Horrors from Beneath: The Octopus and the Mantis Shrimp

Two more in the series of Why I Don’t Swim in the Ocean. I would, if I could convince a pair of divers to swim below me at all times. Watch these videos and you’ll see why.

The Octopus

and

The Mantis Shrimp, ancestor to all clowns. Have a good time trying to sleep tonight.

Enjoy your next swim!

h/t Griffin Boyce

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Not-So-Great Cthulhu!

Untitled

 

Found on Robson Street. That’s either a Cthulhu whose wings have been plucked (Nodens, that fucker, without a doubt) or a portrait in site-appropriate rainforest marble of some random douchebro on Granville street at about 3am, puking his virgin guts out.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Longtime readers know how much I adore this, the Hallmarkiest Holiday. Over the years, I’ve commemorated it with bouquets of dead flowers, Partridge Family anthems, and a lot of old-skool punk macros. Today, I have a roundup of the valentines which I received (TWO! Infinitely better than last year! Literally! Look how excited I am!) and those which I merely saw and wish to share.

From KAL301 on Twitter, I got an ASCII rose.

And from longtime blogging pal Disembedded, a street art heart.

Joe NYC Valentine

Joe NYC Valentine

And now, from around the internet:

Happy V Day from JA

Happy V Day from JA

Valentine's Day at Batman's

Valentine’s Day at Batman’s

Valentine Doge

Valentine Doge

My new imaginary sweetie Vin Diesel being adorbs.

A morbidly romantic safety reminder from Australia’s Dumb Ways to Die juggernaut.

And lastly but far from leastly, comes a Cthulhu Kissing Booth. Yes. An ACTUAL. CTHULHU. KISSING. BOOTH. But don’t get fresh and ask him who will be eaten first; not unless you’ve at least bought him dinner and flowers.

Cthulhu Kissing Booth: Pucker up and hang on to your sanity...if you CAN

Cthulhu Kissing Booth: Pucker up and hang on to your sanity…if you CAN

If that doesn’t get me on Reddit, fuck the aspie lot of ‘em!

Unicorn Chaser: Lobster Shell Motorcycle

Lobstercycle!

Lobstercycle!

Happy fucking Wednesday. Here is a little motorcycle made out of lobster shells.

Lobstercycle The Other Side

Lobstercycle The Other One

Peace out.

THEY WALK!

We are fucked, my friends

We are fucked, my friends

What did I say? WHAT DID I SAY?

I said, “We’re all fucked.”

We just got 25% more fucked.

Orcas can fly. Cougars can swim. Meerkats can operate AK-47′s. Raccoons have taken up swordfighting. And now, sharks can walk.

Good luck trying to get back to sleep tonight. THAT is in the ocean off the Moluccas. I swam in that water. That’s what’s down there. And you wonder why I don’t go in the ocean anymore.

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu