Category Archives: Julian Assange

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Coffee, anyone?

Cthulhu coffee is tentacularly tasty!

Cthulhu coffee is tentacularly tasty!

After the night I’ve had, make mine a decaf.

On the upside:

So yeah, validated.

But I’m telling you, for the next little while I don’t need any god damn more surprises. CHEERS!

have a cup of Cthulhu!

have a cup of Cthulhu!

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Post-Valentine’s Day Unicorn Chaser

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange; satisfaction guaranteed or your encryption key back!

And how was YOUR Valentine’s Day?

Spokesmodeling: looks like somebody’s found a way to keep Wikileaks flush while fighting court cases around the world! Smart thinking; the marketing of Lay-A-Neckbeard.net is challenging in the extreme, thanks to people’s selfish refusal to be sexually attracted to the physically repulsive. All they need is a little marketing makeover (and diet and exercise, facials, stylists, and grooming tips) and POOF! Instant sex god dating site.

Also related: Penis Puppy! Awww, so cute…and about 30 inches long!

Penis Puppy

Penis Puppy

If you’re not dating, how are you spending your time? If you’re like me, like this:

Tea and hardcovers

Tea and hardcovers

You KNOW you have no secrets on the internet. Oh, PS: You left the webcam on.

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Happy? Valentine’s Day

If they wanted us to be truly happy, wouldn’t it be OUR day instead of this Valendude’s? Think about it.

Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean it’s NOT a conspiracy.

The Stormtrooper of Love

The Stormtrooper of Love

Not sure what to get That Special Someone on This Special Day? If he’s anything like this guy, I recommend the newly-released Kalashnikov 5. Yes, that’s right: they released the newest AK-47 just in time for Valentine’s Day. How thoughtful of them.

As for me, well, is there any question what I want? And I didn’t get it for Christmas, either.

They simply flock to him

They simply flock to him

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Wikileaks 1: Mainstream Media, um, 1

Whatchoolookinat?

Whatchoolookinat?

It’s a tale told in tweets, a very Twenty-First Century tale, for lo, it is all about recycling, Wikileaks, Russia, Orwellian paranoia, US online surveillance, and the Mainstream Media vs the New Media (remember the New Media? This is it. Are we vindicated or embarrassed?).

In other words, this is what my editors over at the DailyDot.com did NOT decide to run with my latest Wikileaks story, so I’m using it here, so there.

They took out all my wacky Cold War jokes, too, damnation! What’s an article about Russia and the US without a few tasteless Cold War jokes thrown in? Whodathunk a few references here or there to Google’s info-capitalist hegemony would get people in Silicon Valley so touchy?

Our story begins:

which comes from the head of RT, the network which has just picked up Julian Assange‘s new talk show. I repeat: JULIAN ASSANGE’S NEW TALK SHOW.

and translates thusly:

The AFP has issued a note that Assange goes with us. Are mixed there, I went to a meeting withthe explosive, and about the alpha male, and about YES:) #chistyytresh

to which we can only reply:

This might actually convince me to get cable. I’ll just let Twitter tell the rest of the story.

and from my former boss at True/Slant, now in charge of the front page of the NYT.com,

Well, you KNOW there’s no way I’m taking THAT lying down.

Canuckistani Revolutionary

Canuckistani Revolutionary

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Weekend Roundup: SOPA, Harper, Hipsters, Canuckistan, and Wikileaks

Prime Minister Stephen Harper Sez Welcome to Canada's beautiful tar sands

Prime Minister Stephen Harper Sez Welcome to Canada's beautiful tar sands

And how was YOUR weekend? Canuckistan’s Glorious Ruler posed for a picture with some cuddly Alberta wildlife, while his obedient servants created a website apologizing to the world for the mortifying homunculus who sits, slavering, atop Parliament.

We messed up.

We know you look to us as one of the last great strongholds of common sense in a swirling sea of crazy on this big ol’ crazy planet of ours.

Decriminalized marijuana, same-sex marriage, our peace keeping force, universal health care, education, our stance on environment, human rights, and religious freedom made us look pretty darn awesome.

Now we’re realizing that those things that made us awesome are being taken away from us, and it’s not just us Canadians who are paying the price.

Turns out some of us thought it would be a grand idea to put this fucking guy in charge.

Well, actually, it wasn’t so much that we put him in charge as it is we failed not to.

We goofed. We took our stick off the ice. We pulled a real boner. For that we apologize.

But, hey. 2015 is just around the corner. Hopefully, we’ve learned our lesson, and we’ll do better next time.

We’d better, assuming he doesn’t pull a coup and off the Governor-General, and I wouldn’t put it past him or his alien leaders.

In related news, at least now we can live tweet the defeat of democracy as it happens:

The government of America’s hat announced it will repeal a 1938 law that prohibited citizens from publicly posting election results before all polls closed across the country. Since social-media sites feature real-time discussions, it has been nearly impossibly to enforce the rule despiteElections Canada’s hardline stance.

Someone who’s suddenly not having a great weekend is Greyhound bus driver Donald Ainsworth, who kicked 13 OccupySD protesters off his bus just for supporting Occupy. He thought he’d show them.

Then we did this:

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