The Greatest Porn Intro In The History Of Recorded History

Bar none. Presenting Brandon Irons, porn star extraordinaire, mixing it up with an Eastern European beauty and a huge, menacing, Canadian garter snake. SFW, I might mention.


via Defamer

Someone find this movie, watch it, and tell me that, yes, they DO make a pun about garter snakes at some point.

31 thoughts on “The Greatest Porn Intro In The History Of Recorded History

  1. raincoaster says:

    They audition them with a ruler, I’m telling you!

  2. Well, it’s obvious they didn’t audition either of them with an IQ test.

  3. raincoaster says:

    No. But why are the girls in porn so much hotter than the guys?

  4. Because porn is made for insecure guys who don’t need the competition – - -

    That snake certainly seems to be rather limp! Maybe it needs to eat some watermelon.

  5. Metro says:

    At last! The lost Ed Wood-y porno flick!

  6. Lori says:

    What a thespian!! That was so realistic!!

    Seriously Rain, where the hell do you find this stuff? Gads. And the segue into “I’ll show you a friendlier snake” is….I can’t even think of a suitable adjective. How can I un-see that?

    :-)

  7. Replace this with the giant Cheeto, puh-leeze . . .

  8. raincoaster says:

    The giant Cheeto is always available for your viewing pleasure, but it doesn’t have a sexy Hungarian accent.

  9. Yeah, and it doesn’t have a rubber anaconda either . . . .

  10. But at least it’s better than McCain’s idea of offshore drilling – a floating whorehouse.

  11. Bunk Strutts says:

    Wow. There’s a leaping non-sequitur.

  12. Hey, you’re out of order . . . wait, maybe I’m out of order . . . . hey, it’s still a sex joke.

  13. Bunk Strutts says:

    FFE– Maybe it would have been funnier if you referred to Ted Kennedy’s yacht instead. =)

  14. raincoaster says:

    Please don’t put “Ted Kennedy” in the same thoughtspace as “sex joke.” My brain just can’t handle that.

  15. Attention K-mart shoppers, the blue dot special . . . .

  16. Metro says:

    More like purple microdot special in this neighborhood.

  17. More like a Marx Brothers skit in here . . .

  18. Bunk Strutts says:

    Richard & Karl? Woopwoopwoopwoopwoop!

  19. Dialectic and insipid pop ballads – what a great concept!

  20. raincoaster says:

    You think people will go for those? Nah!

  21. Stalin. Enver Hoxha, Friedrich Engels, Neil Sedaka and Babyface Edmonds can’t all be wrong . . .

  22. Bunk Strutts says:

    Dostoyevsky, Sun Tsu, Sun Ra, Son House, Frank Zappa. Bring it on.

  23. Well, that was still better than Ice Cube or John Voight’s performances in Anaconda.

  24. raincoaster says:

    See, it IS how you use it!

  25. Bunk Strutts says:

    Jim Stafford, Franz Kafka, Franz Ferdinand, Connie Francis, Francis Bacon, Kevin Bacon, George Wendt. Warren Cuccurullo on drums, Allen Ginsberg on skins, DeeDee Ramone on bass.

  26. raincoaster says:

    I’d buy that album, but only if they covered “Louie, Louie.”

  27. Jim Stafford? A relative of mine rocking out? I’d be more of a fan of the George Wendt solo album.

  28. raincoaster says:

    I didn’t know you were hearing-impaired.

    And I’ll have you all know that Allen Ginsberg played meat whistle.

  29. andy says:

    hilarious. thanks for the post.

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