Our Traci Lords, who art in Heaven

It seems a bit odd, but maybe only to me, that increasingly I have come to testify to the awesomeness of former porn star Traci Lords. Why would a prude (or circumscribed prude) such as myself be all YEAH SHE IS AWESOME? Well, I’ll be happy to tell you but happier to show you. My first exposure to Traci Lords was by clicking in, by accident, to Whoopi Goldberg’s talk show in the 90′s, about halfway through, long past the use of personal pronouns. I had no idea who this woman was; I just knew that her charity work was amazing, and informed by an intelligence that was not circumscribed by any set of cultural blinkers. Watch and learn.

and recently she came forward about the Steubenville rapes, to testify to a rape culture in the town, a culture which contributed to her own rape, at the age of ten. She was the first and (as far as I can see) only person to talk about the fact the victim was ejaculated and peed upon. She’s turned that experience into the music video Stupidville, and I applaud her for it.

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celebrity sperminators?

celebrity sperminators?

You know how fond we are of our internet quizzes around these parts (particularly when we’re feeling lazy, which is always). This may be our greatest find in all of Internet Quiz history. Oh, first we were all like, that site is so skanky! It’s fucking Essex Online, with a side of Whalley.tripod.com crossed with JerseyShore.com.

It is nothing more nor less than a celebrity sperm bank.

And…it’s British people. So their definition of “celebrity” includes basically anyone with a tan and competent orthodontistry.

But they have a quiz, so we gave it a whirl. Well, just LOOK at this, wouldja?

Famedaddy Bono

Famedaddy Bono

Obviously this quiz is wise beyond the lot of mortals. HOW DID IT KNOW???? Le sigh. Some day.


The Ultimate New Media Smackdown! Gawker vs Hulk Hogan

This is astonishing. Stunning. Staggering. Entirely mind-blowing. This video describing the sex tape drama between gossipy website Gawker and immoral wrestler and tanning product abuser Hulk Hogan will cause you to question the very nature of reality, if not the point of existence itself.

I know what you’re wondering; you have the same question as me. We all want to know the answer.

How does that studly himbo Gawker get his logo to float in front of his shirt like that?

Penis Dog Post

penis dog iz penisy

penis dog iz penisy

Technically, “penile” is the word, but one can’t expect Google to be hip to that. And this post, unsurprisingly, is all about Teh Googlez.

We have previously blogged Penis Puppy.

Penis Puppy will grow into Penis Dog

Penis Puppy will grow into Penis Dog

What can I say? I was teaching at a conference, and they say you should always include pictures of cats to ensure your presentation goes over well. Well, I’m no more a cat person than I am a Chihuahua person, so I said FUCK THAT SHIT and went with Penis Puppy. I think that aught to wipe the floor with any kittens extant. And after the presentation, a participant tweeted me a picture of Penis Dog, so I think my path to Google hegemony is well underway.

Celebrate an Intimate Hanukah

How is this menorah different from all other menorahs?

How is this menorah different from all other menorahs?

Okay, people, it’s NOT JUST ME and my dirty mind that sees something odd about this menorah.

Is it?

Because sure, it looks like a nice, gay-friendly, low-profile, modern menorah.

But it also looks a hell of a lot like a string of anal beads.

Remove candles before use.

PS thanks to, uh, Kate Spade New York for the link? I really, really don’t think they saw the same thing I did here. Kate Spade has impeccable taste. Uh. Tastes.