my secret love, my secret shame

The chartIf this gets out, I’ll never be able to show my avatar around the British Empire again.

I have a secret crush, a secret shame. A secret so horrifying, so soul-shrinking, that even one as shameless as me can barely put it into pixels.

I have a crush on…no, I can’t say it.

It’s not his beliefs, should rarefied science ever detect any. It’s not his thoughts, which seem to be quite clever, if misguided and destructive. It’s not his actions, for which the record speaks for itself.

And god knows it’s not for his unearthly beauty.

I’m off to self-medicate with nonfiction and Mount Gay Rum. Wish me luck.

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29 thoughts on “my secret love, my secret shame

  1. [...] my secret love, my secret shame [...]

  2. raincoaster says:

    Well, the word is out. I shall never live this down.

  3. nursemyra says:

    it was the mullet that got you in wasn’t it?

  4. raincoaster says:

    Naw, I think it was his way with realpolitik. I have a thing for a man who can handle his realpolitik.

  5. You have crush on Tony Blair? That’s funny because I always though he wasn’t too shabby for an old guy! In fact, he’s very do-able. Even his top teeth are straight which is kinda nice for a Brit.

    Well, your secret isn’t so shameful. He’s powerful and he’s got straight teeth with an alluring Brit accent. Sure his suits are nice too.

  6. raincoaster says:

    Yes, and he has DREADFUL taste in women, so maybe I have a shot.

  7. Any links [to the women in question] ?

    Is he married?

  8. These Brits do have off taste in women. Just look at Charles and Camilla.

  9. raincoaster says:

    http://www.order-order.com/2007/04/totty-watch.html

    That’s Cherie Blair (or Booth, when it suits her to use her father’s famous name instead of her husband’s).

    http://images.google.ca/images?hl=en&q=Cherie+Blair&gbv=2

  10. max says:

    It is not your fault, Rain. This is an unfortunate side effect of the bad date. You are traumatized and out of your head but will recover shortly.

  11. raincoaster says:

    Ah, thank you. I fell much better now.

  12. Damn, that 1986 picture looked like genetic experimentation with Ric Ocasek, George Harrision and Rick Astley.

    You go girl! Please, go . . . .

  13. raincoaster says:

    Yeah, yeah. It’s not like anyone’s trying to distract me with nekkid Viggos or anything.

  14. max says:

    You have not looked hard enough on YouTube.

  15. raincoaster says:

    Oh believe me, I have ALL the nude scenes, including the films not released in North America. I’m just pointing out that my friends would rather complain about me than try to help me get over this bizarre fetish.

  16. max says:

    Clearly these friends are in a fugure state induced by too much Easter candy.

  17. raincoaster says:

    Which reminds me to run out to London Drugs and get some peanut butter eggs. I’m working out now, so obviously I will need the protein.

  18. I personally will come to Vancouver and prevent you from eating any more liquified green substance, including creme de menthe – I hate that stuff, and make you eat steak and seafood and anything else if it will prevent a reoccurence of that awful photo.

    Dear god, the thought of Ric Ocasek standing for Parliament gives me the willies . . . . .

  19. Metro says:

    Actually, I’d vote for Ocasek over Harper any day.

    “Ric O. and the Synth Pop Boogie Party”

    –at least as credible as the NEW GREEN Conservative Party (but not “of Canada” ‘cos we know where our loyalties lie and did we mention GREEN?)

    “Vote for the big O!” You’d pick up the women’s vote and lose only a few in Montreal.

  20. raincoaster says:

    You know, if you drink enough Creme de Menthe, like say at a completely hypothetical Christmas party or sumpin’, your [redacted] turns green.

    I’d vote for a big O!

  21. As my brethren in New Joisey might say . . .

    I gotcher big O right here . . .

  22. and I happen to like The Cars and Ric, but Ric’s still a strange lookin’ agent

  23. raincoaster says:

    He is, all the more for being married to Paulina Porizkova, the original supermodel.

    But I still say that George Stephanopoulos missed his shot by avoiding raincoaster….the fool!

  24. He repeatedly missed his shot in high school, during gym, on basketball day . . . .

  25. raincoaster says:

    Georgie was a wrestler, which is more to the point in the 21st century.

  26. Stiletto says:

    Are you going to miss Tony?

  27. raincoaster says:

    On the contrary. He’s more mobile than ever, and with less security around him!

    He might even come to Canada.

  28. [...] perhaps because of my poorly-disguised thing for preppies, but frankly, above all of them (even Tony Blair who is, come on, right wing) stands one [...]

  29. [...] This explains so much about Imaginary Boyfriend #2 (see Imaginary Boyfriend #1 here) former British Prime Minister Tony Blair. [...]

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