Fitness Fun: the Pranciest damn exercise videos you’ll ever see

I’m not even kidding. Nobody can top the description MichaelK came up with for the outfit. Joanna Rohrback resembles nothing so much as a freeze-dried Rosanna Arquette, adorned with:

Trace Cyrus galloping through a lavender field while getting attacked by bees. If you really want to look like a professional prancer who is serious about prancing, put a 30 pound wig on top of your head, a gorgeous QVC necklace around your neck, a coral Talbots cardigan on your body and ankle weights (which kind of look like rolled socks, glamour!) around your ankles.

You don’t think that can be possible, do you? You don’t think the reality could possibly live up to that description. Well, you haven’t met Rohrback yet, have you. Behold.

Prancercise

Prancercise

The thing is…the thing nobody is saying is…these are all actually the same goddam move, gramma. Stop this “Prancersise Walk, Prancercise Trot, Prancercise Gallop, Prancercise Box” foollery and take those ridiculous shoulderpads out! There is no such thing as a “Power Cardi.”

Well, we lied. The arm movements that, at the walk, are passably chic and make you think that Gramma must have really gotten her groove on back in the 70′s, devolve as the pace escalates to the “Broken-winged eagle trying to lift off” and then to the truly pitiful “Crushed Butterfly.”

Butterflies aren't free, clearly

Butterflies aren’t free, clearly

Even in life, there is the reminder of death. Yea, even in Prancercise.

OddityCentral calls this the most awkward workout of all time. Clearly, they haven’t watched the Julian Assange version of Prancersise. Yes, it’s true; would I lie to you? From time to time the bobbies let him out of the embassy for some fresh air, as long as he promises to be back in time for tea. And here he is.

And, of course, there’s a strong showing from an 80′s hair model.

Your votes?

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3 thoughts on “Fitness Fun: the Pranciest damn exercise videos you’ll ever see

  1. Apparently she’s making the rounds of the talk shows now, so you might see that yet.

    [how weird. I could swear I replied to this from my iphone, but clearly it didn't go through]

  2. Pingback: The Christian Diet Plan: a heapin’ helpin’ o’ bile | drinkscoaster

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