Coco-BOOM
Contrary to my expectations, and to my great disappointment, I learned that this is not how Coco Puffs are made. Au contraire, this is the War on Drugs. Who knew coke was so flammable?
Puerto Concordia, Colombia: anti-narcotics police officers blow up a cocaine processing laboratory after seizing it from the Farc
Photograph: Guillermo Legaria/AFP/Getty Images
Bystanders were extremely moved by the pyrotechnic display, if not thrilled.
I fucking hate shortages!!
Whatchoolookinat?
It’s a tale told in tweets, a very Twenty-First Century tale, for lo, it is all about recycling, Wikileaks, Russia, Orwellian paranoia, US online surveillance, and the Mainstream Media vs the New Media (remember the New Media? This is it. Are we vindicated or embarrassed?).
In other words, this is what my editors over at the DailyDot.com did NOT decide to run with my latest Wikileaks story, so I’m using it here, so there.
They took out all my wacky Cold War jokes, too, damnation! What’s an article about Russia and the US without a few tasteless Cold War jokes thrown in? Whodathunk a few references here or there to Google’s info-capitalist hegemony would get people in Silicon Valley so touchy?
Our story begins:
АФП выдало заметку о том, что Ассанж выходит у нас. Намешали туда, что я ходила на встречу с ВВ, и про альфа-самца, и про ДА:) #чистыйтрэш—
Маргарита Симоньян (@M_Simonyan) January 25, 2012
which comes from the head of RT, the network which has just picked up Julian Assange‘s new talk show. I repeat: JULIAN ASSANGE’S NEW TALK SHOW.
and translates thusly:
The AFP has issued a note that Assange goes with us. Are mixed there, I went to a meeting withthe explosive, and about the alpha male, and about YES:) #chistyytresh
to which we can only reply:
This might actually convince me to get cable. I’ll just let Twitter tell the rest of the story.
RT @RT_com: #Assange's TV show on RT: Most anticipated news series of 2012? on.rt.com/a9t8pm—
WikiLeaksLover (@NOH8ER) January 25, 2012
RT @melbourneninja: Wow! @RT_com secured the rights to Julian #Assange's political TV series just 24hrs after the #WikiLeaks press release!—
WikiLeaksLover (@NOH8ER) January 25, 2012
and from my former boss at True/Slant, now in charge of the front page of the NYT.com,
This is Orwellian RT @evgenymorozov: So Assange has sold out to Kremlin – yack! rt.com/news/julian-as…—
Michael Roston (@michaelroston) January 25, 2012
@michaelroston Actually RT is not bad sometimes.—
(@raincoaster) January 25, 2012
@raincoaster it's owned and operated by a semi-authoritarian government. It's always bad.—
Michael Roston (@michaelroston) January 25, 2012
@michaelroston Hahahahahahahaha, so is PBS.—
(@raincoaster) January 25, 2012
@michaelroston Ironically, Russia now has greater privacy protections than the US, especially online. Wikileaks uses .ru emails, for eg—
(@raincoaster) January 25, 2012
@raincoaster yet another American taken in by a Potemkin village—
Michael Roston (@michaelroston) January 25, 2012
Well, you KNOW there’s no way I’m taking THAT lying down.
Canuckistani Revolutionary
@michaelroston Didn't you used to be my boss? Don't you remember I'm not an American?—
(@raincoaster) January 25, 2012
@raincoaster I stand corrected. A Canadian taken in by a Potemkin village.—
Michael Roston (@michaelroston) January 25, 2012
@michaelroston I don't think so. I don't drink either US or Russian kool aid. Look at the privacy protections of Livejournal: pretty ace!—
(@raincoaster) January 25, 2012
@raincoaster Vladimir Putin is just fighting terrorists in Chechnya, and he also discovered many antique relics at the bottom of that lake—
Michael Roston (@michaelroston) January 25, 2012
@michaelroston it's understandable Assange would go with RT. a) who else would give him airtime? Murdoch? b) they've been good to him—
(@raincoaster) January 25, 2012
RT @JLLLOW: C'mon now, did u really think a US or UK television network would air Assange's show? They've been too busy making docos cri …—
WikiLeaksLover (@NOH8ER) January 25, 2012
@jessradio @jaraparilla You may not realise it yet, but it seems likely to me that Julian is using the Kremlin AT LEAST as much as they him.—
WikiLeaksLover (@NOH8ER) January 25, 2012
Prime Minister Stephen Harper Sez Welcome to Canada's beautiful tar sands
And how was YOUR weekend? Canuckistan’s Glorious Ruler posed for a picture with some cuddly Alberta wildlife, while his obedient servants created a website apologizing to the world for the mortifying homunculus who sits, slavering, atop Parliament.
We messed up.
We know you look to us as one of the last great strongholds of common sense in a swirling sea of crazy on this big ol’ crazy planet of ours.
Decriminalized marijuana, same-sex marriage, our peace keeping force, universal health care, education, our stance on environment, human rights, and religious freedom made us look pretty darn awesome.
Now we’re realizing that those things that made us awesome are being taken away from us, and it’s not just us Canadians who are paying the price.
Turns out some of us thought it would be a grand idea to put this fucking guy in charge.
Well, actually, it wasn’t so much that we put him in charge as it is we failed not to.
We goofed. We took our stick off the ice. We pulled a real boner. For that we apologize.
But, hey. 2015 is just around the corner. Hopefully, we’ve learned our lesson, and we’ll do better next time.
We’d better, assuming he doesn’t pull a coup and off the Governor-General, and I wouldn’t put it past him or his alien leaders.
In related news, at least now we can live tweet the defeat of democracy as it happens:
The government of America’s hat announced it will repeal a 1938 law that prohibited citizens from publicly posting election results before all polls closed across the country. Since social-media sites feature real-time discussions, it has been nearly impossibly to enforce the rule despiteElections Canada’s hardline stance.
Someone who’s suddenly not having a great weekend is Greyhound bus driver Donald Ainsworth, who kicked 13 OccupySD protesters off his bus just for supporting Occupy. He thought he’d show them.
Then we did this:
Kim Jong Il my urine will bring us victory
There’s no use wishing Kim Jong-Il will rest in peace, because that would be the farthest thing from justice this or any other world could perpetrate. If it weren’t such a long walk, I’d put my dancing shoes on for this. Instead, in keeping with my new mantle of professionalism, I have decided to make this exclusive photojournalism report on Kim Jong-Il‘s journey to Antenora, the Second Round of the Ninth Circle of Hell. First, let’s remember the Beloved Leader as he was in life:
Yep, that’s pretty much it. Now direct to our exclusive coverage, featuring pix from those intrepid photogs over at the World’s Suddenly Least Purposeful Blog, KimJongIlLookingAtThings.
The Greedy Eagle Casino Grand Opening by IndigFlygirl
We at the ol’ raincoaster blog salute our First Nations brothers and sisters of the West Village Band of Zuccotti Indians as they proudly reclaim their ancestral territory.
And promptly put a casino on it.
“Hit me!”
“No, that comes later.”
This may be the funniest, least PC thing I’ve ever posted. Should be good for at least one flamewar with some White Liberal Guilt-Having Vegan. Hey, don’t blame me, blame the 1491′s! Blaming the Natives: we should have perfected it by now!
