Blame Artax!

Blame Artax!

Blame Artax!

The NeverEnding Story is a childhood classic with a neverending potential for discussion. Last week, we discussed how it’s all Artax’s fault that the generation that saw this as children turned out to be completely fucked up. Stupid horse! If you’d just stayed cheerful in the Swamps of Sadness (what, they don’t have bubblegum pop playlists in Fantasia?) you’d have made it out alive, a generation would not have wasted their adolescence pretending to be Fiona Apple and Trent Reznor, and Atreyu would have saved the world a helluva lot faster, you goddam waste of alfalfa!

Emo pony doesn't care about your sugar. Life IS lumps, sweetie.

Emo pony doesn’t care about your sugar. Life IS lumps, sweetie.

This week, we bring you the last thoughts of the late Artax, emo basketcase and (formerly) living proof that man’s best friend is a dog, not a goddam equine.

I’m feeling pretty crummy, if I’m honest with myself. And sort of…melon…what’s that word? Melatonin? Melancholy, that’s it. Boy, I gotta start doing the crossword again, my vocab’s gone to shit.

‘Course I never was the sharpest nail in the horseshoe.

Is the mud getting deeper or is it just me? It is just me. Atreyu! I’m, like, four feet tall all of a sudden. What the heck?

It…it just gets worse from there. Go on. Read the whole thing.

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The Greatest Sesame Street Recap in All Time and All Space

Big Bird: pictured left to right, same dude

Big Bird: pictured left to right, same dude

You think I’m kidding, don’t you? You’re probably feeling pretty smug about your OWN Sesame Street recaps, perhaps for good reason, but once you read this recap from Scott Lynch on Livejournal you’ll have to give it up to Scotty; this shizz is genius. Hat tip to Bourgeois Nerd for this awesome discovery.

Seriously, do you have anything like this, from a visit to the museum in which Snuffy and Bird run into a 4000 year old Egyptian ghost, a demon, and Osiris.

To which Big Bird interjects: “That’s not fair!” I am absolutely not fucking kidding. This is the part of the program where Big Bird defies a god and argues justice for the tormented soul of his little buddy … You think you know a Muppet… but it’s plain that we’ve had Big Bird figured all wrong. He’s no kindergartener. He’s a previously unknown aspect of the Eternal fucking Champion.

Take that, Elmo!

The Invention of Dubstep

Dwight is right. Dubstep sucks.

Dwight is right. Dubstep sucks.

Well, now we know who to blame: Fun Fun, an Italian disco act of major attitude and minor talent. They were, in fact, so bad at disco that they turned it into dubstep, which is the least that it deserves for all what it put us through back in the day. So here, with or without further ado, is Happy Station, the song that started it all. This video has everything 2012 and nothing 1983 except the cropped sweatshirts: zombies, robotic dance moves, surrealism, a Token Black Guy, and shameless camera hogging by that blonde with the side ponies.

via ThingsISawThatILove

Of course, since it’s dubstep, that Happy Station is probably a Numbers Station.

Harry Potter’s Day Off

The Harry Potter saga, if it had been filmed by John Hughes. You know, there’s a certain part of me (the 80′s part) that can’t help but think this would have been way better.

according to the YouTube, I’m supposed to credit this to ‘Thewlis Rox’ @ so, thereyago!

In related news, click over the jump to today’s celebrity gossip links.

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