The Truth About Pirates

Jack Sparrow

Sadly, the truth is, none of them look like Johnny Depp; they actually look exactly like that guy that asked you for change the other day.

The Beggar by Rembrandt

Oh, and it gets worse:

Pirates vs Pirate Movies

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15 thoughts on “The Truth About Pirates

  1. michaelm says:

    Talk about truth being stranger than fiction.
    You just made me realize that Boston is crawling with pirates!
    ~m

  2. raincoaster says:

    Naturally. I mean, Washington and New York certainly are, so this is just spillover.

  3. Definitely seems the number of pirates is increasing. And they are getting meaner, too. We have lots of pirates such as you describe in Seattle, too.

  4. Stonehead says:

    Hmm, I look more like the second than the first. Does that make me a real pirate?

  5. raincoaster says:

    Yes, you are a pirate. Arrrrrrrrrr.

  6. valarmorghulis says:

    Silver – If that depiction is accurate, the Sea-Tac area is overflowing with pirates. The Sound could be in danger of becoming our own little (massive?) Pirate’s cove.

  7. raincoaster says:

    Now, if they looked like Johnny Depp, that would be worth crossing the border for.

  8. GutterGirl says:

    Sad but true…they don’t look like Johnny Depp. Score one for the Ninjas though. Since their face is covered you can imagine they look like anyone you want. And they probably smell a bit better too. Oh yeah, they don’t talk either…another plus. (Pirates 0 Ninjas 1)

  9. raincoaster says:

    Hadn’t thought of the ninja angle. Perhaps ninjas are just pirates who have learned to use wardrobe to overcome their natural aesthetic shortcomings?

  10. max says:

    Rain you are ruining the fantasy quit it.

  11. raincoaster says:

    Sorry. Feel free to watch Pirates of the Caribbean until you’ve put the Rembrandt quite out of your mind.

  12. [...] would like to free Kareem are guilty of  equating African heritage and poverty. According to one Raincoaster, the truth about pirates is that  “Sadly  . . . none of them look like Johnny Depp; they [...]

  13. raincoaster says:

    Ah, sadly the Objectifier In Chief at the Objectify This blog seems to think I’m racist, despite the fact that I identified the Pirates with a Rembrandt picture of a Dutch man. My point was not that they’re not white, you narrow-minded bigot, it’s that they are not gorgeous. Who IS as gorgeous as Johnny Depp?

    It’s entirely possible to support Freedom for Karim and make jokes about how Hollywood idealizes romantic tradesmen. Duh.
    http://objectifythis.com/2009/07/pirates-and-racism-in-the-media/

  14. [...] The truth about pirates   Commenters who threaten anyone while here because they are not smart enough to come up with a better answer will have some due diligence done on them. Foul mouthed lefty posters beware. [...]

  15. valarmorghulis says:

    “Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.”
    -Cary Grant

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