The NeverEnding Story is a childhood classic with a neverending potential for discussion. Last week, we discussed how it’s all Artax’s fault that the generation that saw this as children turned out to be completely fucked up. Stupid horse! If you’d just stayed cheerful in the Swamps of Sadness (what, they don’t have bubblegum pop playlists in Fantasia?) you’d have made it out alive, a generation would not have wasted their adolescence pretending to be Fiona Apple and Trent Reznor, and Atreyu would have saved the world a helluva lot faster, you goddam waste of alfalfa!
Emo pony doesn’t care about your sugar. Life IS lumps, sweetie.
This week, we bring you the last thoughts of the late Artax, emo basketcase and (formerly) living proof that man’s best friend is a dog, not a goddam equine.
I’m feeling pretty crummy, if I’m honest with myself. And sort of…melon…what’s that word? Melatonin? Melancholy, that’s it. Boy, I gotta start doing the crossword again, my vocab’s gone to shit.
‘Course I never was the sharpest nail in the horseshoe.
Is the mud getting deeper or is it just me? It is just me. Atreyu! I’m, like, four feet tall all of a sudden. What the heck?
It…it just gets worse from there. Go on. Read the whole thing.
Lisa we have to talk
Seriously, this “childcare” thing looks hella fun! I can playtest plotlines for my novel while earning money and watching tv. Of course, I’ve been told that pet care pays better (and a quick search through Craigslist confirms this) but you know how cats are.
Fuck This cat
They’re even worse than editors.
existential mouse will have none of your banal, suburban optimism, thank you
The Existential Pet Tumblr may be the greatest thing since Hound Dogs Running.
Contrary to my expectations, and to my great disappointment, I learned that this is not how Coco Puffs are made. Au contraire, this is the War on Drugs. Who knew coke was so flammable?
The Guardian reports:
Puerto Concordia, Colombia: anti-narcotics police officers blow up a cocaine processing laboratory after seizing it from the Farc
Photograph: Guillermo Legaria/AFP/Getty Images
Bystanders were extremely moved by the pyrotechnic display, if not thrilled.
I fucking hate shortages!!
The Most Perfect Facebook Status Update of All Time
NO BAD FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES!!!
If you do that, I shall do this.
Kate Middleton throws shade upon you inexpert Facebook users
announcing: 2bad4FB, a blog for all those status updates that should never be posted to Facebook. Anonymity guaranteed, so put it in the Submit box. As soon as I get that enabled, that is.