Category Archives: Cthulhu

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Tentacle Wars: Octopus vs Cuttlefish in a battle to the death!

Cuttlefish VS Octopus

Cuttlefish VS Octopus

Yes, we’ve had a lot of videos around these parts lately, but how could I possibly pass up video of a spanner-stealing octopus and what at first seems like a simple bunch of floating seaweed, before breaking loose into All Hell?

and from the diver’s comments:

I was undoing the bolts on the Current Meter housing for routine servicing, when the octopus crept out of the housing, and demanded to have my spanner. I am sure the cuttlefish must have been biding his time on this octopus. But the octopus could not resist my spanner, it made repeated attempts to steal it as I tried to undo the bolts. This game of taking my spanner went on for several minutes. Eventually I gave up on the bolts and took out my camera, which I had with me to record the condition of the Current Meter…

Each year from April to June the cuttlefish off Sydney become extremely aggressive. They often follow divers and sometimes attack them. But they love octopus. I had a repeat experience last year in May, when I again had an octopus come out of its lair to try and take a shiny buckle which was attached to a rope. After a few minutes a cuttlefish attacked the octopus exactly as before. Unfortunately for the cuttlefish, this time the octopus managed to keep half its body free, and after a minute of intense struggle it slipped out of the cuttlefish’s grip, and, I kid you not, sat on the cuttlefish’s head. So there we were, I am looking at them holding my breath, the octopus is sitting on the cuttlefish’s head, and the octopus is looking at me with a “Can you believe it” expression. After another minute of stillness, the octopus shot off in a cloud of ink, leaving the cuttlefish confused and exhausted. Unfortunately I did not have camera handy.

So, word to the wise: as we’ve said before, ANYTHING in the sea could be a hungry cephalopod, so just stay on dry land, why doncha?

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In the Cards

So there I was, minding everyone else’s business on 7 different social media platforms as one does, when suddenly I saw it. And it’s a good thing I did, because I can’t even find it now, but there it was at the time, right there in front of me in black and white or, as we “in the biz” say, in 000000 and ffffff: a tweet about Julian Assange‘s tarot cards.

Now, I don’t know about you. I only know about me. Do we have to go over this again? But one thing I do know about other people, and particularly people who pride themselves on being mathematically/computorially/autodidactically inclined is, the very existence of things like tarot cards offends them on some level.

So, naturally, I forwarded the information about Julian Assange‘s tarot cards to the head of the JulianAssangeFanciersGuild. And who among us would not have done the same, I asks yez? Eh?

Quite.

Some time later I got chatting with the tarot card reader (a tarot card reader who does readings via Twitter: welcome, in one perfect swoop of fellage, to the Twenty-First Century) and she offered to do a reading for me, for free. And as I’m inordinately fond of that particular F Word, I accepted, and that with what I believe is called alacrity. And while you’ll have to do without Julian’s reading, for lo I cannot find it, you can read mine, and it is VERY entertaining, particularly if you know anything about tarot.

Now, you can argue whether or not it “works,” but the one thing you cannot argue is that it is very, very, VERY, and did I mention VERY unlikely that any person’s reading will consist entirely of Major Arcana, ie facecards, over multiple readings and, indeed, multiple readers.

But.

Somehow, it always works out this way for me. Al. Ways.

And so it was this time, mathematically impossible as it was.

To everything, turn turn turn, there is a seasoning WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

To everything, turn turn turn, there is a seasoning WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and I think it's giving off radiation WHAT DO I DO???

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and I think it's giving off radiation WHAT DO I DO???

What can I say? He made me do it!

What can I say? He made me do it!

Hang it all, Houdini!

Hang it all, Houdini!

Well, can’t disagree with THAT now, can we?

and some further remarks I got via DM:

they follow each other. Resurection 2 regeneration/gestation

I read both neg and pos as part of the read. Positive if best happens. Neg if u fuck up! Either possible according 2 ur actions. Open future….

Freedom…reads situation and best and worst outcome…depends on how u handle it,,,,

So hanged man is the persecuted or the Ego B4 tranSformation. And Death is Transmutation or Inertia/Slow Change. Either can happen..

It a Eyes Wide Open Conscious Choice.,free 2 choose….the old free will thing…it says choose w caution…here’s situation and ur CHOICES

And I choose: to take this as an easy blog post! So, I’m ahead on that whole “productivity” thing already!

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Once, Upon a Midnight Cleary

because up here the sun does not set this time of year until about 1:30 am and then only in a sort of curtseying manner, bobbing back up again in an hour or less. So you can actually read a newspaper by the daylight at midnight here in Yellowknife.

Which is why the market for spooky stories is somewhat depressed, locally. We’ll see what happens when the 24 hour darkness sets in, and to judge by some of the Inuit Art, whatever sets in then, it ain’t equanimity.

Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq

Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq

See?

So, the market for ghoulies and ghosties and things that go bump in the night appears to be at a minimum now, yet somehow I still managed to drum up a squeal of morbid joy when I saw that the slow-grinding wheels of film production had, at last, released this:

Edgar Allan Poe-ster

Edgar Allan Poe-ster

for lo, opening night cannot come fast enough for those of us here at Operation Global Media Domination HQ. We are indeed looking forward to watching our old Twitter buddy bring to (unsteady, morbid, doomed) life one of the greatest of American Writers. Ah! If only I had my copy of Closed on Account of Rabies with me, and perhaps a bottle of Amontillado (they don’t sell it at the liquor store, but I bet Chef Pierre could rustle me up some) I could set the mood. For now, these small talismans, the poster and this YouTube of Christopher Walken reading The Raven from that very album will have to do.

Cheerful, isn’t it?

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Servicey Sunday!

Southeast Asian Sea Life: Memorize and BE PREPARED

Southeast Asian Sea Life: Memorize and BE PREPARED

I hope that clears up any confusion about spotting the mimic octopus in the wild. Simply put: you can’t.

If you wonder, on occasion, why this blog is quite so tentactular, think about this; the Mimic Octopus was discovered in 1998 off the coast of Sulawesi. In 1997 I was swimming in the ocean off the coast of Sulawesi and THESE THINGS WERE DOWN THERE, probably looking like other things or like no things at all but they were DOWN THERE THE WHOLE TIME BEING STEALTHY AND WE DIDN’T KNOW IT.

Goddam.

Seriously, this is why I don’t swim anymore. Who needs aliens when we have cephalopods?

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Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Party Time!

and to top it all off...

Ia! Ia! Baby work it! Insanely fabulous!

First things first: who knew the frozen tundra was absofuckingloutely roasting in the summertime? I guess 24 hours of sunlight and no clouds, ever, will do that to you.

The remedy? BOOZE POPS! I’m wondering what kind of rum I can get at the liquor store to mix into these, because the freezer I’ve got can turn a bottle of lukewarm coke into a coke slurpee in about 15 minutes.

Everybody dance now!

via Brosnakes

Yeah, okay. Maybe just that one guy dance, and everybody else watch him. And here I thought hipsters couldn’t move in those skinny pants! The fact that he performs this (and you really have to give it more than 30 seconds) in what looks like the setting for the world’s seediest amateur porn only makes the whole thing more fabulous.

Now that we’ve set the mood, the guests have started to arrive. The occasion, in case you’re wondering: a joint party (no puns, I hate smelly, dull people who mumble nonstop about pizza) for the birthdays of Julian Assange and myself. And look: everyone’s sitting down to dinner.

Happy Birthday, Mister President of Wikileaks

Happy Birthday, Mister President of Wikileaks

Who else was there? Oh, all the top celebrities. And what did they talk about? Each other, of course. And if you click over the jump to the celebrity gossip roundup, you’ll be able to read the whole thing.

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