How to Do ANYTHING Better on 4/20

420 Vancouver by gillicious

420 Vancouver by gillicious

Yes, it’s a civic holiday in Vangroover (not really, but yeah) and there’s a distinct likelihood that several, if not even plenty of my readers, yes, we can see you out there, you left the webcam on and your eyeballs look like piss holes in the snow, may be somewhat affected by, shall we say, hyperlocal atmospheric conditions.

So, in the spirit of serviceyness, we present a couple of handy-dandy guides that will help you pretend not to be completely fucked up.

First up, Mowing Your Lawn on PCP:

Great! Don’t you feel productive now? But the night is still young, so don’t stop the buzz now! Grab a bottle of some refreshing liquid and follow along with Jenna Marbles as she shows you how to do makeup drunk.

And now Hannah from My Drunk Kitchen shows you How to Make Poutine, which you will want if you got baked, yourself:

She should definitely NOT have licked up the gravy that dissolved the dust from Burning Man and washed it down with a Caesar. She was only drunk before: now she’s a bad case of All Of The Above.

One thing that should not be attempted under the influence: singing in the car. If you’re the driver, you shouldn’t be messed up, and if you’re not the driver, you’re annoying the driver. Besides, no matter how awesome you think you are, you aren’t as awesome as this guy (yes, more Canadian Content; we’re just that much better at being drunk/stoned than you are):

And, no matter how awesome you think you are, even if you are sober and your audience is completely shitfaced, you will never be as good as Nicki Bluhm and The Gramblers, who use their van as a recording booth while tootling around San Francisco belting out cover tunes.

You’re welcome.

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The history of Puppy Mills

It's a dog's life.

It's a dog's life.

The Rules of the Universe dictate that for every kitteh post we post a puppeh post. Oh, and if reading the harsh truths about the conversion of excess pettitude into electricity so you can watch Two and a Half Men in comfort shocks you, there’s also this:

Om nom nom Pom

Om nom nom Pom

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, all right-thinking people! Here is a pretty accurate video portraying the differences between how Canadians and Americans celebrate this weekend’s momentous event, Canadian Thanksgiving.

Seriously, can you imagine what it’s like to be forced to give thanks for sharing a country with Celine Dion? The American response would be welcomed as a sweet release.

If you’re in Vancouver and single and thinking you’d enjoy the taste of tradition but not willing to go through the whole Turkey For One routine, then get down to Steamrollers (not a paid placement, neither in gold nor in burritos, alas, although retroactive bribes are ALWAYS acceptable) and buy their Thanksgiving burritos. They’ve got turkey, a strip of cranberry sauce, stuffing, and mashed potatoes with gravy, all prepared without trans fats and rolled up into a reheatable bundle. There’s apparently a guy in Yaletown who orders several flats of them, freezes them, and has one a week all year. I would, if I had: a) the money b) a freezer.

Best. Facebook. Thread. Ever.

Best Facebook Thread Ever in history

Best Facebook Thread Ever in history

Thanks, Archie, for the image!

and for those of you who prefer text: (I have the feeling this will go around the internet a couple of times)

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Things it is not fair to post when I’m on a diet

This:

English breakfast pizza, om to the nom nom

I am not seeing any black pudding in that

via NegevRockCity and Slice

English. Breakfast. Pizza.

I’m serious, people, DON’T DO THIS TO ME! I’m fat-and-carb deprived and currently subsisting entirely off a diet somewhat lower down the food chain than a goldfinch, and it makes me cranky. We don’t have to review what happened the last time I went on a diet, do we?

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