Your New Favorite Christmas Carol

If you’re as foul-mouthed and as Christmas-spirited as I, you will need to make room in your (three sizes too small?) heart for this tune from British babe band Fascinating Aida. If I get the time and the stupid Gay Macintosh wheel ever stops spinning on this eight year old machine, I’ll write out the lyrics, but I’m pretty sure you can make them out yourself.

PedoBear and LiLo: Together Again at Last!

Pedobear

Pedobear

So, can someone tell me what PedoBear is doing in Lindsay Lohan’s new game for kids?

Here’s thirty seconds of horror or, seen from another angle, thirty seconds of complete self-fulfillment

Which is why I’m not a relativist.

Supervenus is an entry in the 17th Brussels Short Film Festival, and I don’t know how it did but as far as I’m concerned it should Win All The Things.

Attack of the Ukelele Kitteh

It’s almost still Wednesday, so here is a unicorn chaser for you: A sweetly bowtied serenader performing “Nerdy Love Song” and  competing frantically with an adorable kitten for control of a ukelele. If this were any more hipster it would be artisanal, which is to say it would be on Vimeo instead of YouTube.

NERDY LOVE SONG
by DeAnne Smith

C Am F G

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
and I won’t say that I love you or I heart you,
but I will say less than 3, I less than 3 you

Your molecules must be moving really quickly
’cause girl, you’re hot.
Are you igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary?
All I know is, baby, you rock.

if god existed, I’d thank him for you
but I’m rational and i read (a lot of) Sam Harris
you’re beautiful like the font of Garamond
but I wanna see you sans serif.
(take your pants off)

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
I observe your quarks oscillating,
and I’m formulating a g-string theory

I’m an archaeologist and I’m gonna compute your age,
yeah, I’m wanna absolutely date you
you make me feel like a male giraffe
I wanna nudge your rump, make you urinate, and mate you (that’s what they do)

the value of my love for you
cannot be expressed exactly
it’s more irrational than pi
hey “Fuck” is a legitimate word in Scrabble, just FYI

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
you can suck me into the supermassive black hole
at the center of your galaxy (I’m talking vagina)

I may not be the biggest or strongest
but my knowledge of grammar shines
I know how to use the words further and farther correctly
every freaking time

farther indicates physical distance
and further a depth or degree
example: the moon is getting farther from the earth
about 4 centimeters annually (true fact)

example: you just keep getting further into my heart
wait: you just keep getting farther into my heart
no, wait: you just keep getting further into my heart
hang on: you just keep getting farther into my heart

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
if the situation is ambiguous
further and farther can be used interchangably (that’s a rule! I knew that all along)

I wanna be your abacus baby
you can count on me
and I won’t say that I love you or I heart you
but I will say, I less than 3 you
(please take off your pants)

Via Mok, the Magic Man in the comments on Gawker

Thoughts. Of a Genius???

It’s funny, but the days volunteering in the forum is awful have something in common with the days when working in the forum is hilarious. That thing? The presence of complete morons.

EG the following conversation, tagged (with apparent sincerity) “Thoughts of a genius.”

 

A conversation with Jesus

  1. mcgeniusthepoet
    Member
    Jul 31, 2014, 4:09 AM

    Oh, How I wish to forgive and just forgive
    So I be at peace, in relief
    To target an area in heart of hopelessness
    With a hand that digs out in me forgiveness
    So I myself as well be granted happiness
    Finding it hard due to some carelessness

    I had a conversation with Jesus one night
    Who he himself whispered good news in my ears
    Brought about solutions to let disappear my fears
    He indulged me in tunes by singing lyrical vibes of Mathew 6 verse 14
    I danced to the rhythm yet never thought of stopping nor pausing
    He told me forgiveness is an act of intention
    An alarm or signal towards the perception of reality
    Without a gun on my head but it being voluntarily

    This is a tale of a line between the perpetrator and the victimized
    Where the victimized abandons the negativity of emotions
    Rehabilitating the perpetrator purposefully forgetting sadism
    Ultimately seeing light in the tunnel of possible reconciliation
    Withdrawing from the strings of hatred that has us by our tongues and fingertips
    Withdrawing from future plans of vengeance

    With his voice of tough love, firm but loving, told me
    Forgiveness is a lifting of a burden suppressing the life within
    And yet a contradiction between forgiving and forgetting
    For memory and heart is photographic
    For the heart is sacred than the mind controversial as it should be
    For with peace seeking through introspection and
    Forgiving no eye shall be prohibited to see

    I may not be looking forward to calling you a friend
    Or invite you for lunch or a sip of coffee
    I may not be looking forward to welcoming you inside my home
    Or inside my heart for that matter
    But I’m definitely looking forward to letting my heart be at peace
    He made me realise that we should forgive ourselves
    For not forgiving others in the journey of finding healing
    Emphasizing that a good heart does not await an apology
    Though it taketh a good man to accept it
    It taketh a great man to maketh an apology

    The blog I need help with is mcgeniusthepoet.wordpress.com.

  2. Jesus is not available to answer your questions in the WordPress.com technical support forums. Thursdays and Sundays are His days off.