I’m one of the ‘ewww’ brigade, though probably if he hadn’t been Harry Potter first I would just have looked at it and said “Enh”. Skinny little dudes don’t do it for me.
Had a hilarious conversation in the staff room once with a very down-to-earth French teacher who was making fun of how teen girls are so averse to secondary sexual characteristics on men, i.e. body hair. Reminds me of Lisa Simpson reading Non-Threatening Boys magazine.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 01:25:51
I think that’s a fashionista thing, isn’t it? I flipped through Playgirl once but every guy in there had a more extreme wax job than I do, so I put it back. Sad.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 05:44:50
Somehow I’m glad I have no baseline experience from which to venture a comment on this . I’m not even going to be melancholy about it.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 05:51:15
Bear.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 05:53:44
I was referring to the melons but, yes, I’m not keen on the idea of getting myself waxed either..
Jan 31, 2007 @ 06:05:04
A bear who’s not into melons…do you know Donnie Davies, perchance? Shall I introduce you?
Jan 31, 2007 @ 12:30:54
I was never much into Wilde – reformed or unrepentant.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 12:37:11
Oh dear. Not even six inches in?
Jan 31, 2007 @ 15:13:35
I never consodidered myself gaol-bait
Jan 31, 2007 @ 15:13:58
consodidered – where in hell did that come from?
Jan 31, 2007 @ 15:15:01
I wish I said that.
You will, you will.