The Tom Cruise Scientology Constipation Video

YOU don’t know constipation cures! Tom Cruise DOES!

“I have canceled that in my area.”

That is my future t-shirt slogan.

Best. Scientology. Mashup. Evar.

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21 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jennifer
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 13:43:46

    Bwahahahahahahahaha! (gasping for air!) I’m going to be chuckling over this one for at least a week. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. kstafford
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 14:46:48

    that’s fuckin’ great! I think I flatulated from laughing so hard.

  3. Theresa
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 15:41:18

    It you only knew the benefits that Scientology does for people. I have never experienced anything like it.

    Ignorance, Ignorance reins in the media on this subject. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

    This is discrimination at it’s best.

    And I bet all of you claim your not prejediduice

  4. kstafford
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 16:08:02

    I do indeed claim not to be “prejudiduice.”

    But your right….we should be able to laugh at Scientologists just as much as we laugh at every other “religion.”

  5. moonbeammcqueen
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 19:15:47

    This was beautiful. Instead of a t-shirt slogan, maybe there should be a line of black turtleneck slogans.

  6. Metro
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 22:20:26

    “As much as I’m carrying, I feel like I have to go more …”

    Mwaaaahahahahaha!

    They don’t know psychos–we know psychos!

    Theresa honey, you’re right. I’m utterly prejudiced against cults that manipulate vulnerable people’s feelings of persecution, paranoia, and inadequacy.

    I don’t favour religion much, but I feel that Hubbardism is the Amway of religion. A sort of spiritual MLM scam.

    But I’ll give that cynicism all up if someone shows me an accuarate engineering blueprint of that “analysis” machine the seekers get hooked up to.

    If the Scientologists feel that they’re being picked on, maybe they need an engram or two cleared. Of course, it’ll cost them …

  7. raincoaster
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 01:47:29

    “prejediduice” eh?

    YOU don’t know spelling. I DO!!!

    I don’t have an issue with religions; it’s abuse and crime that I have an issue with. Also, pomposity.

    Are you saying that Scientology does NOT have the cure for constipation? I’ve seen the original video, and Cruise insists that it’s the cure for everything.

  8. raincoaster
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 01:49:22

    Metro: I have nothing against getting people to believe in your imaginary friend, except when you know him to be imaginary AND you commit human rights abuses against them to ensure that they never leave your group. Several Scientologists have gone to prison for just such crimes. Any morally-based faith would naturally abhor such tactics.

  9. moonbeammcqueen
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 02:16:32

    Okay, I’m sorry but it’s “ignorance reigns.” So that was kind of funny.

    Also, it should be “This is discrimination at its best.” There’s no apostrophe.

    Um…there SHOULD be an apostrophe in “your.” See, when it’s a contraction, you put the little “‘” in. So, it should really be “you’re not prejediduice.”

    Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. It was bugging me. I hope Scientology can cure bad spelling and grammar, as well as constipation.

  10. raincoaster
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 03:14:53

    I’m glad you did it. I’m just too lazy, but yeah, that’s the best one of all.

    They really DO need to work on their constipation, don’t they?

  11. timethief
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 06:00:36

    This was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

  12. raincoaster
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 06:28:45

    Glad you liked it. PS: YOU LIVE! Welcome back.

  13. ~m
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 19:26:13

    “turtlehead situations”
    You’re stuck in traffic and realize you just downed an X-tra large coffee and a bran muffin.
    Oh, yeah. It’s definitely a TS.
    Funny, funny, funny, Rain . . .
    ~m

  14. Frontier Former Editor
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 22:01:12

    Actually, I think the “It’s a blast” comment may be more applicable to the constipation cure issue here . . . .

  15. raincoaster
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 22:50:24

    Quite so. Have you cleared that in your “area?”

  16. Frontier Former Editor
    Jan 27, 2008 @ 23:50:01

    I’m still trying to get the voltmeter and soupcans to work, let alone ‘dump the thetans,’ if you get my meaning . . . .

  17. Trackback: Tommy Boy « Frontier Former Editor
  18. raincoaster
    Jan 28, 2008 @ 00:41:25

    Watch the latest Will Smith movie. That’ll stimulate the bowels.

  19. Frontier Former Editor
    Jan 28, 2008 @ 00:45:42

    Actually, I did kinda like I Am Legend, even if “The Last Man on Earth” was closer to Matheson’s vision. Besides, it was a neat twist: instead of Heston getting the black girl, Smith avoided the stereotype of the black guy getting the white girl

  20. raincoaster
    Jan 28, 2008 @ 00:49:36

    Didn’t he end up with an Alsatian, or was that his second-last movie?

  21. Frontier Former Editor
    Jan 28, 2008 @ 01:01:46

    Big doggy style

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