Snow Doge saves Jamaican Bobsled Team

Snow Doge very feels

Snow Doge very feels

I’d better get started on a screenplay, because this is the most perfect straight-to-the-big-screen story I’ve heard in simply ages.

The Dogecoin Foundation, an actual charitable foundation based around a satirical cryptocurrency named after an actual dog meme, yes, really, has come to the rescue of the actual Jamaican Bobsled Team, who are actually going to be in the Olympics again.

IF they can ever get there.

The Jamaican Bobsled Team, who are actually called The Jamaican Bobsleigh Team because, I dunno, it’s cuter? have qualified to compete in the Sochi Winter Olympics that start next month in Russia. They are the team made famous by the John Candy movie Cool Runnings, the fictionalized story of how they made it to their first Olympics, back in 1988.

Money has always been as scarce with the team as snow in Jamaica, but this time it’s the Interwebs to the Rescue!

A Crowdtilt fundraiser has gathered more than $20,000 towards the costs of competition (travel, support for families back home, etc) and now the internet’s favorite Shiba Inu gallops in with a shocking $30,778 raised in just 24 hours.

The name of their fundraising site? Dogesled.

Of course.

Snow Doge says: very funds. So Olympics. Wow.

Snow Doge says: very funds. So Olympics. Wow.

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Dear Jean: You’re a Horrible Person

Abandoned puppy

Abandoned puppy

No doubt about it, Jean [Redacted] is a horrible, horrible person. How do we know that?

Lunachyq told us.

Lunachyq, a pet-centric blogger at WordPress.com, told us all about how Jean abandoned Cocoa, her sweet-natured pet of 12 years, at a kill shelter rather than drive 20 minutes to drop her off at a no-kill shelter. How Jean claimed she was giving her up only because of limited funds and a move to a no-pets apartment.

How Jean left out the bit about the tumors.

Here’s the thing, Jean.  Oh, I didn’t ask if I could call you Jean but I’m going to.  Or I could call you a number of other names, none of which you’d like very much.   When I saw Cocoa’s picture on the animal control website, when I saw that grey muzzle and read the description stating that her people of 12 years, her family, had surrendered her to the pound, it broke my heart.

Jean, I once had a dog that was so ornery she got in trouble for biting a kid on the butt because he’d been tugging her ears.  When the city quarantined my dog for 48 hours, I was fully prepared to leave my home, leave school, leave everything in the dead of night, everything except my dog.  I was going to Thelma and Louise our asses right out of town.  I wasn’t playing.   Because that’s how I roll.  No dog left behind, Jean.

So when I saw that picture of Cocoa, I just couldn’t understand why someone would dump a family member.   And my empathy for that dog consumed me, until I made yet another rash decision and I rushed to the pound to adopt her.

If the Google-Maps-Finds-Stray-Dog-a-Home story has you sniffling, prepare to lose your shit entirely at the rest of the letter. I’m afraid this story doesn’t have a happy ending, but if the Internet gets its way, there won’t be one for Jean either.

Posted Sept. 10, Lunachyq’s letter has already been shared more than 10,000 times to Facebook, has 475 comments, and 165 Likes on WordPress. The Internet may be made of cats, but it’s clear that dogs are also very close to its heart.

Photo via Mario Klingemann/Flickr

GPOY: me interacting with cats

Mucho thanks to Golden Retriever cross Murkin here for taking a bullet for me in demonstrating how cats typically react to me, him, and everyone else who couldn’t give a rat’s ass if all the feline world dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow. Dude, better you than me, but I pity you, I really do.

Ask Michael K over at Dlisted put it (better than I ever could have):

The feral cat’s name is Thomas O’Malley Flufferpants (I can’t with that name). A big-hearted foster family took him in and he almost immediately got sweet for the family’s dog Murkin. To say that Murkin isn’t feeling cuddly for Flufferpants is an understatement. Murkin is the Penelope to Flufferpants’ Pepé Le Pew. Stay with Murkin’s face while watching the clip and you’ll see a priceless gallery of side-eyes, sighs, roll eyes and emotions that range from “THIS bitch again?” to “I should really look into building a water moat around me.” I haven’t seen such an obvious display of MEH for pussy since Richard Gere kissed Jodie Foster in Sommersby.

Poetry. Sheer poetry.

Penis Dog Post

penis dog iz penisy

penis dog iz penisy

Technically, “penile” is the word, but one can’t expect Google to be hip to that. And this post, unsurprisingly, is all about Teh Googlez.

We have previously blogged Penis Puppy.

Penis Puppy will grow into Penis Dog

Penis Puppy will grow into Penis Dog

What can I say? I was teaching at a conference, and they say you should always include pictures of cats to ensure your presentation goes over well. Well, I’m no more a cat person than I am a Chihuahua person, so I said FUCK THAT SHIT and went with Penis Puppy. I think that aught to wipe the floor with any kittens extant. And after the presentation, a participant tweeted me a picture of Penis Dog, so I think my path to Google hegemony is well underway.

Post-Valentine’s Day Unicorn Chaser

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange; satisfaction guaranteed or your encryption key back!

And how was YOUR Valentine’s Day?

Spokesmodeling: looks like somebody’s found a way to keep Wikileaks flush while fighting court cases around the world! Smart thinking; the marketing of Lay-A-Neckbeard.net is challenging in the extreme, thanks to people’s selfish refusal to be sexually attracted to the physically repulsive. All they need is a little marketing makeover (and diet and exercise, facials, stylists, and grooming tips) and POOF! Instant sex god dating site.

Also related: Penis Puppy! Awww, so cute…and about 30 inches long!

Penis Puppy

Penis Puppy

If you’re not dating, how are you spending your time? If you’re like me, like this:

Tea and hardcovers

Tea and hardcovers

You KNOW you have no secrets on the internet. Oh, PS: You left the webcam on.