Happy Valentine’s Day!

Longtime readers know how much I adore this, the Hallmarkiest Holiday. Over the years, I’ve commemorated it with bouquets of dead flowers, Partridge Family anthems, and a lot of old-skool punk macros. Today, I have a roundup of the valentines which I received (TWO! Infinitely better than last year! Literally! Look how excited I am!) and those which I merely saw and wish to share.

From KAL301 on Twitter, I got an ASCII rose.

And from longtime blogging pal Disembedded, a street art heart.

Joe NYC Valentine

Joe NYC Valentine

And now, from around the internet:

Happy V Day from JA

Happy V Day from JA

Valentine's Day at Batman's

Valentine’s Day at Batman’s

Valentine Doge

Valentine Doge

My new imaginary sweetie Vin Diesel being adorbs.

A morbidly romantic safety reminder from Australia’s Dumb Ways to Die juggernaut.

And lastly but far from leastly, comes a Cthulhu Kissing Booth. Yes. An ACTUAL. CTHULHU. KISSING. BOOTH. But don’t get fresh and ask him who will be eaten first; not unless you’ve at least bought him dinner and flowers.

Cthulhu Kissing Booth: Pucker up and hang on to your sanity...if you CAN

Cthulhu Kissing Booth: Pucker up and hang on to your sanity…if you CAN

If that doesn’t get me on Reddit, fuck the aspie lot of ‘em!

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PEEWEE with Me!

He's trouble.

He’s trouble.

There are actual real-world advantages to spending as much time as I do on social media. Don’t believe me? FINE! You, then, will not be able to be my date for an 11pm showing of PeeWee’s Big Adventure at the Rio Theatre in glorious uptown Vangroover, just south of The Drive. And why will you be unable to be my date? Because you’ll be sitting in the corner with your fingers in your ears and a pile of electronics around you that you’ve unplugged lest they spy on you through the webcam while you’re asleep, going LALALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT PAY OFF EYE ARR ELL. Yes, you will.

Here’s the announcement. Now to find a date. Any brave volunteers want to step up?

FREE TICKETS ALERT: “You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.” What can we say about Tim Burton’s PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE? It’s a whimsical delight that, like Pee Wee himself, just never gets old. Burton’s career has had an interesting trajectory since this film’s release in 1985; some would argue that he hasn’t made a good film in years and is really just a frustrated set decorator. *What’s your favourite Tim Burton movie and why?* Leave your comment below to maybe (probably) win TWO TICKETS to PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE this Friday at 11:00. Winners (and there will be many, especially if you take a moment to SHARE THIS POST) contacted via Facebook email (check your “other” box so as not to miss out!) and must be 19+. *PLEASE SHARE* this link, it really helps us let people know what we’re doing! Good luck!

And here’s the comment I made that won it for me:

So, who’s the brave person who will consent to be my Plus One for the evening? If you think it might be unendurable, always remember: they serve beer at the Rio. Volunteers please line up in the comments section.

But seriously, how was YOUR Valentine’s Day?

It was better than this guy’s.

Someone stood up a guy who BRINGS FLOWERS??? Get me that man's number immediately!

Someone stood up a guy who BRINGS FLOWERS??? Get me that man's number immediately!

Honestly, woman, are you INSANE? You find the last man on Earth who actually brings flowers on a date and you stand him up????

Internet, get me this man’s contact details immediately!