Author Archives

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Unboxing FruzsE

FruzsE at Roflcon

FruzsE at Roflcon

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.

That somebody is my co-worker (for the second time: the first was at the long-lost and oft-lamented True/Slant. We’re both chicks, so when it got sold to Forbes they let us go, but HEY NO HARD FEELINGS. The layoff notice addressed to “Dear Contributor” was a classy touch, I thought) Fruzsina Eördögh, and she is reporting from deep in the heart of ROFLcon for the DailyDot, along with a full third of the masthead.

I’m not. But it’s fine.

This is what conference journalism looks like from the trenches. If you’ve ever read Hunter S. Thompson I know these scenes will not frighten you, but they will shock you with just how far things have gone since HST was conference-going himself. You. Have. Been. Warned.

And here I am stuck at home. No open bar. No ROFLs. Not even a deflated Whoopie Cushion.

But it’s fine. It’s okay. I’ve still got my poetry.

IAMBIC Pentameter REPRESENT!

IAMBIC Pentameter REPRESENT!

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Aquatic Dragon Sighted!

Aquatic Dragon off the coast of Victoria

Aquatic Dragon off the coast of Victoria

What a day for nature lovers! Classic Rock radio 101 has reported the sighting of a rare Aquatic Dragon off the coast of Victoria, BC! Praise Cthulhu, we thought they had been hunted to extinction, along with their distant cousins, the Pacific Tree Octopus. This amazing creature, nearly 100m from its savagely curved beak to its tippiest tentacle, once blotted out the skies in its annual migrations from the Arctic plateaus to a still-undiscovered location somewhere in the South Pacific. Such were its numbers, and its fierce fighting ability, that it seemed unthinkable the species could ever be threatened.

That was, of course, before the advent of aircraft. Their soft, boneless bodies proved no match for slashing propellers and insatiable jet intakes, and for a generation or more the skies were greasy with carnage. You think you know how calamari was invented? Let me tell you, it was the act of a hardscrabble wartime population desperate for protein of any kind. When the planes flew overhead, housewives would run into the streets with buckets to catch the crudely hacked pieces of Aquatic Dragon that fell in a slimy torrent from the skies.

And soon, all too soon, it was all over.

WWII had done irreparable damage to the breeding population, and it is believed that nuclear tests in the South Pacific may have destroyed their traditional wintering grounds, leaving them with an unsustainable, nomadic, and doomed few survivors. This latest discovery is heartening in the extreme, for this juvenile specimen attests to the atavistic survival of at least two healthy Aquatic Dragons somewhere off the coast of Vancouver Island. My old alma mater, Miskatonic University, is gathering specialists in marine biology and herpetology to undertake an expedition in search of the creatures.

Hey, what could go wrong?

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Slacktivists Arise!

Be Anonymous this May Day!

Be Anonymous this May Day!

Forgot about Bank Transfer Day? Missed the Million Hoodie March? Still emotionally support Occupy and the 99%? Not to worry! Here’s something you can do to support the 99% and it won’t cost you a damn cent or take one damn minute of your time. This is perhaps the most perfect protest for the Age of Slacktivism: a May Day protest in which you do not a goddam thing, and by so doing, bring the 1% to their knees.

(via Max Adams)

Think about it. Those are great odds, and no heavy lifting.

99 to 1

99 to 1

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O Ye of Little Faith

Slaves I MEAN VOLUNTEERS

Slaves I MEAN VOLUNTEERS

Today’s classified ad comes from Christian outreach organization WEC International, who take the missionary position on all things, including, it seems, HR. You must read to the end to get the full effect.

Magazine Sub-editor or Chief Sub-editor, England – WEC International

Submitted: 25/04/12 ; Closing Date: Open

WEC’s Media & Communications team needs a clever, enthusiastic and hard-working sub-editor to work across a range of projects. Given the changing landscape of publishing, you will think multi-channel: print, web and mobile and be able subedit copy to suit each media.

Duties include: Subbing copy (news, features and marketing leaflets and flyers) arriving from various WEC UK ministries at speed and to tight deadlines, but with accuracy, attention to detail, precision and to a high and consistent standard, while also maintaining the house style and an appropriate tone of voice at all times; Writing eye-catching, snappy and accurate headlines, straps and abstracts/summaries. You will also be required to write the occasional feature.

This position is non-salaried as all WEC personnel look to God to provide their personal needs.

wecinternational.org.uk

They look to God to provide personal needs but apparently not to provide their staffing needs. Is that Satan’s department? From what I have experienced of HR, the answer is YES!

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GPOY: Tiara Edition

GPOY Tiara Edition

GPOY Tiara Edition

The most revolutionary part of this picture? The absence of pink. I’m not kidding here: go to any children’s wear store and look around: PINKPINKPINKPINKPINK as far as the eye can see, right up to the boy’s department, which has every colour except pink. Why? Seriously, why? Is it in fact essential that total strangers be able to tell our children’s sex from three furlongs away? Or is it, come to think of it, kinda freaky, not to mention tacky?

I think you know my answer.