Internet Love never works out. Lavalife has a lot to answer for.

Haven’t we all had that experience? The tall, handsome, male charmer online somehow morphs, in between tweeting and meeting, into a stubby, Faces-of-Meth, hermaphroditic, spectrum disorder-having bedwetter. Oh, there may be plenty of fish out there, but YOU try getting one to make conversation over a nice entree.

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

Kate Gosselin will settle for just ANYONE.

Anybody need a stiff drink after that? Apparently I need a Bloody Mary:

You Are a Bloody Mary

You’re a fairly serious drinker who’s experimented a lot with different drinks. You know what you like to drink, but you’re not a snob. You’ll drink anything in a pinch.  You’re a drunk, but you are a stable drunk. You don’t ever let your drinking get out of control. You’re the one who keeps everyone levelheaded, even if you’ve had the most to drink.

If you don’t feel like a drink but have been inspired to take quite a different kind of action, here’s the “what kind of toilet user are you” quiz that you didn’t know you were waiting for.

Your Toilet Personality is Social

You’ll go anywhere, anytime, with anyone. In fact, you secretly talk on the phone when you’re in your “office.” For you, going to the bathroom is no big deal. And you going shouldn’t be for anyone else either.  You don’t mind public restrooms – in fact, you sort of like the energy they bring to the act. When you’re on the toilet, you consider yourself a bit of a performance artist.

As always, your mileage may vary. And so via natural progression to the celebrity gossip links for today.

Nuclear Boy: World’s least appealing anime character (raincoaster)

Happy Wok! Like! Shatner! Day! (ManoloFood)

Red and Blue and Rad All Over (Ayyyy)

David Lynch’s hair in art history (Lolebrity)

Paris Hilton proves the world is improving (AgentBedhead)

Gwen Stefani in drop-crotch jodhpurs (BusyBeeBlogger)

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Spinsters (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Looks like the herbal tea and yoga aren’t working, Chris (CelebritySmack)

Tolstoy is about to get a lot more bodice-rippy (CelebVIPLounge)

William Shatner’s face on eight non-famous bodies (CityRag)

Kirstie Alley has the moves (DailyStab)

James Franco has found his Cinderella (DListed)

Randy Quaid is Big In Vancouver (CeleBitchy)

James Franco is no Perez Hilton (DippedInCream)

#Tigercooties! (EarSucker)

Chris Brown, you’re no Charlie Sheen (FitFabCeleb)

More on the Canadian takeover of the entertainment industry (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Mildred, pierced (HaveUHeard)

Another Low-Class Lohan (HollywoodHiccups)

Russell continues Branding (INeedMyFix)

Jennifer Hudson’s dress is NSFEpileptics (MathewGuiver)

Britney Spears? There’s an app for that (PoorBritney)

All About Who??? (PopBytes)

William! Shatner! SHIRTLESS! (Swoonworthy)

80′s groupie still has fans (TheSkinny)

Britney sez Math Is HARD! (TheSkinnyChic)

ZOMG I THINK I JSUT FAINTED… (SeriouslyOMG)