For the Record: Assange, Asylum, and Assumptions

Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain't one

Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one

Just because I’m going on the road tomorrow and will be away from my computer and THE WAY THIS WEEK IS GOING I EXPECT ALL THE AWESOME ASSANGE/ANONYMOUS/HACKER STORIES TO BREAK WHILE I’M OFFLINE, I’m putting this here so I can be smug later.

Not that I’m not smug by default. But, you know, more. In writing.

It is perfectly clear to anyone with their head screwed on straight that Julian Assange is going to be granted asylum by Ecuador.

On August 12, after 613 days of Assange’s detention (53 of which have been spent at the Ecuadorian embassy in London), WikiLeaks tweeted that an announcement by president Rafael Correa was imminent. Leaving nothing to chance, it used Twitlonger to offer instructions to supporters in case a) the request for asylum was granted or b) things got complicated.

As seems inevitable in every WikiLeaks story, things got complicated….

  • Ecuador announced that, gee, there sure was a lot of material to go over and it would be Wednesday at least before any announcement would be made.
  • Then, unnamed Ecuadorian officials in Quito today would told the Guardian that Assange would certainly be granted asylum, done deal, all over but the fat lady singing.
  • Then, President Correa, apparently not one to take leakers on his own staff lying down, subsequently took to Twitter to specifically deny the rumor, while shedding no light on his possible decision.

It has been perfectly obvious since the moment we all heard he’d materialized within the embassy (somehow…without being seen) that he would get asylum. Julian Assange is not a guy who throws himself on the mercy of random governments without making sure he’ll have a soft landing.

He hasn’t been seen since. He hasn’t even done a Skype video interview, and again, mark my words: if Julian Assange can’t handle some simple call forwarding magic then I’m Hillary Fucking Clinton. Knowmasayin’?

He hasn’t been seen in public, in fact, since May 24, when he appeared wearing a black “Emergency” Anonymous mask created by WikiLeaks Truck artist Clark Stoekley. And before that, other than one RT interview, not for another whole month or so. He said he missed his final extradition appeal ruling because he was, “Stuck in traffic.” Hell, I’ve used that one myself.

Julian Assange is, if he wasn’t before, officially a man of mystery.

But there’s no mystery about his fate. He’s allegedly been holed up in that embassy for something like 55 days, the Ecuadorian decision having been deferred till after the Olympics closed, no doubt at the request of the UK, who didn’t want to be upstaged, what with organizing all the athletes and the Spice Girls and everything.

The entire span of time has been nothing more than an elaborate stall, to allow Ecuador and the UK to work out some plausible way he could end up out of the UK’s hands (“not my chair, not my problem,” says Cups Lizard) and in Ecuador. Technically, there’s the issue of getting the body out of the embassy and across UK territory to either a boat outside the legal territory of the UK or, conceivably, an aircraft or space ship outside of UK airspace.

Barring the timely arrival of the TARDIS, it seems impossible, unless Assange is equipped with the forepaws of an enormous groundhog (and where do you get those out of season? I ask you) for tunnelling under the Atlantic ocean.

Mark my words, Julian Assange will be granted asylum, you won’t hear how he gets out of the embassy (unless they can pull something plausible out their asses at the last minute), and he will materialize in Quito, probably by Thursday.

Almost certainly while I’m away from the computer, not that I’m overpersonalizing things.

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The Most Important Person in the World

Nothing to see here. Problem, Officer?

Nobody. Nothing to see here. Problem, Officer?

I’ve been missing a lot of important stuff lately, including this message.

From nobody.

So I thought I’d share. Maybe someone out there who doesn’t exist yet will read it and start to.

Anonymously.

So, here we are, at the end of TeaMp0isoN.

I just wanted to say few words before I leave, you can consider them to be motivational or

just bullshit, honestly I dont care.

So, few years ago we started this cause, fighting for freedom, activism, hacktivism etc…

We raised alarm in the government, they have seen that we can win this war, that we can take our

own freedom back, our own lives back.

They started fighting back, but we have choose to not give up, to not bow in front of them

and let them take our souls and imprison them.

But im glad to see US all united, painters, musicians, teachers, wives, kids, doctors, lawyers,

im glad that all those people are now united, and they act as one.

War in Egypt, Syria, Palestine, Libya etc…

People, realise thats just start, thats not even a glimpse of whats coming,

Im not gonna talk about illuminati, about satan, about faith or religion,

Im just going to tell you that you should check your own town and see how many poor people is there.

How many people were fucked by government, how many people were fucked by banks,

how many homeless people are dyeing in the streets during winter, how many poor people are dyeing from hunger.

Im not gonna tell you that hacking or hacktivism is not illegal, and not dangerous,

im not gonna tell you I enjoyed it.

I wake up 20 times during night because im paranoid, I dont want to end in jail…

You can call me a coward, you can call me whatever you want,

but I, I was here for years, I did fight for people, I did fight for freedom,

but now time has come that I feel im not good for it anymore,

this has drained so much life out of me, and I feel I didnt get enough people to hear

what I fight for, what WE fight for.

Im just begging you one thing, not just hackers, but everyone, even politicians.

Do not be ignorant towards US who are fighting for our freedom,

dont judge us for what we do, we are not terrorists,

we are just normal humans, who are fighting for better cause, fighting for people,

fighting for better future for our kids.

Do not fight each other, there is no sense in that, you are just runing each others

lives, if you hate someone who is fighting same cause as you, dont attack him,

dont troll him, dont prank him, dont ruin his life over little things.

Think bigger, think about future, because today you are a kid, but tomorow you will

have your own kids, and then you will realise how much you could do to help them

live better, to help them not be afraid of their own government.

Dont do work on this cause because of fame, work on because its right.

I ve lost so much in this fight, like every soldier on this battlefield.

So many friends got arrested, TriCk, MLT, Phantom.

I call them heroes, I call them freedom fighters.

I know that they and I will be forgotten in few months,

but I hope this msg will remain on the internet,

and that you the people will share it amongst urselves.

So now, im telling you goodbye.

Thanks for all those supporting us, and helping us fight this war.

Thanks for all those that respected us, and didnt leave us when things went bad.

Thank you alot.

#FreeTriCk

#FreeMLT

#FreePhantom

#FreeUsAll

#Freedom

So this is the end of TeaMp0isoN, we arent coming back anymore,

whoever tells you he is TeaMp0isoN or starts using our name,

do not believe him, because this is the end of us.

root@TeaMp0isoN:$ shutdown -n

Selah.

TwitPic of the Day: Enter the Dragon

Er, so to speak, you understand. So to speak.

BoJo: Enter the Dragon

BoJo: Enter the Dragon

via Azahar

Now that’s a physical specimen to put the fear of god into Ryan Reynolds, eh? How majestic, how magnificent. How much energy went into getting this body in motion? The mind: it boggleth.

Never change, Boris. Never change.

Unboxing FruzsE

FruzsE at Roflcon

FruzsE at Roflcon

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.

That somebody is my co-worker (for the second time: the first was at the long-lost and oft-lamented True/Slant. We’re both chicks, so when it got sold to Forbes they let us go, but HEY NO HARD FEELINGS. The layoff notice addressed to “Dear Contributor” was a classy touch, I thought) Fruzsina Eördögh, and she is reporting from deep in the heart of ROFLcon for the DailyDot, along with a full third of the masthead.

I’m not. But it’s fine.

This is what conference journalism looks like from the trenches. If you’ve ever read Hunter S. Thompson I know these scenes will not frighten you, but they will shock you with just how far things have gone since HST was conference-going himself. You. Have. Been. Warned.

And here I am stuck at home. No open bar. No ROFLs. Not even a deflated Whoopie Cushion.

But it’s fine. It’s okay. I’ve still got my poetry.

IAMBIC Pentameter REPRESENT!

IAMBIC Pentameter REPRESENT!