ZOMG how did Nikki Finke miss this? It’s true! Reese Witherspoon‘s erstwhile boytoy and eternally-perky heartthrob Jake Gyllenhaal has been videotaped attempting to separate himself from the clammy embrace of illicit and unspeakable tentacles. We can only pray he makes it.
Too cute
That made me laugh out loud. Jake Gyllenhaal looks good, even with an Octopus on his head. I love Sesame Street!
Cutist Cthulhu Cultist!
I guess I meant “cutest,” not “cutist.” Cutist sounds like an accusation of cutism.
That works too; he dates Reese Witherspoon, he’s in a Disney movie, he’s obviously swallowed the Kool-Aid of Kutism.
Jake was just Witherspoon’s “boyfriend”.
“Thanks.”
[...] He had been searching through the Necronomiconweb and found that, in his youth, Cthulhu had been a gym-junkie in subterranean K’n-yan. In fact he may even have been a user of certain illegal body-building substances. This could be why he was sent to the depths of R’yleh, fhtagn. [...]
Jake was Reese Witherspoon’s fake boyfriend,
thank God that showmance is over!
Gee, “Thanks”.