Dear Everyone:

Breakin' the chains of love

Breakin' the chains of love

This week so far I’ve mortally offended a blood relation, an ex-boyfriend, and a dear friend of the family by responding to their no-doubt-heartfelt emails with this.

If you have the same kind of relatives, exes, and friends, I suggest you do the same. Lyrics (and bonus video) over the jump, and is it my imagination or does Weird Al simply continue to evolve to higher and higher planes? Eventually, we will all worship Weird Al, and we will be right to.

Weird Al Yankovic – Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me Lyrics

Oh the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
And there’s no way you’re gonna slow it down.
You say, “We’ve gotta treasure each moment.”
Who knows how long we’re gonna be around?

Yeah, you keep on tellin’ me life is short,
And it’s hard to disagree with what you say.
But, if time is so precious why’re you wastin’ mine?
Cause I’m always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way!

Every stupid hoax, all those corny jokes,
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
Well I don’t need tons of cringe inducing puns,
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

No, it isn’t okay if you brighten my day
With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry.
And I didn’t request a personality test.
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

You’re sending virus-laden mail with bandwidth-hogging attachments
To every single person you know.
You pass around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
That everybody else already saw 3 years ago.

And wacky, badly photoshopped billboards were never that amusing to me.
And I just can’t believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes someone’ll point you towards Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you’re spewing constantly.

No, I don’t want a bowl of chicken soup for the soul.
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
Send more top ten lists and I’ll slash my wrists
Please stop forwarding that crap to me.

Well I’m sorry I can’t accept your paranoid rant
And I don’t want the Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe.
Won’t you kindly refrain ’cause it’s hurting my brain.
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

Like glittery hearts and unicorns
And pictures of somebody’s cat!
Now tell me, in what alternate reality
Would I care about something like that?

And, by the way, your quotes from George Carlin aren’t really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Vietcong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing.
And I highly doubt some dead girl’s gonna kill me if I don’t pass your letter along!!

Well I knew you’re wishin’ I’ll sign your petition,
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don’t wanna read your series of conspiracy theories,
Just stop forwarding that crap to me

And your 2 million loser friends all have my address now
Cause you never figured out the way to Bcc:
Now, I’ve got to insist..
Take me off of your list!
Stop forwarding that crap to me

Stop forwarding that crap to me.
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(Just stop it now.)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(Oh, nooo)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(I can’t take it!)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(Ah, please!)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(You gotta stop!)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(Right now!)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(I’m not kidding!)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(At the risk of being slightly repetitious gonna ask you now to stop!)
Stop! (Sending me that)
Crap! (I don’t want it!)
Don’t send it to me!!
Don’t send it to me!!!!

Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(Just stop!)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.
(Ohhh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me.

To: me
aaahhhh, aaahhhh, aaahhhh

And a bonus video, from Fitz and the Tantrums:

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17 thoughts on “Dear Everyone:

  1. I see you’re still cranking out the good stuff rain! I can’t say I’ve ever had this particular problem though (you gotta have friends first, to have annoying ones). But I absolutely agree with you and TT on Weird Al – the man totally rocks!

  2. Your Grace

    Je suis tout desolé that your Grace has apparently been an occasion of some disapprobation on the part of some Unfortunate (an “ex” in Canuckistani) arising from some harmless Musical Humour (… err …. Humor, in the Transpondian Argȏt of the Middle Colonies)

    AND as Bertie Worster observed with his Aunts, it can be an anxious Challenge not to be afford (often indefensible) offense to Relatives

    Eagles readily understand these Calamities, as they themselves seem to engineer continuous & continual occasions of dishumour (however brief) to the rabbits, grouse and other small deer who function in the Good Lord’s Cosmos as prey species

    Tree Octopodia & Longhorses never involve these Perturbations

    Your Grace is of course too gracious to adopt the Latin Response of :

    Nil illegitime carborundum

    Remaining your Grace’s obedient servant etc

    L’Aigle Gris

  3. OK, I managed to comment from my twitter accoiunt but comments from my WordPress,com user are being dumped

    I am writing here because @raincoaster answered my questions in WP.com forums

    Please understand that I have no other way.
    I beg WordPress.com-moners to help co-habitant of WP.com blogging platform to report to support that any of::
    * my messages to WordPress.com support through contact form
    * my letters to WordPress.com through support at wordpress.com Email
    * my topics opened in WordPress.com forums
    * comments to other blogs from my WordPress.com user

    are being all determined as 41 years old and being immediately dumped because of this (i.e. being too old)

  4. That is because you’re SPAMMING people.

    Stop that. Now. If you don’t, I’ll edit these three comments and send them all to spam.

    If you want me to intervene with WordPress.com to assist you directly, well, in the forum I’m happy to help for free. When you take it to my blog’s comment section and selfishly hijack it for things like this, my full consulting rate comes into effect. Once I get $200 through the Paypal link at the top right-hand side of the blog, I’ll contact WordPress staff and intervene. Until then, the only action I will take is to warn you to stop doing this.

  5. Ian, that’s exactly it! Brilliantly put.

    G Eagle, it’s great to see you back on the blog. It’s been a long time since I needed to haul out three different translation dictionaries to figure out a comment: too long!

    IM, I’m jealous. I need higher-quality friends and relations, obviously.

    WC, it seems unlike most teens, you had good taste from the start.

  6. Pingback: Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me by Weird Al Yankovic

  7. Pingback: George Rogers | Kitchen Room

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