The Week in Perspective

Dame Judi

Dame Judi will have none of your bullshit

Yes, it’s only Tuesday but my week tends to run from Friday to Tuesday, at least as far as DramaSec is concerned, so it’s time for a little perspective. Apparently some rando on Reddit was calling me out the other day for…commenting on Gawker. Well, guilty as charged, I do that a lot. I found out because of…a comment on Gawker.

Now, just today I was on the radio talking about money laundering and Bitcoin and the BitInstant arrests and said something like, “I’m no expert, I’ve just seen a lot of money laundering trials….gee, that sounds sort of nefarious, doesn’t it?” And indeed it did (But I have!).

As does what I said about those randos on Reddit. To wit:

Ah, so they were talking about me, were they? That doesn’t bother me. As I remarked to Magister, The Jester wants my head on a platter, the Syrian Electronic Army has been trying to hack into my accounts for months, and there’s still an #OpRaincoaster kicking around sub-groups of Anonymous. What do I care what a bunch of randos on Reddit say?

Speaking of randos, some Jester fangirls didn’t get the memo and slept in till today. Then they apparently misread the memo entirely:

To which one could only reply (as one did) with the truth.

I imagine there is yet more consternation in Jesterville tonight over that fact. The crow? Does it burn going down?

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Monday #DramaSec

This came more or less out of nowhere in a Valleywag post about a sexist presentation at TechCrunch. I know plenty of dirty-minded hackers, but I don’t know any who are stupid enough to make a presentation like Titstare in front of actual investors: that’s the province of entitled Brogrammers who’ve been funded more or less since birth and think they’re god’s gift to marketing. But anyway, occasionally a groupie comes in and claims band cred and that appears to be what happened here.

2 participants

PetticoatDespotSam Biddle

24

Wow. This is creepy even for a hackathon.

Since the guys seem to want to have gender-segregated hackathons by acting like sexist dicks, we’re just going to have to have more hackathons for ladies. At this point, I get weirded out going to most programming meetups without a male escort. Sunday 5:43pm

raincoasterPetticoatDespot

5

I know a lot of hackers. They might snicker at this, but they’d never in a million years get up on stage and do that. These are the actions of coddled “you’re soooo brilliant” capitalist developers, not hackers.

Hackers would be too busy pulling the nudes off your phone. Yesterday 6:02am

PetticoatDespotraincoaster

1

Sigh.

White hat? Grey hat? Black hat? Security hacker? Internet hacker? Gadget hacker? Code hacker? Life hacker?

You might know some hackers but you don’t seem to know what the word hacker means and the wide variety of people that the term includes. But please, mansplain to me again about hackers since I tend to date them.

Part of the problem is age-specific and part of it is sometimes cultural. If you think that hackers wouldn’t do this, you have not paid any attention at all to the sexual harassment at DevCon, including sexist presentations treating women as objects. Now shoo. Yesterday 11:28pm

raincoasterPetticoatDespot

Honey, I don’t fuck them, but I do write about them for a living. No matter what colour of hat, I know maybe five male hackers who wouldn’t have snickered at this.

If you think I’m going to “mansplain” anything to you, you’re a bigger sexist than these guys onstage. Today 1:35am

PetticoatDespotraincoaster

1

Ah, so you write about the white hat social justice activist segment of Anonymous and extrapolate from that, their values and thus the values of the set of all hackers, even black hats.

I know the people who write some of the tools that they use, who lecture to them about security, and who fund some of their work projects. And no, I haven’t fucked any of those but thanks for your implication that I’m a hacker groupie because I called you on your bullshit while stating that I date hackers. I’ve been dating hackers of various varieties for over 20 years, but I do only date white hats because I value ethics. I date the kind of hacker that you write about, as well as others who share their values even if they do not do computer security work. I date hackers because I appreciate smart ethical men with opinions and there tends to be a lot of crossover.

As I mentioned, there are multiple types of hackers. I am a white hat code hacker. I also reverse engineer business rules. It’s a thing. I do penetration testing and security fixes for websites. I have been a professional programmer for 15 years and I’ve taught programming. I go to hackathons and run meetups about coding. I socialize with hackers: white and grey, security and otherwise. I am currently working on opening a feminist hackerspace with other lady hackers.

You still don’t realize that you don’t know what the term hacker means. At best, you interview hackers who want to issue a press release. At best, any information that I give about my contacts is name-dropping.

And while you’re writing about what a white hat social activist Anonymous hacker fed you which you then extrapolate to the set of all hackers, the actual topic of sexism in hacking, which I mentioned above?

http://pandodaily.com/2013/08/31/hac…

It’s funny, Ms I Know Hackers, you didn’t even correct DevCon to DefCon, which was a typo but a very significant one. DefCon, “the” hacker conference has had sexist content as part of its official programming as recent as this year. That’s that I was referencing and what you contradicted.

If you don’t know about the sexism at hacker conferences, and will contradict women when they point it out, you shouldn’t be paid to write about hackers. Today 2:13am

PetticoatDespotraincoaster

Note to mods: she exposed her name and employer previously in this thread. She is the one who volunteered that information, thus this is not doxxing in any way. This is merely a screenshot of the publicly available LinkedIn profile that links her name with the employer that she linked to.

WordPress is not a company for which one can work; it is a product made by a company of another name. I can check with my contacts there to verify your employment status, if you like.

I couldn’t find any articles by you on a Gawker site that pays for content, which is what would make them your employer. In fact, paid Gawker writers have a handle that reflects the writer’s legal name, which yours does not, most likely for legal reasons. Commenting on Gawker sites doesn’t make you an employee, so perhaps you can link to an article that Gawker Media paid you to write?

33 minutes ago

raincoasterPetticoatDespot

“This is not doxxing in any way.”

You are adorable!

Pretty much everyone who works for Gawker, and certainly everyone who works for Valleywag, knows who I am. Valleywag’s former editor Owen Thomas gave me my break into tech journalism.

Also, you don’t know how to read a LinkedIn profile if you didn’t click through and see that it said “Volunteer Tester” on both the Gawker and WordPress entries. When doxing, thoroughness is so important!

If you want to know who I am, ask some of those men you date. 13 minutes ago

This could get amusing. It could get amusing FAST.

Lloyd and Matt from WordPress

DramaSec: The Power Ballads (now with 20% more awesomeness!)

Fabulous llama iz fabulous!

Fabulous llama iz fabulous!

You know what they say: politics is showbusiness for ugly people.

Ladies and gentlemen of #DramaSec, fans of flamewars, internet drama divas, and audience members: we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are proud to present the first-ever roundup of #DramaSec power ballads. If Music is the universal language (although Money is making a strong showing lately) then let the universe ring with the sound of our over-the-top and senseless interpersonal drama, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing.

Cue The Ballad of Brett Kimberlin:

And now The Adrian Lamo Blues. Not so much a power ballad as political hipster neo-folk, but who can resist a banjo, eh?:

The next one is hard. It’s almost impossible to determine which of these is more awesome, but for very different reasons. And I’m too lazy to look up how to code a table in HTML so they go side by side, so here it is in order of jaw-droppingness, from the lesser to the greater.

The RonBryn Song. You remember Ron, right?

And now, the musical apotheosis of the internet phenomenon known as #DramaSec. If you’re an impatient type, start it at 3:31. If you enjoy insidery jokes about countries to which you’ve never been, watch the whole thing. And do not doubt me when i say this is the apotheosis of awesomenosity. Words, my friends: They will fail you as they failed me.

Julian Assange performing an 80′s power ballad with updated WikiLeaks lyrics while wearing a righteous mullet:

Selah.

It is the East, and Julian is the sun...

It is the East, and Julian is the sun…

UPDATED TO ADD:

Plus bonus lyrics to The RonBryn song, courtesy of Elvira:

Open your web browser

Pretend you’re Neal Rauhauser

That’s one way to meet Ronbryn

He is a one man PRISM

Calls tweeting journalism (He does)

Though its just a lot of jizzim, Ronbryn

If your Mercedes is explodin’

You can’t find Edward Snowden

Who ya gonna call?

Ronbryn.

Barrett Brown, Julian, Patterico, Kimberlin

Troll ‘em all, fuck ‘em up

Ronbryn

You’re a sock

What a crock

Call the doc

What the fuck

SWAT ‘em all

Troll ‘em all

Ronbryn……!

Brett Kimberlin is plottin’

Another case of SWATing

Who’s he gonna call?

Ronbryn

He’ll tweet your misdemeanor

You’ll look like Tony Weiner

Tryin’ to humor Huma Abedin

Smearing smearing smearing

All the way to Barrett’s hearing

Ever thought of disappearing, Ronbryn?

Operation Global Media Domination: the mash note situation

To raincoaster love Julian

To raincoaster love Julian. Awww, isn’t that sweet?

NOTE TO NEW READERS: it’s not always this insidery. Just usually this insidery.

Well, I had been working on an epic Storify of the even-more-overcaffeinated-than-usual drama over Thursday and Friday, including multiple Ron sightings (hi Ron!) and relentless attempts to get my Twitter, Tumblr, WordPress, Facebook, and LinkedIn accounts suspended (all unsuccessful), but Storify’s Twitter search succumbed to the heated atmosphere and fainted, rendering me unable to do more than say “and then he said this, and I was all like bitch please and then … ” etc, etc, etc although it must be said that Storify themselves were very nice about it, particularly as I’ve bitched at them before for offering a WordPress.com embed code that does not embed anything readable in your WordPress.com blog; still, they mean well and if they can get that Twitter search to stop collapsing and asking me to sign in with Twitter instead of my Storify account, it’ll all be hunky-dory.

And yes, I believe that was all one sentence, why do you ask?

Still, drama has its uses. Always good for the Follower count if you have the right enemies, as I seem to. Here’s a tiny slice of just one of the four dramas that went on over that period.

Apparently if you tweet to his family and ask the entirely logical question “WTF?” he stops. Useful.

So both the computer and the iPhone have started overheating, to the point where it hurts to handle them. Gonzo gave me a great suggestion: A Belkin laptop desk/fan/thingy which costs about $20, which is easily ordered from Amazon possibly even using my own affiliate ID. Beats balancing it on a block of frozen soup stock as I am doing now.

The iPhone is a trickier brick altogether; it’s no longer emitting or detecting sounds on its own. With the headphones plugged in, I can listen to things. When I plug it in to charge I cannot have it connected to the cord first, prior to plugging the plug into the wall, or it will not charge. If I plug the plug into the wall and then connect the iPhone, it will charge.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to have something which simply worked? I wonder what that’s like. Wait. No. I take that back. My notebook works just fine, it’s just a bitch to upload is all. You have to spindle the pages really teeny.

But as you can see, Julian is keeping his spirits up and maybe someday he’ll be in a nice enough mood to just mail me one of those compromised phones or laptops he’s forced to discard (do you need the PO Box? Lemme know).

UPDATE:

OH, so much drama that I forgot to add my ACTUAL celeb encounter; Tommy James, yes THE Tommy James of “and the Shondells” Favorited a tweet of mine when I complained the cats were not sophisticated enough to enjoy Crimson and Clover. As indeed they are not, being both well below teenage.

And Ruth Buzzi Followed me.

And no, Julian Assange did not really write me that postcard. But I’m quite pleased so many people think he did. Going to go around with a swelled head all day.