The Nightmare of Brooklyn Real Estate: a reality check from 1905

As many events in my life are, this post was sparked by a discussion on Gawker (lately, it’s the rare one which doesn’t center around how awful Kinja is becoming, and god knows, it started out badly).

Yuppies have apparently Burst Williamsburg’s Borders, Spilling Out in All Directions.

I imagine that looked something like this.

…and was welcomed by the locals in much the same spirit.

Now, I’m going to make a radical proposal. There will be mucho blowback on this controversial statement; of that I am well aware. My lawyers are standing by, along with a team of trained PR ninjas, to ensure we all come out of the ensuing melee with our orthodontistry intact.

I’m going to say that the gentrification of Brooklyn has been going on for more than a century. It’s true! There never was a time when it was “the undiscovered country!” And there never really was a time when anyone was happy to move out of Manhattan and across a bridge, unless they were getting out of the MCC.

Here’s your proof. Memory is a wonderful thing, my friends, for lo, it has enabled me to read a Gawker post about sprawling colonialism in Brooklyn and tie it to this comic, from Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend, a marvelous collection of turn of the last century but one comics, all based on nightmares from having had too much Welsh Rarebit. I must test this theory out on the ol’ drinkscoaster blog someday, and snarf a whole Welsh Rarebit just before bed, preferably with the kind of beer that just gets gassier the farther along the gastrointestinal tract it gets.

From the brilliantly twisted mind of Winsor McCay, and from the readers who sent in their dreams for illustrations (or the stories he made up when nobody was forthcoming; was this the first Overheard In model in history?), not to mention the good people at the Comic Strip Library,  comes this panel. True then as now, down to the olde timey get-ups and the novelty smoking equipment.

Brooklyn Real Estate Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend

Brooklyn Real Estate Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend

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American Indians reclaim Zuccotti Park at Occupy Wall Street

The Greedy Eagle Casino by IndigFlygirl

The Greedy Eagle Casino Grand Opening by IndigFlygirl

We at the ol’ raincoaster blog salute our First Nations brothers and sisters of the West Village Band of Zuccotti Indians as they proudly reclaim their ancestral territory.

And promptly put a casino on it.

“Hit me!”

“No, that comes later.”

This may be the funniest, least PC thing I’ve ever posted. Should be good for at least one flamewar with some White Liberal Guilt-Having Vegan. Hey, don’t blame me, blame the 1491’s! Blaming the Natives: we should have perfected it by now!

Welcome to New York, Ahmadinejad

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Totally Looks Like Jake Gyllenhaal
can not be unseen!

The NYC visit of the President of Iran is as good an excuse as we need to re-post this video. View it quick, before Lorne Michael’s little trolls pry it from the internet’s sadly un-tenacious grasp.

IRan So Far

Lyrics via JustJared

They say true love comes only once in a lifetime

And even though we’re from opposite ends of the earth

My heart tells me you’re the one for me

Mahmoud, I remember when it started, saw you on the news

You hating gays, I was eating food

I was feeling you, and even though I disagree with almost everything you said

You ain’t wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me

Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me

Mahmoud, make my heart beating out of my chest

my mind says no but my body says yes

You ain’t no threat, the only threat I see, is the threat of you not coming home to me

Our love for each other is like when atoms collide

Can’t express how I feel, and yo Adam let’s ride

And Iran, Iran so far away is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay

He ran, for the president of Iran

We ran together to a tropical island

My man, Mahmoud is known for violence

Smiling, if he can still do it then I can

They call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval

You can play the Jews, I can be your Jim Caviezel

S&M, (?) when we’re wrestlin’

You can be the port that I put my vessel in

So I try to (?) but you can still see me

With your sleepy brown eyes, butter pecan thighs

And your hairy butt… Yeah.

And Iran, Iran so far away

Come home, and in my arms you’ll stay

Used to look at the stars and dream

Around the world the same stars we’re seeing

And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud

Talk smooth to me, in the night sky

With you pants high waisted, damn so fly

We can take a trip to the animal zoo

And laugh at all the funny things that animals do

Like Eugene, you got me straight trippin’ boo

Hope you look at my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too

You say (?) but they already do

You should know by now, it’s you

You crazy for this world Mahmoud

So give us another Holocaust all you want

But you can’t deny that there’s something between us

I know you say there’s no gays in Iran

But you’re in New York now baby

So time to stop hating and start living

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Happy New Year from Brian Atene

Yes, it’s raincoaster‘s favorite YouTube muse, Brian Atene, back with a cupfull of holiday cheer just for you (and the Juilliard School, and Kevin Spacey) in this dazzlingly impromptu video entitled A Juilliard Christmas Card.

And in the same spirit, here’s a little something from Dr Boli:

The Spirit of the Season

And something meaningful to ponder this New Year’s Eve:

I am Y2K Ready

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Vancouver International Film Festival Contest

]Vancouver International Film Festival Contest

You’ve got ONE day, Vangroover. Contest ends tomorrow.
What are you doing sitting at home when you could be at the Vancouver International Film Festival, watching movies that the nasty greedheads you know and love from Entourage never got their filthy paws on? How can you be there? Easy:

You win my contest, you get tickets. Two tickets to one of these films FOUR tix to the film of your choice. (not includig galas, not including sold out performances, not including getting the star’s phone number; you’re on your own for getting those) Simple, right?

How do you enter? You leave a tasteless joke in the Comments section right here, preferably a tasteless Hollywood joke. Or, if you can’t think of or Google a tasteless joke that nobody else has told yet, you can just leave a plain old vanilla comment. But tasteless jokes get automatic priority in my completely slanted system. Tasteless jokes featuring Cthulhu count triple!

We’re talking Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. You want to see Heath Ledger‘s last (and possibly best) movie, don’t you? Support the twisted genius of Terry Gilliam and piss off major studios while you’re at it.

We’re talking The Agony and the Ecstasy of Phil Spector. Who doesn’t want to know what twisted, murderous mania lurks under that hideous fright wig? A man who is capable of convincing himself that THAT looks good is capable of anything.

(sorry, the Beeb took down the trailer and it’s not on YouTube yet. You KNOW what you must do, little soldiers)

We’re talking Beyond the Game, World of Warcraft made actually interesting for non-WoWers. I just want to see if this can be done in the first place, really.

We’re talking…hell, just READ this:

Empire State Building Murders (France,
73 min.) <EMPIR>William Karel (The World According
to Bush) has created something entirely
new. He’s “mixed” scenes from more than 50 classic
film noir and recruited the very much alive
Kirk Douglas, Lauren Bacall, Mickey Rooney and
Cyd Charisse to play along from the point of view
of today, adding whole new layers of meaning.
Ben Gazarra leads us through this seductive maze.

I dunno about you, but frankly Ben Gazarra can lead me through a seductive maze any time. It’s Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid meets … well, every film referenced in Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Trailer is here: Empire State Building Murders

and we are talking about The Great Contemporary Art Bubble, which is basically every story John Richardson ever wrote for Vanity Fair magazine, in documentary format. Watch Damien Hurst sell dead critters for more digits than you’re accountant has ever seen! Watch ostentatious Eurotrash frenemies air kiss in Monte Carlo auction houses! Watch…the auction audience, trying to spot the prostitutes.

Let the Great Tasteless Joke Contest for Vancouver International Film Festival Tickets begin!