From JarOfHearts:

JUDAS WAS HIS FRIEND

AND HE BETRAYED HIM

HE

WAS

HIS

FRIEND

Oh dear. This will not end well.

Let’s change the subject, shall we? Howabout something nice and fluffy, like some gossip links? Wouldn’t that be nice? Sure it would:

Backstage with Dali (raincoaster)

Fresh Heiress (Ayyyy)

Who’s the Boss? (ManoloFood)

Don Draper, Math Man (Lolebrity)

The first step is admitting you have a problem, Gwyneth (AgentBedhead)

Jack Sparrow to fly again (BusyBeeBlogger)

Your annual Taylor Swift post-breakup “learning experience” post (CeleBitchy)

Boy takes Backstreet to Rehab (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Christina Hendricks, nudie Juggalo? (CelebritySmack)

Snowman of the damned (CityRag)

Imminent arrival puts crimp in Kate Hudson’s dating game (DailyStab)

Rachel Zoe repurposes (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Justin Bieber is allergic to stunt casting (HaveUHeard)

Too much macho in one photo (INeedMyFix)

Oprah cheeses out (PopBytes)

Yet another legacy model zones out (TheSkinny)

There, all better.

Paris Hilton was in Donnie Darko? I don't remember that part. These remakes have gone too far.

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: Fark

Mind you, if Jake Gyllenhaal is in this one too, I’d totally watch it. Some people wonder why Paris Hilton has a movie career, but think about it: House of Wax on DVD = $7 to watch Paris Hilton die!

And now, yes, your Gossip Links. It’s only three times a week, shut up!

Hipster Potter and the Philosophers, Stoned (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Cravat Edition (Ayyyy)
Ozzy and Slash: pocket queens (Lolebrity)
The Gruesome Twosome are no more (CelebrityBeehive)
Kate Moss is just dicking with Pete Doherty now (AgentBedhead)
Alicia Keys popped! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Pink gets on the horn (CelebDirtyLaundry)
We’ll have no Beyonceing here! (CelebritySmack)
Eva Longoria Parker poses next to a Paula Abdul impersonator (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian’s butt armor needs a blacksmith ASAP (GabbyBabble)
NPH officially world’s coolest dad (HaveUHeard)
Katy Perry is no Julie Newmar (INeedMyFix)
What happens in Vegas stays…on PerezHilton (PerezHilton)
St Britney (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
10 best-dressed authors (Flavorwire)

Hipster Potter and the Order of the Phentex

What’s Phentex you ask? Oh, silly little person. Don’t worry, it’s quite esoteric and you’ve probably never heard of it.

And, yes, more gossip links. I’ve just gotten a huge project off my desk, so no worries, I’m going to have more time for REAL blogging now.

Chairdancing With The Hotties (raincoaster)
Bobby Trendy, Big Mouth (Ayyyy)
Johnny Depp-O-Rama (Lolebrity)
Lindsay Lohan’s badass, coke-seeing escape attempt (CelebrityBeehive)
Heather Graham has swimmer’s ear (AgentBedhead)
David Arquette mistakes Howard Stern for Oprah Winfrey (AmyGrindhouse)
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Suddenly, there’s not a dry seat in the house! (CeleBitchy)
The end days are upon us: even men hate Jennifer Aniston now (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Bad Panda! (DListed)
That’s a whole LOTTA tablecloth, Keira (GoFugYourself)
Taylor Swift is still an angsty teen (HaveUHeard)
Raisin on board! (INeedMyFix)
Perez Hilton, nice guy? (PerezHilton)
Does Britney Spears have a crush on George Stephanopoulos (PoorBritney)
Michael J. Fox goes back to Back to the Future! (SeriouslyOMG)
Adam Sandler makes a lousy lesbian (ASL)

• Britney Spears sex tape
• BRITNEY SPEARS SEX TAPE
• Britney sextape
• Hairy Potter
• Harry Potter nekkid
• naked Daniel Radcliffe
• penis Radcliffe Spears fur
• beaver shots
• fairy [sometimes Cthulhu instead, especially on the high holiday of Squidmas]
• etc, etc.

Very boring, I think you’ll agree. Today I became uncontrollably excited when I realized I’d actually gotten some links to other things:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, fish pedicure! We have, in fact, two fish pedicure posts, Smells Like a Fish and Getting Oral is Good for You, both of which are self-evidently true.

You may now resume your Britney Spears Sex Tape surfing. Fnord.

Harry Potter’s wand

Says the star, on the possibility of his privates being made public via a quickie Flickr: “It will be amazing but I will be terrified!” And no doubt so will some of the more shrinking violets in the audience, from what we hear!

Just how amazing it will be, fans who cannot affort the high price to share his physical presence may never know. His handlers have taken every precaution to prevent leaks, going so far as to equip the theatre with infra-red defenses, like in that capoeria laser dance scene in Ocean’s Twelve, you know the one, to sniff out and, presumably, stun or even vaporize overzealous cellphotogs. Who knows?

Cool.

His personal security has been increased as well, and let me tell you, these people do not mess around.

Image sources: Uli Weber, Hollywood Standups, hat-tip With-Malice

article hat-tip to dissfunktional

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