THEY are arming! Chihuahua strike force assembling

Kurt Cobain welcomes the Herald of Death

Kurt Cobain welcomes the Herald of Death

Somebody get me Wikileaks…this story is too big to be contained.

We have consistently attempted to warn an oblivious world to the danger posed by those fanged and clawed trembly naked mole rats known as Chihuahuas, and has it listened?

The hell it has.

Well, folks, congratulations. It’s Too Late:

THEY have a cavalry.

and THEY have reinforcements.

You have been warned.

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Chihuahuas: fanged mole rats of doom! OF DOOM, PEOPLE!

Evil puppehs are evil

Evil puppehs are evil

Long have we shouted into the insatiable, oblivious void, warning of the dangers of those tiny, trembling, fanged and clawed homunculi known as Chihuahuas. And have you listened? Hellz no you have not; you persist in toting these hideous, incontinent fetal aliens in handbags and amusingly-McMansion-shaped wheelie bins everywhere you go.

[aside: while I was writing this, Zemanta came up with some Related Articles and they included something I could have sworn said "cooking and features of a Blue Chihuahua" but alas it was "coloring" instead. Imagine my disappointment. Also, capitalizing adjectives and nouns? Isn't that German? Are these loathesome creatures the spawn of some unthinkable Nazi experiment? It would explain a lot, that's all I'm saying. Also, apparently cooking Chihuahuas is A Thing:

CORRECTION: The first ingredient in the 4/30 Quesadillas recipe should have read “1 cup shredded Mexican Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Pepper Jack, or brick cheese.” Somehow, an auto spell-check changed cheddar to Chihuahua. We apologize for the error and hope that no Chihuahuas were harmed due to the error.

] yes I had to end the [...] because I’m meticulous like that.

But now we have reports, many reports, coming in. You will not listen to reason, but might you listen to evidence? Just maybe?

From the comments on Gawker:

Good Girl Gone Bad @raincoaster
Actually scientists did some DNA analysis that showed chihuahuas are descended from an entirely different type of canine than all of the other breeds of dogs. They can interbreed with other breeds of dogs only because most species of canine can interbreed (like wolves and dogs(

So actually you are right

P.S. I have a supercrush on you.

Obviously a person of vast intelligence and exquisite taste. This was in the comments added to an article about how a thief stole it out of a car along with a laptop but returned the Naked Mole Rat “Dog” in the back seat, because even criminals deserve better company.

Chihuahuas have been named one of the 100 most dangerous dogs in Australia (way to go, team!):

CHIHUAHUAS and pomeranians are on the list of Queenland”s 100 most menacing dogs.

They might stand less than 30cm tall, but the small pets have now officially been declared menacing creatures by authorities, under controversial new state laws aimed at slowing the state’s rising number of dog attacks.

More than a year after the laws were introduced, only 110 dogs have been declared menacing in Queensland, but authorities predict that will soar as awareness of the new laws spreads.

And awareness of the right to self-defense.

At least the damn things can’t breed.

Or fly. Like Poodles can.

Shelter workers at an SPCA on B.C.’s Sunshine Coast have taken an injured poodle under their wing after the canine was dropped onto the grounds of a care home by a large bird of prey.

The six-year-old poodle, dubbed “Miracle May” by workers, fell from the sky onto the Shorncliff Nursing Home in Sechelt on May 2.

Where is your dog now?

Where is your dog now?

It RISES!

Cthihuahualu rises! HE is coming!

Cthihuahualu rises! HE is coming!

Cthuahualu rises, ravening, from the black abyss whence he was confined untold ages ago. Slavering in his untameable, gibbering madness he will not be satisfied until he has utterly ravaged the Earth. The barren, scarred rock, sprouting lava pustules, swept by odourous winds of the star-spaces borne on the wings of the Hounds of Tindalos, will then be ready.

For Him to poop on.

Backstage with Dali

Dali and flying cats by philippe halsman

Dali and flying cats by philippe halsman

Oh, it looks easy (okay, it looks impossible) but the amount of work this shot actually took is truly mind-boggling, most particularly when you realize there were cats involved. Yes, cats: Chihuahuas in alter form, fanged knick-knacks, short-tempered, incontinent attention sinkholes (huh, maybe they`re Mickey Rourke in alter form) in the shape of naked mole rats. Evil to the core.

It`s amazing to me nobody was killed during the shoot.

Dali and flying cats takes one through six

Dali and flying cats takes one through six. DUCK!

Then, undoubtedly, he killed the secretary and made her into a light fixture for a dinner party with the Duchess of Windsor. And the cats, too.

And now, speaking of viciousness and fanged, clawed, and bad-tempered things, let`s get to some gossip links:

The Julian Assange coloring book (raincoaster)

It! Is! Time! (Ayyyy)

King of the Road (Manolofood)

Chuck Norris fears this man (Lolebrity)

Interview with raincoaster (SurveyMagnet)

Beastie Boys beat 2010 (AgentBedhead)

Owen Wilson…daddy? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Demi Lovato morphing into Demi Moore? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Natalie Portman is a cannibal! (CeleBitchy)

Hold it against Britney (CelebritySmack)

Michael Douglas has left Tumortown (DailyStab)

Famous people: VERY different from you and me (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Natalie Portman in World’s Ugliest Maternity Dress (HaveUHeard)

Sandra Bullock simultaneously beats Jesse James AND ScarJo (INeedMyFix)

The verdict on holding it against Britney (PoorBritney)

Who invited TomKat? (PopBytes)

Mila Kunis gets real about weight (TheSkinny)

Empress Gaga? President Gaga? (EvilBeet)

Victoria Beckham to switch to flats in 6 months or so (GabbyBabble)

Trailer parks of the world wild for Bieber, apparently (FitFabCeleb)

Sy-Phillis! Cloris Leachman`s talent is contagious! (Movieline)

 

 

Chihuahorror for Kurt Cobain

Kurt Cobain welcomes the Herald of Death

Kurt Cobain welcomes the Herald of Death

Once the Purse Dog of the Apocalypse arrives, a wise man knows he’s not long for this world. Look upon the face of a man who knows his time is nearly up (or, as someone said of Courtney Love, “If you were married to her, wouldn’t you kill yourself?”).

In related apocalyptic celebrity news:

A New Year’s prayer from Jeff Buckley (raincoaster)

Dear 2010, kiss my ass (Lolebrity)

The Cure for 2010 (Ayyyy)

Strangely, nothing to do with Milton Berle (Manolofood)

Ashton Kutcher, bringer of the apocalypse (AgentBedhead)

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, or so we hope (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ugly Sweaters: so 2010. The Look of Today? Ugly Leggings (CeleBitchy)

Shania Twain knows whose bed his boots have been under (CelebritySmack)

But there’s still time, Michelle! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bikini Fails of 2010 (CityRag)

Paula Abdul is sotally tober! (DailyStab)

If he were as hot as Russel Brand, he wouldn’t be forced into rehab (Earsucker)

Dear Ex, u got servd, sincerely Lady Gaga (FitFabCeleb)

Lisa Rinna SANS FARDS (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Justin Bieber went slumming for New Year’s (GossipTeen)

Valerie Bertinelli knows how to rock a second wedding dress (HaveUHeard)

Lindsay, the FIRST step is admitting you have a problem (INeedMyFix)

Vanessa Hudgens can’t figure out which end of her pants needs hitching (JustJared)

Kathy Griffin is going to f—– Palin up this year (PerezHilton)

BritBrit to do GQ (PoorBritney)

Bitchy Brits vs Stateside Celebs (PopBytes)

John Stamos cast in Twilight??? (SeriouslyOMG)

You will never look this good in a bikini (TheSkinny)