Category Archives: horror

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Dead Cottingley Fairy discovered

mummified cottingley fairy is mummified, akshuly

mummified cottingley fairy is mummified, akshuly

This time not in Devonshire; this time, it’s a Yorkshire fairy, eeeeh bee goom.

Well, strike me mum! Here’s yet more proof (if any were in fact required, and we are ALL ABOUT PROOF around these parts, as you know) that dead fairies are real. Or. Well. WERE real and are now post-real and in fact mummified, if not petrified, and who knew they had stagefright in the first place, eh?

Answer me that!

Yes, today via Propnomicon comes word that back in the dark days of January another former fairy has come to light from the collection of a prominent also-formerly-alive American archaeologist. Here is the update, via the El Dodo Albino news organization:

Octavius Zedock was a prominent cryptozoologist belonging to the Theosophical Society in New York who dedicated his life to the study of creatures whose existence has been denied by science for years.
His research was extensive and in his lifetime collected a large number of specimens not officially classified, and that for years have been kept by the Company. Today, the silence was broken and the specimens come to light for the first time … is time to learn, it’s time to discover the truth behind the myths.
The specimen collected in the city of Cottingley , England in the 20′s, shows the reality of the existence of fairies. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was right, there was something magical in the forests of that place…

There is more, but I can’t read Spanish anymore than I can read Elvish (somewhat less, thanks to a miss-spent youth, actually) so you’ll have to Babelfish it yourselves.

The emergence of this long-lost mummy raises interesting questions about the cultural heritage of the UK, particularly in the age of the EU. Can the country prevent its fairies from slipping away to foreign shores in the company of shifty Yanks in khakis? Only time, at about ₤300 an hour, can tell.

This forms the latest in our ongoing scientific investigation of the very real, and very hushed-up, phenomenon of dead fairies. If you have or are a dead fairy, or even a live one, you are encouraged to contact the editor of this blog via the comments section here or on the original Mummified Fairy post, where you will have lots of company. About 2200 iterations of company, in fact.

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Enjoying First Nations/Aboriginal Summer

Car Free Day Vancouver

Car Free Day Vancouver

I understand Summer has come late to the Southlands, and that they are currently reveling in hour after hour of sunlight, near-perfect temperatures and cool, meadow-scented breezes. When this rare occurrence … um … occurs, there’s only one thing to do: ditch the vehicle and spend as much time as possible en plein air, as enthusiastically demonstrated by the hero of our little video here:

Tragically, he is stopped in his tracks by an architectural befuddlement so befuddling it has foiled such capable combatants as the Police and the Daleks! That’ll teach him to play in the shade when the sun is out!

Daleks rule the world but only on the ground level

Daleks rule the world but only on the ground level

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Once, Upon a Midnight Cleary

because up here the sun does not set this time of year until about 1:30 am and then only in a sort of curtseying manner, bobbing back up again in an hour or less. So you can actually read a newspaper by the daylight at midnight here in Yellowknife.

Which is why the market for spooky stories is somewhat depressed, locally. We’ll see what happens when the 24 hour darkness sets in, and to judge by some of the Inuit Art, whatever sets in then, it ain’t equanimity.

Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq

Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq

See?

So, the market for ghoulies and ghosties and things that go bump in the night appears to be at a minimum now, yet somehow I still managed to drum up a squeal of morbid joy when I saw that the slow-grinding wheels of film production had, at last, released this:

Edgar Allan Poe-ster

Edgar Allan Poe-ster

for lo, opening night cannot come fast enough for those of us here at Operation Global Media Domination HQ. We are indeed looking forward to watching our old Twitter buddy bring to (unsteady, morbid, doomed) life one of the greatest of American Writers. Ah! If only I had my copy of Closed on Account of Rabies with me, and perhaps a bottle of Amontillado (they don’t sell it at the liquor store, but I bet Chef Pierre could rustle me up some) I could set the mood. For now, these small talismans, the poster and this YouTube of Christopher Walken reading The Raven from that very album will have to do.

Cheerful, isn’t it?

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Rapture Readiness: a Public Service Announcement

In Case of Raptor

In Case of Raptor

We all know the Rapture is coming. And we pretty much all know we, ourselves, are not going to be beamed straight to Heaven by Saint Scotty’s magical transporter, so it behooves those of us who will be Left Behind (shades of grade school!) to prepare as best we might for life in a post-apocalyptic, zombie paradise.

But just in case it doesn’t happen, I’m doing what a Facebook friend suggested, and leaving empty shoes filled with glitter outside all the gay bars I can find, just to confuse the Christians.

In case of Rip Taylor

In case of Rip Taylor

Here’s a very servicey video from our friend FrontierFormerEditor on practical ways to prepare for the looting which will inevitably ensue. Get your shopping carts in good working order now, people!

and if that doesn’t cover all your bases, here is a small roundup of Top Rapture Tweets. Yes, I expect this to trend BIG over the next two days. Apologies I can’t grab the Tweetshots, but Tweetshots appears to have been Raptured already.

  • From ApocalypseHow: Hmm, the world ends the same week as Oprah’s show does? “EVERYBODY gets a CAR! Or thrown into the LAKE OF FIRE!”
  • Bug Girl: A friend suggested we leave empty shoes filled with glitter outside gay bars on Rapture day. I can totes see you doing that :)
  • Sean Percival: How about an inbox rapture instead? Just leave behind the naughty ones like my Agent Provocateur newsletters.
In case of rupture

In case of rupture

And here are zombie invasion survival tips from the Center for Disease Control. Boy, the government looks after everything, don’t they?

The rise of zombies in pop culture has given credence to the idea that a zombie apocalypse could happen. In such a scenario zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”

Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!

So what do you need to do before zombies…or hurricanes or pandemics for example, actually happen? First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored). Below are a few items you should include in your kit, for a full list visit the CDC Emergency page.

  • Water (1 gallon per person per day)
  • Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
  • Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
  • Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
  • Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
  • Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
  • Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
  • First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

That is what I call Taking Care of Your People! Remember, it’s time to get that granny cart and the acetylene torch all tuned up. Only 48 Earthly hours left!

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Bar fight in R’lyeh!

bar fight in R'lyeh!

bar fight in R'lyeh! art by Frederic Clavere

Normally, Cthulhu and his family are charming hosts, but sometimes Junior gets into the nước mắm and the next thing you know the tentacles are flying! It’s hard enough making small talk when only half the guests are amphibious.

Cthulhu visits the Victorians en route to His voracious victory!

Cthulhu visits the Victorians en route to His voracious victory!

“How about them uppity natives, eh? Oh, I hear ya! I totally feel your pain, dude.”

The guest list included only the highest social stratum. Here’s this year’s hot couple posing happily just moments before the melee broke out.

The Whaleses

The Whaleses

I always thought he could do better, myself. I tried introducing him to some of those delightful Marsh women and their cousin, that Munn woman, but it was a no-go. And why? The girl is clearly talented.

Olivia Munn be desperate

Olivia Munn be desperate

and desperate. But then, many of us remember the last big family party, when she and her cousin Ralsa broke up the dance floor back in ’08.

Click over the jump for a roundup of the other Cthelebrity guests. Get your partying in now, people. Remember, the Crapture is coming!

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