Wanted

Vicky Pollard and kids

Job posting of the year, this one.

I have a friend. My friend is smart. My friend is funny. My friend is possessed of a wide and varied range of interests and a keen appreciation for what people call “having a life” that precludes her putting mundane concepts like Calvinism, Liberal Guilt, or Suburbianism ahead of that whole life-having thing. And one day we were in conversation; well, if truth be known we were in IM or rather, I believe, GChat: one of those things for sure. And the recurring theme of prosperity and my own lack thereof arose, as it is wont to do whenever it wonts to, and she said, Come over here (meaning England). They’ve never seen a work ethic in their lives. I am serious: They will throw money at you.

And I liked the sound of that, I did. But I doubted. Yes, I doubted my good friend’s word, despite the fact that all my English friends who do have work ethics are never short of work for long and always get paid well when they’re working. I read everywhere in the English press about the terrible plague of unemployment in the country, the near-impossibility of obtaining anything approaching a living wage, and the terrible, grinding burden of the Sisyphean workload forced upon a helpless workforce by faceless corporate overlords in Monte Carlo.

But eventually I read different. I stopped reading the news and started reading the facts.

I read a starting wage of over $40,000 per year offered to someone who hadn’t yet passed final exams (capable and worthy though we know StevenL to be) and then I read something even more interesting, although not useful to those of my rarefied gender.

I read this want ad:

Teenage Pregnancy Implementation Manager

Grade 8 £29,728 to £33,291 (bar at £32,436)

Location: Joint Health Unit, Town Hall Extension, Manchester, M60 2LA

Hours: 35 per week

We are now looking for an experienced and enthusiastic individual to support the management of the local teenage pregnancy programme. The successful candidate will be a strategic thinker with strong project management skills and a proven track record of partnership working. Reporting to the Teenage Pregnancy Coordinator, the postholder will contribute to the development, implementation and monitoring … Excellent communication and negotiation skills are required…

Or at least the ability to say, “Buy you a drink?” in a Lancashire accent.

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32 thoughts on “Wanted

  1. Where do I send my resumé?

    Reminds me of the old Air Farce bit:
    Announcer: “The population explosion remains a growing crisis: In India, the Minister Responsible for Population reports that 23,000 babies are conceived every single night. Today, we are speaking to the minister responsible.”

    Minister: “I’m sorry, I can’t talk. I’ve got to rest during the day.”

  2. You have to put that starting salary in perspective. I used to live in London. About ten years ago I had a job that paid GBP 16-17K base, or about $38K Canadian. Sounds good but you have to take into account that the cost of living and taxes are higher there.

    Typically, 35% was deducted at source, leaving just over GBP 10K. I had a modest life, despite having been lucky enough to have found a housing co-op. Open market rent for a modest one bedroom flat started at about 100 pounds per week, with 120-150 being typical. That’s 5000-7500 pounds out of your 10K net earnings.

    That leaves about 50-100 pounds per week to pay for everything else, including food, vehicle, gas (petrol), electronics, and entertainment. You think gas is expensive here? It’s cheap by European standards. A pint of beer was about 2.70 pounds when I returned to Canada in 2000. Four of those a week is over 10 pounds, or 10-20 % of what’s left after you’ve paid the rent. Then there’s the 17.5% VAT included in the price of just about everything.

    As for buying her a drink, the best line I’ve heard of was, “Grab your coat, love. You’ve pulled.”

  3. £30K is a good wage – there are qualified (not necessarily graduates) middle aged men keeping a family on less than £20K. So, when are coming then?

  4. Hey, here in Oz we need more skilled people – our unemployment rates are way down and if you are warm and breathing there are good jobs available! You can look at starting wages around 30K racing up to 50K+ and with 30% deducted at source (although there is also a 9% employer contribution to a Superannuation fund – which is NOT run by the employer!)

  5. Pingback: Are You Destined For Global Domination? « Archies Archive

  6. 100 pounds per week is actually LESS than the average rent for a single bedroom apartment in Vancouver, and overall according to the UN, Canadians pay more taxes than people in the UK. What continually surprises me is the assertion by so many Brits that getting your drink on at a pub is a fundamental right that shouldn’t put a cramp in your style financially. Around here, if we can’t afford to drink, we just don’t. Getting tight is recognized as recreational, not necessary.

    But of course, I’ve never been to Luton. If I lived there, I might NEED to be wasted.

  7. I don’t know how the UN reached their conclusions, I can only comment on my own personal experience of living in both countries for extended periods. In GB, 35% was typically deducted at source whereas roughly 25% typically was in jobs here. British VAT was 17.5%, I believe. Canadian GST is now 5% and PST in BC is 7%, for a combined 12%.

    As for rents, bear in mind 100 pounds was the lowest you could have found at the time, not the average, and it was rare. 120-150 was typical but, if you could afford it, 200-300 was not uncommon in some upmarket areas. It was also ten years ago. I’m sure they have gone up considerably.

    True about the pub culture. They would sacrifice food before booze.

    You have to wonder if the people who come up with job titles ever say them out loud or read them.

  8. Vicky Pollard, thankfully, has yet to breed as far as I am aware. She IS a git; she’s got the most ASBOs of anyone, I believe, and got a reality show and a column out of it. I think the column fell apart when people realized she could neither read nor write.

  9. hi raincoat
    being a complete newby at blogging i’m not sure if you were directing your comment
    >Could you be more specific?
    to my comment to seeing your photograph of women with all the prams and kiddies?
    >yes but no but yes but no

    IF YOU WERE…
    the photograph you used is from a UK program called Little Britain.
    it’s extremely funny and sends everything up about UK culture.
    this character is one of the most loved as she [actually a he] talks unbelievably fast, with no punctuations, and always start her outpouring with
    yes but no but yes but no but……..
    apologies at my obscurity
    i assumed you had got the picture from their website/blogg?

    if you weren’t directing your comment to me
    apologies!

  10. hay rain
    pls explain what in my message makes you think i’m a Little Britain fanatic?!
    and that i therefore think i’m the only one on the planet?!
    i don’t understand – pls tell me what you mean
    my idea of a fanatic is someone who is militant, an extremist, uncompromising!
    i see myself as being rather mellow and flexible!

  11. Nothing: it’s just that you’re like the sixth person to explain the totality of Little Britain to me in the last week, and nothing I can say, including “I already know the show” will stop them, mid-flow. You just got caught in the crossfire.

    Besides, this isn’t a picture of whatsisname, the only gay in the village. This is a picture of Vicky Pollard, the chavvest chav in all chavdom, is it not?

  12. ooooooooooooh kay!
    sorry didn’t read all your threads
    have no idea what the characters names are
    the only gay in the village and “yes but not but… “ are the same actor. i will say no more!
    .
    did you see that i got sorted with the deleting of the categories in the drop down list?
    for your data banks –
    they are to be found in DASHBOARD – MANAGE – CATEGORIES
    love the way they melt away when you delete them
    thanx for yr help

    ive had an idea which i’d like you to put forward if it hasn’t been done already
    to use the internet time clock
    so that all our blogs are on earth time not zone times.
    what do you think?
    i’ve got a really nifty swatch internet clock
    the time is 973
    it will take some getting used to
    gosh it’s late i must get some sleep
    this blogging thing requires lots of patience
    and time

  13. Yes, it does.

    Send your suggestion to staff tomorrow from your Dashboard support button. Glad to hear you got the categories thing sorted; I’ve never bothered to do anything with mine, as you can tell.

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