Uh-oh.
Orca Flight
Yep, we’re all fucked, ladies and gentlemen. This image (stolen from Facebook) clearly shows that British Columbian killer whales have learned how to fly. And oh, you smug land-going krill? You’re not safe either, as this footage of a flying humpback demonstrates. Being heavier, it’s harder for them to achieve and maintain the airborne state, but once they master this, no life-form is safe.
THEY ARE COMING
Rob Ford and Pals
Ladies and Gentlemen, by now you’ve heard the rumour that Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, has been caught on video smoking crack (and wearing unbecoming clothing). The owner of the video wants $100,000 for it, apparently not figuring that Ford would have that much hush money handy. That’s only three cents from each Canadian, so I thought it would make a nice exercise in national unity for us all to band together and buy this thing.
I sensed a need. I filled it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the IndieGoGo fundraiser: Buy Rob Ford’s Crack Tape!
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has a lot of enemies. Do any of them have enough hatred to band together and purchase what editor John Cook of Gawker says is video of Rob Ford smoking crack?
Is it even worth $100,000? Maybe not to one Canadian, but to all Canadians?
This Victoria Day, let the nation band together, from sea to shining sea, from the far North to the southernmost reaches of Ontario, as one, united in their distaste for this mortifying homunculus.
For just three cents per citizen, we can assure the final ruin of Ford’s colourful, storied, allegedly indictable celebrity once and for all.
Are you with me, Canada? I SAID ARE YOU WITH ME???
*if we don’t reach the magical goal (asking price + 4% Indiegogo fee) we will make a bid of whatever we’ve gathered. If the bid is rejected, we don’t need your money after all.
My mayor smoked crack first.—
Lizzie O'Leary (@lizzieohreally) May 17, 2013
Our mayor runs an organic juice company.—
stefan (@boring_as_heck) May 17, 2013
2013 FLSTC Heritage Softail Black HARLEY DAVIDSON
Ain’t she a beaut? And she’s worth $22,000 to boot. Think of what a fabulous mid-life crisis pressie she would be for, oh, I dunno, ME?
How can she be yours for a mere $20 you ask? Read on and I will tell you. You’re welcome.
The Okanagan Falls 2nd Annual Bike Rally organizers have generously chosen the South Okanagan’s very own Okanagan International Children’s Festival as the charity for their annual raffle!
GRAND PRIZE: 2013 FLSTC Heritage Softail Black HARLEY DAVIDSON
(Value: $22,678, BC Gaming Event License #51717)1 ticket for $20 (Must be 19+ to purchase a ticket.)
‘Attend’ this event, and you will be contacted with an opportunity to buy your tickets. Or contact Administrator(s) directly!
SPREAD THE WORD! Support the Festival and WIN A HARLEY!
Only 3500 tickets printed!
Outlets
Bayley’s Brew Ha Ha, 103-1652 Fairview Rd Penticton
Burger 55, 85 Westminster Avenue East, Penticton
CG Custom Motorcycles, 288 Westminster Ave W, Penticton
The Grooveyard, 239 Main Street, Penticton
Call Okanagan International Children’s Festival Office for ticket details and times to purchase direct 250-493-8800.
Locations
April 7, 13, 14 & 21 – Cherry Lane Shopping Centre, 230 – 2111 Main Street, Penticton
Watch for other venues to be announced.
Draw date: May 12, 2013 at 5pm
OK Falls Hotel 1054 Main Street, Okanagan Falls, BC V0H 1R0To see the rules of play go to www.okchildrensfest.org
Chances are 1 in 3,500 (total tickets for sale) to win a grand prize.
BC Gaming Event Licence #51717.
Problem Gambling Help Line 1-888-795-6111 Know your limit, play within it. 19+
www.bcresponsiblegambling.ca
Selah.
First Nations pony is also overjoyed
When I mentioned on Facebook that I was coming to the wild Penticistan steppes above Ruralopolis, I never thought that the locals would take it upon themselves to create a Welcome video for me. Apparently, they were so overcome with joy at the thought that soon the mighty raincoaster would roam the sagebrush slopes above the lake, gibbering softly and occasionally making nameless sacrifices on mysterious altars on the hilltops, that they created this gloriously Canadian multiculti work of art to welcome me.
It appears they think I do not know what is meant by the term “Indian pony” but we will let it slide. After all, OMG PONIES!
A couple of years ago, it was the year of Merry Fucking Christmas; this year, it appears to be more along the lines of WTF Christmas. For examples of what Batshit Insane holidays look like, see the following trio of videos.
JP Auclair demonstrates “urban skiing” in Trail, BC.
Remi Gaillard demonstrates “batshit insane” in the south of France.
And finally, some wholesome, and completely batshit insane, heliskiers falling down mountains in the forest of the BC interior.
