Paging Gérard de Nerval!
01 Jun 2008 42 Comments
in Books, Crabs, Cthulhu, Culture, Historical, Humour, Literary, Lush Life, Pets, Weird, animals, hipsters, humor, poetry
As we at the ol’ raincoaster blog understand it, Spring is late in coming to parts of the world, and in such times our thoughts go always to those more primitive, dependent species: cephalopods, crustaceans, and government contractors.
Alas, we do not know, for it is not recorded, what became of the famed lobster of Gérard de Nerval, but we would not be at all surprised to discover it still lumbering mournfully around Paris, seeking its owner and the subtle secrets that only dreams can tell…
But what if it’s chilly? Does this living national treasure of Symboilist Symbolist Poetry shivver in the chill miasma rising off the Seine? I shudder to think it.
Behold, the solution:
Jun 01, 2008 @ 17:06:42
Where can I purchase a crab sweater like that?
Jun 01, 2008 @ 20:22:30
Bwahahahahaha! The cable up the back is perfect!
Jun 01, 2008 @ 23:36:59
Wash it in hot water and it’ll make a creepy shrill noise before it turns red. Just like a socialist.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 00:37:04
Is there a size for a hermit crab?
Jun 02, 2008 @ 01:44:43
That’s a lobster, not a crab.
I’d like to spray my love butter all over it. Or use it as a shlong warmer.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 01:46:32
Um, if I were a man, of course.
Damn it Rain! I was writing under a covert name! Oh well, BUSTED!
Jun 02, 2008 @ 02:33:44
Sonic, you have crabs?
planetfitness, you’ve been deleted. Go poop on your own blog.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 02:35:09
Bunk: socialists are BORN red, I’ll have you know! My sister was born blue and she turned into a Tory!
Stil…you could use it on TOM…I understand he has a HUGE lobster.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 05:23:40
Oops. I almost said LOL.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 05:45:10
Don’t go there, my friend. It’s a dark place, lolville.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 06:11:54
Don’t I know it. Once you go in, it’s a ROTFL to get out. Bastards.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 08:22:45
You should see what I’ve got coming up tomorrow on Lolebrity. Nerd meets celebutard.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 15:08:46
“Stil…you could use it on TOM…I understand he has a HUGE lobster.”
But will there be a matching sweater 4 me?
Oh, I can grow my own!
Jun 02, 2008 @ 15:23:52
You could try.
Jun 02, 2008 @ 15:48:58
I know it’s a lobster. I just want one for my pet hermit crab.
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:10:04
Here, Sonic, for YOU -
http://www.messybeast.com/albinism/albino-lobster.jpg
With the new invertebrated knitwear trend, Albino lobster can now leave the house with dignity!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:12:58
Come to think of it, albino lobster looks like Boris Johnson!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:27:17
Stil, I actually LOL’ed!!!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:28:13
Also: he’d be horrified. You’re just his type!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:31:12
“Stil, I actually LOL’ed!!!”
Excellent! It takes me a while to warm up to a new blog, even from friends, so you’ll have to forgive that I haven’t commented!
“Also: he’d be horrified. You’re just his type!”
Wait. Boris ISN’T gay?
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:33:39
That albinism site is awesome. Must bookmark for future reference.
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:37:26
Pfffffffft! OMG!
“Wait, Boris isn’t gay?”
Uh, Boris is a charming, intelligent man of many merits, but he has what has politely been described as a “zipper problem.”
He has something of a track record of promoting comely, yet only semi-talented lasses of the hottie persuasion. I’ve read the writing of at least two of them (that I know of/of whom I know) and you are crushingly better than one of them and at least on a par with the other, who’s a senior writer at possibly the most prestigious paper in the world. And I’ve seen their pictures and you are TEN times hotter than either of them.
If you have an affair with Boris, you mustn’t tell me. Because I’d post it on his forum in a hot second. And I think he knows that.
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:40:15
BTW his webmistress (not as risque as it sounds) is a regular reader here. So, as I do not want dear Melissa to faint away, I dot my lines rather than filling them in.
But you can google “Petronella Wyatt” and “Anna Fazackerley.”
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:40:34
Mental note:
Affair with Boris.
Yes! Finally, I’ve found a goal in life!
BTW, is there any special place he hangs? And where can I find out more about this Boris?
I’m not sure if I like him better than Blair.
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:43:56
Oh, here is another site for you!
http://tamarisk.ab.ca/~pets/tsunami.html
BTW, which paper does this woman write at?
Jun 03, 2008 @ 02:59:40
The Higher Education supplement of the Times of London. She’s pretty good, actually, but you’re more stylish in literary terms.
Also: apparently an affair with Boris is INTENSELY rewarding on a female level, if no other. He’s the biggest flirt in London. Now that it is his City/State he should be in clover.
If you want an affair with Boris and you can get yourself to London on a vaguely literary premise with some excuse for meeting him, I’d give you 2:1 all other factors being equal ie Anna Fawhatsername still being in the picture. He appears to be faithful to his mistresses if not his wife, if you know what I mean. But like I said, you’re hotter than her. Tell him you’re working on a book. About Great Men. That should work.
And for GOD’S SAKE don’t tell anyone I told you.
Like Steven or idlex won’t read that anyway. Then again, they’re English. They hate the French. Would they read down to Comment #26 in a Care For the Frog’s Lobster thread?
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:02:06
Hey’s the Mayor of London. He isn’t hard to find out about.
Try this first:
http://www.boris-johnson.com
(hi Melissa!)
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:04:00
Rain, you’re the bestest!
I’ve been meaning to go to London anyway!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:07:34
Let’s see…bogus book, false pretenses, jet set affair, the brainchild of one blogger extraordinaire! Rain! All the makings of an E True Hollywood Story!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:10:54
Well, yes. But if you really DID write a book about Great Men, you could pretty much boff your way around the world. Got to think BIG!
Just link to me when it goes online, so Boris knows who to sue.
BTW did I mention: his wife’s a divorce lawyer! Kid! You! Not!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:11:38
Sarkozy may be an ass, but he’s hawt. Who else is there? Putin is repulsive. Hmmm….
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:16:38
WHAT!
No WAY!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hohoho/400297649/
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:19:03
Ironically, titled HOHOHO
How about an oldie but goodie?
http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/bc42.html
Of course, we could turn to Japan for advice.
http://whatjapanthinks.com/2007/11/04/the-worlds-30-best-looking-politicians-in-japanese-eyes/
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:19:26
OH, fish me out!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:21:39
And then, there’s the the media been there done that.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/azipaybarah/2160602067/
“BTW did I mention: his wife’s a divorce lawyer! Kid! You! Not!”
And she knows about his extracurricular activities?
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:31:17
I fished, but you are SO NOT ALLOWED to make that a dirty metaphor.
You know, a lesbian once asked me if I were gay or straight and I said it had been so long I didn’t remember…
Uh, yes, his wife knows what’s what. She’s no dummy. But she figures she’s the wife and they’re the also-rans, and she’s got the lawyerly bonus of being extra-fearsome to divorce…
I kind of like her. She’s a lefty who’s like, yes you CAN leave the marriage if you want. But it won’t be cheap. Cheap is for singles.
Mind you, I would never put up with her compromises. I’d have poisoned the bugger long since.
Even though it must truly be said that the man writes like a God.
I mean, seriously. What the fuck would I be doing on a Tory website? I am there solely because Alexander Boris dePfeffel Johnson writes like a living god. He’s a genius.
I don’t live in London: like I CARE what kind of politician he is. I only really want to read his columns.
Apparently they will appear in the Telegraph soon. I can’t wait. I don’t care if he sells London into slavery, I don’t care if he scrapes it off to make a huge car park. I only care that, now that the Mayoral race is settled, he starts writing again.
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:45:44
I personally like the looks of Putin. Such a bastard but with him comes vodka!
Ok, Rain, goodnight! You’ve given me lots of stuff to research!
Jun 03, 2008 @ 03:52:05
Try looking at the Webcameron videos on Youtube (they made me take mine down). They’ll show you the hotness in the Bojo which mere print does not convey.
If it’s vodka you’re after, couldn’t you just bonk a mid-level bureaucrat? They pay their teachers in vodka.
Seriously, have a long-term flirtation with a guy at the ATF; he’s got to be able to divert some contaband your way, and you KNOW it’s got to be good if it’s good enough to export.
Jun 03, 2008 @ 10:47:56
Seriously, Melissa is never going to let me live this thread down.
Jun 04, 2008 @ 12:32:09
http://www.flickr.com/photos/toguko/2465046706/
The comments on that are hilarious.