Category Archives: Cthulhu

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Guess who’s back?

Teenythulhu Rises!

Teenythulhu Rises!

via Archie

It’s been awhile since we had any spectacular tentacular action here, and I aim to get correcting that ASAP. As soon as I can free myself from the tentacles of Operation Global Media Domination, that is: I’ve taken on the Morning GIF on the DailyDot, plus my other work, including a kickass interview of Christine Assange, Julian’s mother, which should be coming out today sometime; I’m teaching at EatDrinkTweet, a three-day conference in the Okanagan for social media, wine, and food (always an epic good time and great learning too); I have a backlog approximately three years deep of posts for the food blog; and I’m working with ACTUALLY FAMOUS productivity expert Mike Vardy on developing an entire line of learning products for people who aren’t handy to one of our Social Flow workshops. Oh AND thanks to re-reading my friend Alanna‘s book for the third time, I’m now doing some WordPress and social media work for her while she looks for other opportunities for me.

Hence the Blogthings, picture posts, etc. We shall return to our regularly scheduled perving, swearing, politicking, and absurdism anon.

Oscar Wilde is Anonymous

Oscar Wilde is Anonymous

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Operation Global Media Domination: the Occupy Vancouver Situation

Octopi Vancouver

The Occupy Vancouver Media Domination Situation? Frankly, it sucks.

Occupy Vancouver sucks for hits, Google features nothing but page after page of mainstream media when you search for the term, and nobody in this town even seems to know I’m back from Yellowknife, let alone at Occupy Vancouver every other damn day/night. But that won’t stop me.

And it won’t stop me from boasting, either. Because I may not have the hits, but I have very glossy retweeters and atters, so there. I’ve lost the direct links to Neil Gaiman and William Gibson (once my favorite Starbucks customer), but that’s just because they talk almost as much as I do!

not to mention a hit-boosting RT of my article from OccupyVancouver and Bianca Jagger. Yes, THAT Bianca Jagger; how many do you think there are? She’s pretty awesome on Twitter, so I doubt the world could hold more than one.

I always say thank you, because I have fucking GREAT manners, bitchez.

and she has excellent manners as well:

And so, even though I spent 15 minutes of my Twitter for the Occupy Movement workshop telling people not to cultivate celebrities as a media strategy, it does make for a quick and popular (and validating) blog post. So, do as I tweet, not as I blog? Or something? It’s been a long day.

Speaking of Validation:

That’ll teach the Province to suggest I intern for them!

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Politics as Usual

I am a Vancouver Mayoral Candidate. I have a stuffed lobster. Hail our Crustacean overlords!

I am a Vancouver Mayoral Candidate. I have a stuffed lobster. Hail our Crustacean overlords!

As I’ve said before, Oh Vancouver, never change.

After Suzanne Anton’s failed Nixonian move, it looks like she’s out of the running. Even the Success KoolAid marketing networker drones would be embarrassed to be publicly seen advocating for someone who leaves a motion till it’s too late to vote on, attempts to have it passed anyway, and then goes dark, presumably because even she knows we’ve all had enough of her.

Mayor Gregor, or as we call him around here April’s imaginary boyfriend, gave an apparently quite respectable speech tonight at the Vision Vancouver gala. No video yet, because Vancouver is, well, Vancouver.

Speaking of Vancouver being Vancouver, as you can clearly see from the image featured in this post, there is only one mayoral candidate who is clearly speaking to the needs of the Cthulian demographic, and that is Lobster Man Darrell “The Sax Maniac” Zimmerman.

How long must we remain a marginalized minority? How long must we take the scraps off the tables of the rich? Wait. We ARE the scraps!

“I’m going to be the only homeless candidate in this election,” Zimmerman told me.

He likes waving around a toy lobster to highlight Vision Vancouver councillor Heather Deal’s decision to tweet a photo of leftovers from a lobster feast at a Federation of Canadian Municipalities meeting in Halifax.

I, personally, am less offended by the lavish dinner than by the fact that they paid $2300 and drank out of plastic cups. BRANDED plastic cups.

That’s it. I’ve made up my mind how to vote.

Cthulhu for president DESPAIR ALL YE WHO ENTER VOTING BOOTHS

Cthulhu for president DESPAIR ALL YE WHO ENTER VOTING BOOTHS

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How do you spell “Hail Cthulhu” in Elvish?

Occupy Pumpkin Patch

GPOY: Occupy Pumpkin Patch

via Vicki McLeod

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

I had the best costume today, even if the mask didn’t fit very well.

V for Vogue

V for Vogue

The best part was that when people at, say, Starbucks looked surprised and alarmed (and they did) I just said, “Well, we TOLD you to expect us!” and they’d laugh.

Didn’t get the pumpkin carved in time (Elvish characters are a bitch to make without a proper Elven Pumpkin Carving Dagger) so I guess I’ll be eating a lot of curry, soups, and pie [holla, Oxford Comma] in the near future. And even though I had no jack o’ lantern and the porch light was out, I did get a few kids showing up: one four year old Super Mario, one six year old witch, a three year old um something vampiric I guess, and two older kids around twelve, one dressed in civvies and the other at least halfheartedly tried with a boy scout uniform. I rooted through the kitchen in desperation and ended up giving out all the apples. Super Mario Boy, “Oh goody, I LOVE apples!” By the time I remembered the lowfat caramel dip (what do you dip in it, Jenny Craig?) I was all out of Trick or Treaters for this year.

Then the cats and I spent four hours watching the fireworks in the park behind the house. Yes. Four. Hours. Every time there was a pause the black cat would freak out and start frantically pawing at the glass to make it start again. The bizarre thing is, it worked Every. Single. Time. The other cat expressed himself more directly, by expressing himself over the rug which is, thank god, machine washable.

In other news of unholy manifestations, I see that He is risen at last.

That’s right, bitches: Cthulhu is back!

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

As you can clearly see from these before-and-after pictures of the Chao Phraya river, He has returned…to Thailand. Great, do you have any idea how much the airfare will be?

HE could be a little more considerate, knowmasayin’?

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

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Steve Jobs’s Afterlife

In the current state of affairs, there is obviously one question and one question only that must be on the minds of all the most intelligent citizens of the world, be they in Ponape or Rhode Island.

Or even Cupertino.

If, indeed, Steve Jobs is/was/will be the unspeakable Elder God Cthulhu, what’s his next move?

At last, we have our answer. And it is GLORIOUS!

Cthulhu vs Thomas Kinkade

Cthulhu vs Thomas Kinkade: there's an app for that

From Gawker commenter Sugarfly McQueen:

His earthly techno-geek duties finally at an end, He’s been called to fulfill a greater purpose: destroying Thomas Kinkade pictures from the inside out.

Somewhere, Steve is chuckling. And rolling up his sleeves.

Steve Jobs ponders his next sexxxy move

Steve Jobs ponders his next sexxxy move