Housekeeping

Serenata Guest House Bed. Entirely Viggo-worthy

Serenata Guest House Bed. Entirely Viggo-worthy

Now, you may not know this about me. I don’t know what you know about me, other than, you know, the obvious: has tentacles, worships Cthulhu, lives in dungeon, keeps human slaves (remember the Versace Twins?), enjoys torturing Jezebel readers and cancer fakers. Everybody knows that stuff.

But what you may not know is just exactly what kind of a housekeeper I am.

Let me put it this way: while nobody has actually fainted, several people have screamed. The Christmas wreath is still on my front door, quietly gathering dust  just as it has been since Christmas 2005. At least I finally took the tree down, and any day now I may wash some dishes. You never know.

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers

In any case, I have been known to make my bed up with cotton saris when all my sheets are in the laundry, which does make for a colourful little nest if not exactly (as I found out one warm and sweaty night) colourfast. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is entirely possible to go to bed stone cold sober and wake up paisley.

So, you can imagine that my apartment is not fit for company more often than perhaps once a millennium and that shortly before I move in. Indeed, the squalor is such that even in my daydreams my fantasy lovers and I always go back to their place (and let me just say that Steve Jobs has a lovely houseboat in an isolated cove about a ten minute walk and short flight of ancient stone steps from my house…) but where was I? Right, bitching about my own housekeeping on the blog instead of, you know, keeping house. Well, I keep it; I just keep it in squalor, that’s all.

In any case, however it may be, verily it was said unto them, that last month when I was up in Penticton speaking at the EatDrinkTweet social media for winemakers conference (two words, people: GOODY BAG!) the lovely and fragrant Allison Markin arranged for me to stay at the Serenata Guesthouse, and finally finally I slept in a bed that was suitable for my dream lovers. Silk and cotton with a thread count higher than I can count (without taking off my shoes, that is), with bolsters and pillows and shams and actuals and feathers in everything. I could easily have stayed there the entire weekend, particularly because I stayed up till 4am every night and as I may have mentioned, there was wine involved.

And then I got my friend Rebecca Coleman to immortalize it in the above, so that I can refresh my memory when I imagine myself taking my dream lovers home in the future. It’s so important to furnish one’s imagination well, don’t you think?

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11 thoughts on “Housekeeping

  1. Pingback: Edward Gorey in: The Kitteh Killers! | lolebrity

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  3. “Just like the rest of us?” You, my friend, haven’t seen my apartment.

    Az, the photo doesn’t begin to show the true luxuriousness. The coverlet was the most beautiful dove grey/mauve silk, and the cotton sheets were so fine they felt like silk.

  4. Yes, I’m testing the Ad Control program, which means I get money from 50% of the ads here while WordPress gets the rest. We’ll see if I keep it or not. Can’t afford the $30 to take ads off altogether.

    PS: Shebeen Club is not tomorrow. I think I’m gonna have it next week, because our presenter bailed again and besides, I didn’t get the word out early. Wish me luck and see you at Revel Room upstairs on the 20somethingeth.

  5. Am writing a thesis on Public Trust in WikiLeaks, the Media and the Government and need to know what your opinions are. The online survey is multiple choice and will take approximately 10 minutes to complete. Please follow the link: http://www.kwiksurveys.com/?s=ILLLML_9669e09d. Would be great if you would encourage others to do the survey also.

  6. By the way, one person who saw my housekeeping DID start crying. Maybe I should invite a bunch of easily-upset people over and give them the chance to clean it all up? They’d feel SO much better, don’t you think?

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