No Doggie, No Cry

sad pug is sad

Not that I’m entirely sure pugs are dogs. They think they’re fucking lions, just ask them.

Or don’t. Because this is what happens when you do that.

If we could only weaponize them, we could finally have a way to defeat the Chihuahua Army on their own turf!

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GPOY

Steampunk Stainless Steel Cthulhu is my spirit animal

Steampunk Stainless Steel Cthulhu is my spirit animal

Okay, technically this is a GPOYSA, gratuitous photo of your spirit animal. I think finally, after a lengthy search with candidates as impressive (and bizarre) as Sexually Oblivious Rhino, Courage Wolf, Greek Riot Dog, the raven, and a carnival Carousel, we finally have a winner.

Unless…

Yes. Yes. Looking over all 4178 posts and an estimated 1,044,500 words here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, it seems we have a strong rival to the Stainless Steel Squid here: the Oxford Comma.

The Oxford, Comma

The Oxford, Comma

From TheDailyWhat:

Who gives a f*ck about an Oxford comma? Not Oxford University’s branding style guide, which instructs its readers thus:

As a general rule, do not use the serial/Oxford comma: so write ‘a, b and c’ not ‘a, b, and c’.

It should be noted that an exception has been made for sentences where an Oxford comma would “assist in the meaning of the sentence or helps to resolve ambiguity,” such as when “one of the items in the list is already joined by ‘and’.”

So, that clears that right up, then. What, Ever. Any fool can SEE I am in love with this thing. SAVE THE OXFORD, COMMA! I’m a sucker for lost causes.

Help me out here, people.

Riot Dog will see your Caturday and raise you

Hell.

Riot Dog will take a bite out of the IMF

Riot Dog will take a bite out of the IMF

Did you even know that the Greeks have a kind of tradition of riot dogs? How awesome is that? On the other hand, a necessary precondition for a tradition of riot dogs is a tradition of riotry, which is not so awesome when it extends decades in each direction with no end in sight until both sides run out of money for ammunition.

via YourAnonNews and proof that Riot Dog is my spirit animal. He’s as as fluid of iteration as any “official member” of Anonymous, his yellow coat and floppy ears own his V for Vendetta mask and vastly more prevalent among the canine population than masks of any sort, really, which would look sort of silly; ubiquity confers effective immortality; you’ve gotta admit, that’s pretty intelligent for someone who isn’t even a border collie. Now all you cat people? Can just curl into a fetal ball and wait for someone to open a can for you, like always. Play them off, Keyboard Cat.

Scientific Labs

Another in our ongoing series of servicey Public Service (and Slightly Redundant) Announcements: How to tell what kind of a lab it is by looking just at the outside.

Yellow Lab, Black Lab, Chocolate Lab, Meth Lab

Yellow Lab, Black Lab, Chocolate Lab, Meth Lab. Like the Seven Dwarfs, but crackier.

You’re welcome.

Related: the most destructive breeds of dog, in order of destructiviciousness in insurance claim money. I would like to draw your particular attention to #2, of which we have spoken before.

1. Great Dane £700

2. Chihuahua £638

3. Mastiff £586

4. Basset Hound £564

5. Whippet £519

6. English Setter £485

7. Bulldog £446

8. Dachshund £445

9. Boxer £404

10. Beagle £400

11. Greyhound £393

12. Dalmatian £388

13. Doberman Pinscher £380

14. Rottweiler £200

15. Border Collie £179

16. Labrador £172

17. Rhodesian Ridgeback £170

18. Newfoundland £163

19. Jack Russell £161

20. Golden Retriever £149

Once again, the Meth Lab:

Meth Lab Puppy dares you to make a fuss!

Meth Lab Puppy dares you to make a fuss!

Emo vs Emo: animal wars

This post will not include cats. Everyone knows cats aren’t emo.

Icelandic Ponies are emo. You would be too, if an outbreak of horse herpes had sent a flock of Utah Beauty Queens off their regular mounts and onto you. You would also, presumably, be rather tired, if very relaxed.

Emo pony doesn't care about your sugar. Life IS lumps, sweetie.

Emo pony doesn't care about your sugar. Life IS lumps, sweetie.

Look, they’ve even got the hair:

Sable Island Pony is emo, too. With better hair

Sable Island Pony is emo, too. With better hair

And Poodles, also are emo. Chihuahuas are not emo: they’re just evil.

Emo Poodle is Self Actualized

Emo Poodle is Self Actualized

It is potentially possible that things that start with a P are all emo. Of course, starting off with a Pee always makes me less moody and irritable…