If they wanted us to be truly happy, wouldn’t it be OUR day instead of this Valendude’s? Think about it.
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean it’s NOT a conspiracy.
The Stormtrooper of Love
Not sure what to get That Special Someone on This Special Day? If he’s anything like this guy, I recommend the newly-released Kalashnikov 5. Yes, that’s right: they released the newest AK-47 just in time for Valentine’s Day. How thoughtful of them.
As for me, well, is there any question what I want? And I didn’t get it for Christmas, either.
One of the most heartwormy traditions of the holiday season is that of gathering the family ’round for some seasonal entertainment.
We at the ol’ raincoaster blog have our favorites for this time of year: A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Ref, and that greatest of holiday movies, In Bruges.
How is this menorah different from all other menorahs?
Okay, people, it’s NOT JUST ME and my dirty mind that sees something odd about this menorah.
Is it?
Because sure, it looks like a nice, gay-friendly, low-profile, modern menorah.
But it also looks a hell of a lot like a string of anal beads.
Remove candles before use.
PS thanks to, uh, Kate Spade New York for the link? I really, really don’t think they saw the same thing I did here. Kate Spade has impeccable taste. Uh. Tastes.
It has come to our attention here at Operation Global Media Domination’s Mountain Lair that not everyone around the world celebrates Christmas the way we here in the People’s Republic of Canuckistan do. In Belgium they prepare their children for abduction by the loathesome Black Peter, while in Spain there’s something about six or eight black men…I didn’t really follow that part…and in Australia, of course, where it’s the height of summer, they spend the solstice season celebrating the birth of Archie.
This is how we celebrate the season in my country:
HOCKEY!
BITCHING ABOUT WORK!
Union Lightbulbs
OCCUPYING!
Occupy Christmas
PRETENDING INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SINGING OUT LOUD!
DRINKING!
Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas
What else is there when you can’t afford to shop? Oh, right, work for awesome clients who pay in cases of wine instead of cash! This is my favorite way to get my Christmas shopping done, actually.
Christmas is coming and Hanukah is here already, so here’s an equal-time hump day Unicorn Chaser to freshen up the longest week of the year on the longest night. Light it up with this innovative, nerd-resonant solution to your seasonal decorating challenges: the Katamari Damancy Christmas … Thing.
The thing about these tinfoil trees was you were supposed to buy one of those rotating multicoloured spotlights so it wasn’t actually prettily silver or colourless; it would throb alternately in red, blue, yellow, and green, like a pagan discotheque on Mars. If you tried to use one of these things nowadays, you’d probably scramble cellphone signals for a square kilometer around. Comedy gold.
But let’s not see it as Two Solitudes; let’s see it as partners.
Hanukah and Christmas kittehs
Oh don’t they just look SO pleased to be celebrating the season together? You can’t see Druid Kitteh, as he was up in a tree at the time this photo was taken.
and, last but not least, in fact foremost in Unicorn Chaserianism, is this video of puppies playing under the tree. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…
, and that greatest of holiday movies, 
.
