Found on Robson Street. That’s either a Cthulhu whose wings have been plucked (Nodens, that fucker, without a doubt) or a portrait in site-appropriate rainforest marble of some random douchebro on Granville street at about 3am, puking his virgin guts out.
Longtime readers know how much I adore this, the Hallmarkiest Holiday. Over the years, I’ve commemorated it with bouquets of dead flowers, Partridge Family anthems, and a lot of old-skool punk macros. Today, I have a roundup of the valentines which I received (TWO! Infinitely better than last year! Literally! Look how excited I am!) and those which I merely saw and wish to share.
And from longtime blogging pal Disembedded, a street art heart.
Joe NYC Valentine
And now, from around the internet:
Happy V Day from JA
Valentine’s Day at Batman’s
My new imaginary sweetie Vin Diesel being adorbs.
A morbidly romantic safety reminder from Australia’s Dumb Ways to Die juggernaut.
And lastly but far from leastly, comes a Cthulhu Kissing Booth. Yes. An ACTUAL. CTHULHU. KISSING. BOOTH. But don’t get fresh and ask him who will be eaten first; not unless you’ve at least bought him dinner and flowers.
Cthulhu Kissing Booth: Pucker up and hang on to your sanity…if you CAN
If that doesn’t get me on Reddit, fuck the aspie lot of ‘em!
I WARNED YOU ALL!!!! I warned you, and you laughed, didn’t you, or at least you lol’d and posted it to Twitter. I know you, you and your lol-ing, Twitter-posting ways.
But you didn’t take it seriously, and now look what’s happened while you were off posting cat pictures to Facebook: they’ve begun to spread. The first Flying Orca, as previously reported, was spotted in BC, as was the first known Flying Humpback Whale. The Cascadia region is a well-known refuge for cryptids, from the noble Sasquatch to the mighty Ogopogo, and not forgetting the endangered Pacific Tree Octopus. Now according to the Daily Mail, the terrifying Flying Orca been spotted off the coast of Mexico. Obviously they have a means of long-distance communication that not even the NSA can detect!
Meanwhile, under the sea, all has become a deranged orgy of climate change-inspired breeding and cannibalism! It’s like a Russ Myers/Roger Corman film starring the Deep Ones!
But it gets worse.
Just as normally-submarine predators have taken to the skies, so too have voracious land-based killing machines begun to encroach on environments in which they were previously unknown.
That’s right: you are not safe on the land, in the air, or on the sea. Sleep well. As for me, I’m off to buy a shovel and start digging.
Make way for Megalodon! Now boarding in rows OH SHIT to WE’RE FUCKED.