Steve Jobs = Cthulhu
18 Mar 2008 22 Comments
in Allegory, Apple, Celebrity, Cthulhu, Hoaxes, Humour, Steve Jobs, Weird, computers, geek, humor, mashups
No, it’s true.
Really.
It makes total sense.
It explains so much.
Think about it.
Once, ages ago, a race of bizarre, loathesome creatures ruled the Earth. Writhing and gibbering in the Stygian darkness of their lair, ravening for the blood of those who worshipped them, this strangely Protean race nearly destroyed the youthful planet in its ceaseless quest to slake their endless thirst for the very souls of the damned.
They were the Great Old Ones. Eventually, they were banished; we can only pray that they never return to debase the race of humans again in horrific slavery and unthinkable perversion.
And in this pantheon, one monstrosity reigned supreme.
Right now, everyone reading is thinking “You’re wrong. These guys look nothing alike.” Of course not, his true identity is obfuscated by the best possible disguise known to man: Ugly glasses. Ugly glasses, made even more opaque by parting his strangely masculine hair differently. If Cthulhu had glasses and parted to the left, these would be virtually identical, right down to the AppleStore he’s crawling out of. Think I’m lying? Take another look.
That may just be the smartest, most dangerous thing I’ve ever read on LiveJournal. But there’s more.
So. Much. More.
Check it out:
Cthulhu: imprisoned in his tomb in Rlyeh, not dead but dreaming.
Jobs: Next.
Cthulhu: The Necronomicon
Jobs: Ayn Rand, The I Ching
Cthulhu: Politics
Jobs: Politics and more Politics
Cthulhu: something of a personnel-retention issue
Jobs: upon regaining freedom, destroys his innocent rescuers
Cthulhu: Lolthulhu
Jobs: Fake Steve Jobs
Cthulhu: advanced wireless telecommunication technology
Jobs: iPhone
Think about it.
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Mar 20, 2008 @ 01:17:32
because you’re so special…
http://www.commissionedcomic.com/?p=252
Mar 20, 2008 @ 01:35:56
Oooh, thanks! That actually makes this post all the more interesting, if you’ve got a crush on Steve Jobs. Not that I know ANYONE like that. Nope.
Oct 24, 2008 @ 12:40:11
You’re missing a question mark.
Oct 24, 2008 @ 12:51:00
There IS no question about this. Steve Jobs is Cthulhu.
Dec 04, 2008 @ 19:48:41
Isnt he lovely? Id have him round for tea and biscuits :-)
Jan 15, 2009 @ 13:55:58
Tea, biscuts, and SANITY SHREDDING HORROR! Oooo…could I have another wedge of lemmon for my tea? Stellar.
On a seperate note, is it insensative to joke about his health? I mean I’d feel pretty bad about saying something like, “Jobs has announced Apples latest product, iChemo. Consumer Reports states it’ll only work on Apple-branded iNeoplasm though.” I’d feel pretty bad if I posted something like that.
Jan 15, 2009 @ 13:58:07
It’s not insensitive. Jobs himself lowered the bar for sensitivity so low an ant can’t limbo under it, so smack away.
FYI this post is one of the top ones on Google today, because everyone likes to look at young, pretty Steve. Or, NO IT IS BECAUSE IT’S SUCH A GREAT POST, RIGHT? RIGHT?
Apr 04, 2009 @ 15:08:21
I have a crush on Steve Jobs.
Apr 04, 2009 @ 23:01:05
Sure, now that you’ve seen the picture you do. Who wouldn’t?
Jun 08, 2009 @ 03:30:23
The young Steve Jobs has a striking resemblance of Ashton Kutcher!
Jun 08, 2009 @ 13:46:25
You’re not the first person to mention that. Yes, he was a sexy bitch!
Sep 25, 2009 @ 09:01:03
This picture shows class; these show his HD was probably too fragmented.
Sep 25, 2009 @ 15:05:36
You know where they say Gates got the name “Microsoft” eh?
BTW am uncontrollably excited that recent pix show Steve isn’t wearing his wedding band. He wants me. You can just tell.
May 13, 2010 @ 02:10:11
i googled cthulhu and you were the first result. i absolutely agree about the glasses and the hair; its honestly stupid that more people don’t recognize cthulhu for who he is. he needs to make a big public scene to remind people what sanity damage REALLY feels like :D
May 13, 2010 @ 02:28:31
Absolutely. SOMETHING has to explain all these morons buying iPads!
Jun 01, 2010 @ 13:13:04
Ehrm..
You Do know he is not wearing any glasses on the picture you have for this article right..?
Other than that, it all seems pretty reasonable.
ALL HAIL CTHULHU JOBS!
Who needs to look at pages with Flash anyway.
Apple – Showing the customer who’s boss since 1976.
Jun 01, 2010 @ 13:31:32
And YOU, apparently, don’t know what a block quote signifies. I’ll spell it out: that little white box with the text you’re talking about? It means that I took that text from somewhere else. It’s a quote. If you look at the site on which the quote originated (which is linked) you will see a picture of Steve Jobs wearing glasses.
Happy to help a slow learner any day.