But seriously, how was YOUR Valentine’s Day?

It was better than this guy’s.

Someone stood up a guy who BRINGS FLOWERS??? Get me that man's number immediately!

Someone stood up a guy who BRINGS FLOWERS??? Get me that man's number immediately!

Honestly, woman, are you INSANE? You find the last man on Earth who actually brings flowers on a date and you stand him up????

Internet, get me this man’s contact details immediately!

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Post-Valentine’s Day Unicorn Chaser

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange; satisfaction guaranteed or your encryption key back!

And how was YOUR Valentine’s Day?

Spokesmodeling: looks like somebody’s found a way to keep Wikileaks flush while fighting court cases around the world! Smart thinking; the marketing of Lay-A-Neckbeard.net is challenging in the extreme, thanks to people’s selfish refusal to be sexually attracted to the physically repulsive. All they need is a little marketing makeover (and diet and exercise, facials, stylists, and grooming tips) and POOF! Instant sex god dating site.

Also related: Penis Puppy! Awww, so cute…and about 30 inches long!

Penis Puppy

Penis Puppy

If you’re not dating, how are you spending your time? If you’re like me, like this:

Tea and hardcovers

Tea and hardcovers

You KNOW you have no secrets on the internet. Oh, PS: You left the webcam on.

Happy? Valentine’s Day

If they wanted us to be truly happy, wouldn’t it be OUR day instead of this Valendude’s? Think about it.

Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean it’s NOT a conspiracy.

The Stormtrooper of Love

The Stormtrooper of Love

Not sure what to get That Special Someone on This Special Day? If he’s anything like this guy, I recommend the newly-released Kalashnikov 5. Yes, that’s right: they released the newest AK-47 just in time for Valentine’s Day. How thoughtful of them.

As for me, well, is there any question what I want? And I didn’t get it for Christmas, either.

They simply flock to him

They simply flock to him

Bunneh Power!

Fuck You I Can Fly

Fuck You I Can Fly

So, yesterday I must have looked particularly Playboyesque than normal, because I got hit on copiously and actually asked out three times. So that was good.

Not so good was getting Social Media Stood-Up today. I called him, as agreed, at five, only to have to remind him who I was, to his apparent consternation. “Oh, RIGHT, sure, yeah.” He said he’d Skype me back in a few, after he’d called the others coming to dinner and worked out a place and time…and one hour later, I was still waiting to hear back.

And five minutes after that I was on the bus to a friend’s house for delicious, home-made Mexican food, of which I’ve just fixed myself a second helping.

The ironic part of the equation is that the guy is in Risk Management, but if he were any good at it, would he have DARED to do this?

I think not. I think not, indeed.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Internet Needs

Maslow's Hierarchy of Internet Needs

But it’s okay. I’ve still got my poetry.

Quiz: Which Royal is For You?

I win!

I win! My royal is prettier than yours!

I got this (sadly unembeddable) quiz from Archie, and it is, let me put this plainly, the fucking shizznit. I mean, how did it know that Carl Philip and I were destined for one another (and who wants to break it to the poor boy?)? I’m looking forward to a royal wedding of my own, very soon. You’re all invited, as long as you’re bringing us something in a bottle for the pressie.