Category Archives: Canada

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How to Do ANYTHING Better on 4/20

420 Vancouver by gillicious

420 Vancouver by gillicious

Yes, it’s a civic holiday in Vangroover (not really, but yeah) and there’s a distinct likelihood that several, if not even plenty of my readers, yes, we can see you out there, you left the webcam on and your eyeballs look like piss holes in the snow, may be somewhat affected by, shall we say, hyperlocal atmospheric conditions.

So, in the spirit of serviceyness, we present a couple of handy-dandy guides that will help you pretend not to be completely fucked up.

First up, Mowing Your Lawn on PCP:

Great! Don’t you feel productive now? But the night is still young, so don’t stop the buzz now! Grab a bottle of some refreshing liquid and follow along with Jenna Marbles as she shows you how to do makeup drunk.

And now Hannah from My Drunk Kitchen shows you How to Make Poutine, which you will want if you got baked, yourself:

She should definitely NOT have licked up the gravy that dissolved the dust from Burning Man and washed it down with a Caesar. She was only drunk before: now she’s a bad case of All Of The Above.

One thing that should not be attempted under the influence: singing in the car. If you’re the driver, you shouldn’t be messed up, and if you’re not the driver, you’re annoying the driver. Besides, no matter how awesome you think you are, you aren’t as awesome as this guy (yes, more Canadian Content; we’re just that much better at being drunk/stoned than you are):

And, no matter how awesome you think you are, even if you are sober and your audience is completely shitfaced, you will never be as good as Nicki Bluhm and The Gramblers, who use their van as a recording booth while tootling around San Francisco belting out cover tunes.

You’re welcome.

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What I’m Missing: in Yellowknife this week

The Long John Jamboree.

This is what it looks like, according to FranH on Flickr. They may only have a couple of hours of sunlight, but that’s two more than we’re getting in Vancouver right now. I STILL regret not seeing any competitive tea boiling when I was up there (what? WHAT? It’s a THING, I’m telling you).

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Roy Henry Vickers’ The Elders Are Watching

Roy Henry Vickers is quite simply one of the greatest living artists. The web doesn’t do justice to his work, because some of the images are rendered in such a way that the totality of the work cannot be seen from every position; you can’t just stare at them straight-on and expect things to reveal themselves. His work was the inspiration for my own logo, which was created for me by my friend Shahee.

He’s gotten into social media in a big way recently, with Facebook and Twitter, and now YouTube as well. One of his most famous works is called The Elders are Watching, and he’s done it beautifully and movingly in video form. You will like this.

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Christmas in Canuckistan

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Merry Christmas, eh!

It has come to our attention here at Operation Global Media Domination’s Mountain Lair that not everyone around the world celebrates Christmas the way we here in the People’s Republic of Canuckistan do. In Belgium they prepare their children for abduction by the loathesome Black Peter, while in Spain there’s something about six or eight black men…I didn’t really follow that part…and in Australia, of course, where it’s the height of summer, they spend the solstice season celebrating the birth of Archie.

This is how we celebrate the season in my country:

HOCKEY!

BITCHING ABOUT WORK!

Union Lightbulbs

Union Lightbulbs

OCCUPYING!

Occupy Christmas

Occupy Christmas

PRETENDING INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SINGING OUT LOUD!

DRINKING!

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

What else is there when you can’t afford to shop? Oh, right, work for awesome clients who pay in cases of wine instead of cash! This is my favorite way to get my Christmas shopping done, actually.

Cheers!

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OccupyVancouver becomes OccupyHarper

Occupy Harper

Occupy Harper

Our Robot Overlord Stephen “Landru” Harper didn’t get quite the reception he was expecting at today’s photo-op at Science World in Vangroover. Or maybe he did. Either way, today was an unequivocal win for the Occupy movement, even before the Prime Minister’s gilded coach SUV ran over a couple of bicycles while fleeing the scene.

Oh, he’s done for now!

Harper Hates Bikes

Harper Hates Bikes

In fairness, she looks hella dangerous. And what business did she have locking her bike up on a city-provided bike rack in the first place? Asking for it, totally.

And by the way, nobody seems to have noted that it is illegal to drive motorized vehicles on the Seawall in Vancouver, so Heil Harper was in fact breaking the law. But the VPD got flak when they broke the idling laws:

After a while (and I believe after we had started effecting Harper’s schedule) the motorcycle cops started their engines and moved into a formation. They then say there idling and the crowd began to remind them of Vancouver’s anti-idling laws. A good time was had by all!

Not all of his escorts were unsympathetic to the protest:

Harper's Men in Suits

Harper's Men in Suits

In fact, the Men in Suits bear an uncanny likeness to another politically active group.

United as one divided by zero

United as one divided by zero

No wonder I love a man in a good suit!

And then, Harper scarpered. Don’t worry, you’re doing a heckuva job, Harpy!

Heil Harper

Heil Harper