Ladies and Gentlemen, by now you’ve heard the rumour that Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, has been caught on video smoking crack (and wearing unbecoming clothing). The owner of the video wants $100,000 for it, apparently not figuring that Ford would have that much hush money handy. That’s only three cents from each Canadian, so I thought it would make a nice exercise in national unity for us all to band together and buy this thing.
I sensed a need. I filled it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the IndieGoGo fundraiser: Buy Rob Ford’s Crack Tape!
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has a lot of enemies. Do any of them have enough hatred to band together and purchase what editor John Cook of Gawker says is video of Rob Ford smoking crack?
Is it even worth $100,000? Maybe not to one Canadian, but to all Canadians?
This Victoria Day, let the nation band together, from sea to shining sea, from the far North to the southernmost reaches of Ontario, as one, united in their distaste for this mortifying homunculus.
For just three cents per citizen, we can assure the final ruin of Ford’s colourful, storied, allegedly indictable celebrity once and for all.
Are you with me, Canada? I SAID ARE YOU WITH ME???
*if we don’t reach the magical goal (asking price + 4% Indiegogo fee) we will make a bid of whatever we’ve gathered. If the bid is rejected, we don’t need your money after all.
Meanwhile, in Washington, DC:
My mayor smoked crack first.—
Lizzie O'Leary (@lizzieohreally) May 17, 2013
Meanwhile, in Vancouver:
Our mayor runs an organic juice company.—
stefan (@boring_as_heck) May 17, 2013