Attack of the Ukelele Kitteh

It’s almost still Wednesday, so here is a unicorn chaser for you: A sweetly bowtied serenader performing “Nerdy Love Song” and  competing frantically with an adorable kitten for control of a ukelele. If this were any more hipster it would be artisanal, which is to say it would be on Vimeo instead of YouTube.

NERDY LOVE SONG
by DeAnne Smith

C Am F G

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
and I won’t say that I love you or I heart you,
but I will say less than 3, I less than 3 you

Your molecules must be moving really quickly
’cause girl, you’re hot.
Are you igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary?
All I know is, baby, you rock.

if god existed, I’d thank him for you
but I’m rational and i read (a lot of) Sam Harris
you’re beautiful like the font of Garamond
but I wanna see you sans serif.
(take your pants off)

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
I observe your quarks oscillating,
and I’m formulating a g-string theory

I’m an archaeologist and I’m gonna compute your age,
yeah, I’m wanna absolutely date you
you make me feel like a male giraffe
I wanna nudge your rump, make you urinate, and mate you (that’s what they do)

the value of my love for you
cannot be expressed exactly
it’s more irrational than pi
hey “Fuck” is a legitimate word in Scrabble, just FYI

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
you can suck me into the supermassive black hole
at the center of your galaxy (I’m talking vagina)

I may not be the biggest or strongest
but my knowledge of grammar shines
I know how to use the words further and farther correctly
every freaking time

farther indicates physical distance
and further a depth or degree
example: the moon is getting farther from the earth
about 4 centimeters annually (true fact)

example: you just keep getting further into my heart
wait: you just keep getting farther into my heart
no, wait: you just keep getting further into my heart
hang on: you just keep getting farther into my heart

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
if the situation is ambiguous
further and farther can be used interchangably (that’s a rule! I knew that all along)

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
and I won’t say that I love you or I heart you
but I will say, I less than 3 you
(please take off your pants)

Via Mok, the Magic Man in the comments on Gawker

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Tiny chihuahua shows these bubbles who’s boss in slow-motion video (video)

raincoaster:

In case you’re wondering, no, I haven’t died. I’m just working like a slave for my clients and TheCryptosphere.com which you should read REPEATEDLY EVERY GODDAM DAY HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

As proof that I am the same old me, here is an horrific vision of a slavering canid in a blood rage, attacking helpless bubbles. Yes, a Chihuahua puppy and a bubble machine. You’re welcome.

STAY VIGILANT!

 

Originally posted on theBERRY:

[kaltura id=0_jdl7sn96 skin=26166822]

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Indiana Woman Lived In A House For Eight Years Without Ever Having To Pay For It

raincoaster:

Jesus, I’ve been living rent-free for a year and a half, but this woman? THIS WOMAN IS THE MASTER!

Originally posted on Consumerist:

The luxury of not having to pay rent or a mortgage payment every month might seem like some kind of fever dream, obtainable only by those scant few who make the rest of us uncomfortably jealous, but one woman in Indiana managed to pull it off not just for a few months or even a year — but for eight years.

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I’m Not Sure There’s a Workable Path for Professional Online Writers

raincoaster:

I don’t think it’s as bleak as this article makes it seem, but yes, I’ve worked for $15 an article and had editors complain that I got paid that much. Which is one reason I work for myself now.

Originally posted on The Dish:

by Freddie deBoer

So it won’t surprise anybody to learn that I really, really don’t like Buzzfeed.

Sometimes, when I consider the Buzzfeed phenomenon, I think I’m living in some sort of fictional satirical world where Buzzfeed is a symbol of how far media can fall. It’s like living in a Douglas Copeland novel. Buzzfeed’s particular brand of lowest common denominator clickbait, their “14 Giraffes Who Totally Look  Like Steve Buscemi,” their “25 Things Only People from [Insert Geographical Area Here] Understand,” their “Which of Fat Cat’s Minions from Chip’n’Dale’s Rescue Rangers Are You?” quizzes, their corpsefucking glurge, sitting side-by-side with their “branded content” like “12 Most Crunchtastic TV Moments Brought to You by Frito Lay,” subsidizing imperial stenographer Rosie Gray’s smears of Max Blumenthal (an actual journalist),  powered by an aggregation model that comes pretty close to plagiarism even when it doesn’t devolve into the serial copy-and-pasting of Benny Johnson…

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“Artists” stealing from Artists – Sad News at 100 Braid St Studios

raincoaster:

That’s just horrible. Some asshole who can’t make it as an artist broke into a collective studio and helped himself to the art supplies. Also a computer and printer.

Originally posted on 100 Braid St Studios & Gallery:

I am really sad to announce that last Friday night 100 Braid St was broken in to. All of our artists studios were rifled through and the major losses were art supplies although computer equipment & printers were also taken. In some cases the thieves actually picked through things taking only the best paints, spray paints, brushes, and equipment. Clearly soSad Sunflowers at 100 Braid Stmeone who considers themselves an artist feels it’s OK to steal from other artists.

One of our youngest members Fiona Tang, had purchased a set of charcoals as a gift to herself on her recent graduation from Emily Carr–they are now gone. Corrin Howes just finished moving in & setting up her studio recently and all of her new paints, brushes & mediums were stolen. Ingrid Tamboline, one of our jewelry makers had a very difficult to find, made in the Ukraine, bending tool; now she cannot create the jewelry…

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