It’s a Christmas Tradition on the ol’ raincoaster blog to re-post this, the greatest Christmas story ever told (sorry, Jesus!): A Christmas Story, by Sarban. It is long, but if I can spend several hours typing it in, you can take an hour or less to read it. I recommend accompanying it with a bottle of Zubrowka and a box of Kleenex.
A Christmas Story
By Sarban (John W. Wall)
I will tell you a Christmas story. I will tell it as Alexander Andreievitch Masseyev told it me in his little house outside the walls of Jedda years ago one hot, damp Christmas Eve….
For our second selection, we have the entirely awesome Simon Callow reading one of Charles Dickins’ non-cloying stories, “The Christmas Tree,” a marvellous, metaphorical memoir. I’ve stolen this one from the Guardian.
Emo Jesus sez it’s okay. He’s still got his poetry.
Anybody who’s read the King James version of the Bible knows there’s poetry in it. But is there poetry in the “Other Books” like the Gnostic Gospels, the Kabbalah, and the famous Book of Mormon? We dunno.
But thanks to WikiLeaks, we have The Church Handbook of Instructions for Mormons, and we can confirm, yea verily, that there is poetry within, at least according to the Haiku Finder. And here is that poetry.
I SELL VIVID ICU MEDICAL FICTION.
I WANT MISSPELLED NAMES OF OTHER MEDICAL SITES TO BE REDIRECTED TO MY SITE.
HEY, THEY MIGHT BUY MY BOOK.
HOW DO I DO THIS?
I OWN DOMAIN MAPPING FOR MY SITE LUNGLORD.COM.
AS FOR YOUR HELP- MUCH APPRECIATED.
BUT BE SPECIFIC. ONE TWO THREE FOUR.
I AM A WRITER NOT COMPUTER CLEVER.
When someone in cyberspace is TYPING AN ENTIRE SENTENCE OR PARAGRAPH IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, that person is SHOUTING. It is not proper netiquette to TYPE IN ALL CAPS and it makes whatever you typed very difficult for others to read.
thank you al fur the same crticsm- that n my haste I just typed nd ntered wen i should hve throughly and prrecisely proofed mi text furst for errorrrs beford subbmiting. Hooever isn charge canned delete this quession fur my grate offinse to protocol. tank you all for c ing past the superficiality of my hummble errrorr and helping mee. It is guud to know peeepole thgat though they correct u they also go a head and help you two.
Among my friends there is a certain consensus of opinion, and they are unified in their belief that this is one of the smartest things I’ve ever said about myself: That, if I weren’t so confident in my ability to cope with crises, I’d put more effort into preventing them. Here we can see that principle expressed in the 21st Century’s highest art form, the Infographic.
Apropos of nothing, I will here list the words that I learned from the internet yesterday. You may find them amusing. Given my problem-solving style, I have no doubt I will find them critically useful at some point in the future.
As the great prophet Phyllis Diller once said, “I don’t merely believe in miracles. I rely on them.“
auto-mythocredititis, otherwise known as believing all your own spin [from the Guardian]
opuloconfundosapiensis – the tendency to confuse having lots of money with being very clever [same source, and I can hardly wait to incorporate this into an attack on the 1% on a dilapidated cardboard sign for Occupy Vancouver]
mon-orchid, meaning having only one testicle. Not exactly sure how I will bring this into a political discussion, but then there is no low to which I will not stoop in the fury of a firefight, so who knows? I may even lay it on Christie Clark. [from a fascinating Fortean Times article on the blue dogs of Texas]
and yes, I do read an eclectic collection of sites recently. I got bored with the usual Gawker/Awl/Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr round and decided to branch out, starting with solid, hard news sites and ending with amusing ones. No idea why I’m so fascinated with portraiture lately, though.