the hottest pet trend in the entirety of recorded human history
23 Jun 2008 15 Comments
in Culture, Hoaxes, Humour, Lush Life, Pets, Weird, animals, capitalism, hipsters, humor, meme, sad, tasteless
And, ladies and gentlemen, we do not use those words lightly.
No indeed. This incredible creature is destined for the historic pantheon of pets, the greatest companions humankind has ever known, up there with the sadly now-endangered Tree Octopus, the Drop Bear, and the tragically extinct Longhorse.
What is this miraculous creature? It is the Plaid French Bulldog, otherwise known as Le Bouledogue Français Écossais, a long-lost, recently revived gesture of friendship and solidarity between the people of Brittany and the deposed king of Scotland, England and Wales, James II and VII.
These animals are the only dogs to come in natural plaid patterns, including a dazzling, Lilly Pulitzer-esque pink and green calico plaid pattern that would be the envy of any gay Preppie. Hat-tip to Smartdogs for the tipoff; these babies will sell like gateaux chauds!
From the site of the only breeder in the world currently offering genuine Plaid French Bulldogs:
…since it is a simple fact of life that things which cost more are inherently better, you can rest assured that our Plaid pups come with the absolute highest price for a French Bulldog that you will ever see. In fact, we guarantee it – if you find a Plaid French Bulldog that costs more than ours do, just let us know, and we’ll charge you the extra difference…
…ask us about our certified Clan Authentic Plaidies, just in time for Highland Games seasons. You’ll toss your caber when you see how cute our authentic Clan MacGregor pups are!
Plaid French Bulldogs© – If you don’t have one, you sure do suck!™
Hard to argue with that.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 13:49:26
I’m ordering my Clan MacNag plaidie today!
Jun 23, 2008 @ 14:10:50
I’m saving up for one myself, but only if it comes with tentacles. I’m sure a dog breeder who could come up with this will have no problem grafting in some cephalopod DNA.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 14:18:41
An excellent addition to any golf outfit.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 14:32:57
Oh, good idea! Do you think they fetch?
Jun 23, 2008 @ 15:28:42
One small step for breeding, One giant leap for Cryptozoology
Jun 23, 2008 @ 16:59:52
But it’s Scottish, so there will be a schism sooner rather than later. It’ll be the McPlaiddies versus the Eckhossies in less than six months, you’ll see.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 17:40:51
For a minute there I thought something was wrong with my eyes.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 18:50:03
There is: they have ugly designer dogs in their sights. That’s what I’d call a problem.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 20:44:56
Re:I’m saving up for one myself, but only if it comes with tentacles.
I’m sure they come with all their equipment. Breeders seldom neuter dogs :-)
Jun 23, 2008 @ 21:03:05
Doesn’t mixing plaid and French violate the Geneva Convention? That is like trying to put a French guy in a kilt, it is just wrong.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 21:05:37
No, it is just Jacobite! Hands across the Channel and all that.
Jun 23, 2008 @ 21:40:53
@RC:
I’m so disappointed to see you pushing the plaid puppies on your occasionally-coherent blog.
How could you? Don’t you know the horror of puppy mills? The French multicolour bulldog industry is rife with misery and suffering, from the poor angora sheepdogs who are raised in cruel and inhumane conditions to round up the terrified Lancashire Blue Runny Sheep, whose wool is force-fed to the common Buldogue Rouget Blanc during gestation to produce the famous Chien Toreau Tricoloré out of which the plaid bulldog, or “Plaidster” is bred.
(Surely you know of the Tricoloré, it was a CTT hide hoisted on a pole that first was adopted as the French national flag. It was used until 1973, when the anti-animal-cruelty regulations governing farm trade in the European Common Market forced them to stop).
Pity too the unfortunate female Argyle Terrier, dragged from Scotland’s foggy moors and bred to the bigger and garlic-breathed Tricoloré to bear litter after litter of plaid pups.
This barbaric pet production line must be stopped! Alert Pamela Anderson!
Jun 24, 2008 @ 07:15:39
yes. your’e right. but can i have my rescued pup in Buchanan tartan please?
Jun 24, 2008 @ 20:36:49
Oh, the Scots have been crossing over to breed with the French for centuries; this is just the first time the progeny have been allowed to see the light of day, that’s all. Vive les Bouledogue Français Écossais Libres!