Forum Follies: I CAN’T HEER U!

People sometimes ask me why I spend so much time answering questions in the WordPress.com technical support forums.

For the lulz, people. For the lulz.

  1. I SELL VIVID ICU MEDICAL FICTION.
    I WANT MISSPELLED NAMES OF OTHER MEDICAL SITES TO BE REDIRECTED TO MY SITE.
    HEY, THEY MIGHT BUY MY BOOK.
    HOW DO I DO THIS?
    I OWN DOMAIN MAPPING FOR MY SITE LUNGLORD.COM.
    AS FOR YOUR HELP- MUCH APPRECIATED.
    BUT BE SPECIFIC. ONE TWO THREE FOUR.
    I AM A WRITER NOT COMPUTER CLEVER.

    HELP ME OF WORDPRESS SAGES YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE.

    LUNGLORD

  2. Please stop posting all in capitals – it’s making my ears hurt.

  3. Aaaaaagh! Stop SHOUTING! No need for the capitals, we’re not all blind as bats.

  4. THEY DONT CALL HIM THE LUNG LORD FOR NOTHING YOU NOW

  5. EH? SPEAK UP! :)

  6. IS YOUR BOOK IN ALL CAPS TOO? IN COMIC SANS?

  7. When someone in cyberspace is TYPING AN ENTIRE SENTENCE OR PARAGRAPH IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, that person is SHOUTING. It is not proper netiquette to TYPE IN ALL CAPS and it makes whatever you typed very difficult for others to read.

  8. WHAT???

    And you would just have to find out by looking at popular websites. that’s the only way.

  9. thank you al fur the same crticsm- that n my haste I just typed nd ntered wen i should hve throughly and prrecisely proofed mi text furst for errorrrs beford subbmiting. Hooever isn charge canned delete this quession fur my grate offinse to protocol. tank you all for c ing past the superficiality of my hummble errrorr and helping mee. It is guud to know peeepole thgat though they correct u they also go a head and help you two.

  10. It only works as parody if we have reason to believe it’s not your house style.

Word of the day: Sapiosexual

Word of the day Sapiosexual

Word of the day Sapiosexual

Now that is what I call sexy. Hmmm, how do I hook this up…?

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange

Geek Online Dating with Julian Assange

GPOY: Solution Mapping Edition

GPOY solution map

GPOY solution map

Among my friends there is a certain consensus of opinion, and they are unified in their belief that this is one of the smartest things I’ve ever said about myself: That, if I weren’t so confident in my ability to cope with crises, I’d put more effort into preventing them. Here we can see that principle expressed in the 21st Century’s highest art form, the Infographic.

Apropos of nothing, I will here list the words that I learned from the internet yesterday. You may find them amusing. Given my problem-solving style, I have no doubt I will find them critically useful at some point in the future.

As the great prophet Phyllis Diller once said, “I don’t merely believe in miracles. I rely on them.

  • auto-mythocredititis, otherwise known as believing all your own spin [from the Guardian]
  • opuloconfundosapiensis – the tendency to confuse having lots of money with being very clever [same source, and I can hardly wait to incorporate this into an attack on the 1% on a dilapidated cardboard sign for Occupy Vancouver]
  • mon-orchid, meaning having only one testicle. Not exactly sure how I will bring this into a political discussion, but then there is no low to which I will not stoop in the fury of a firefight, so who knows? I may even lay it on Christie Clark. [from a fascinating Fortean Times article on the blue dogs of Texas]

and yes, I do read an eclectic collection of sites recently. I got bored with the usual Gawker/Awl/Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr round and decided to branch out, starting with solid, hard news sites and ending with amusing ones. No idea why I’m so fascinated with portraiture lately, though.

Fran Lebowitz on the difference between consumers and citizens

Fran Lebowitz is Frantastic

Fran Lebowitz is Frantastic

We’ve already heard from the revered Fran Lebowitz on this topic, but in this short PBS video she lays it down concisely and precisely: consumers have no responsibilities, citizens have numerous and important responsibilities, democracy is unnatural, and dictatorships are natural. “People are bad.” Somehow, she does it in a way that leaves you feeling optimistic. Hey, she’s a genius, what do you expect?

God Is Dead; Long Live …

Existential rage comic iz existential

Existential rage comic iz existential

“Fuck”?

It’s true: Fuck is now the most important word in the English language, and it’s all Nietzsche’s fault. Oh sure, blame Nietzsche. Jump on the bandwagon.

Here’s the late Osho (aka Chandra Mohan Jain aka Acharya Rajneesh aka Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) explaining how the death of god has elevated this once-humble ejaculation to pre-eminent status.