Although the government has tried their best to cover up what really happened at the launch of the homemade X-Wing fighter, we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog have sourced exclusive footage which demonstrates conclusively that this was not the innocent accident we’re all supposed to believe it was.
Ask yourself: who gains by this deception? The answer, of course, is obvious.
Yes, Stacy Keach is a man of many talents. You may be familiar with him as an actor; you may have heard of his charity work; you may know him from his colourful personal history, but are you aware that this veritable Renaissance Man is also a qualified Jedi Master Chef?
Indeed, in the crowded ranks of celebrity Jedi Chef wannabes, only a rare few make it through to the revered rank of Jedi Master Chef. The years of training, the discipline necessary to wield a lightsaber or boning knife equally with not only a straight face, but a threatening one, the dogged pursuit of the scoundrel known as “Santa Clause”, and the ability to instantly recall the correct method for preparing non-weepy custard, are accomplishments beyond the ability of all but a rare, ascetic few.
Undertaking the way of the Jedi Chef is the choice of those remarkable individuals whose paths wind through tangled underbrush, dark valleys, and science fiction conventions.
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Here, at last, are the long-awaited lyrics to the Chad Vader interpretation of that hoary YouTube classic we’ve all enjoyed so much over the years, Chocolate Rain.
Click here for the Tay Zonday original audio and the Chad Vader video, now singalong-able!
Chocolate Rain!
Randy made me mop the floor again
Chocolate Rain!
Clarissa left and now my heart feels pain
Chocolate Rain!
Whitstrom is the one I’m going to train
Chocolate Rain!
Once my face was normal. Now it’s maimed
Chocolate Rain!
I drove my bike into the wrong lane
Chocolate Rain!
Fell right into the mouth of Evil King
Chocolate Rain!
To get me out they had to use a crane
Chocolate Rain!
My face got burned and now it’s not the same
Chocolate Rain!
Double coupon Mondays are the worst
Chocolate Rain!
An old lady attacked me with her purse
Chocolate Rain!
Lloyd annoys me every day at 3
Chocolate Rain!
Weekend double shifts are killing me
Chocolate Rain!
Clint fills me with anger and with hate
Chocolate Rain!
I threw him into a lettuce crate
Chocolate Rain!
Tell me who will stop the Chocolate Rain!
Chocolate Rain!
It is quite tasty this Chocolate Rain!
Chocolate Rain!
Chocolate Rain! is raining in my brain
Chocolate Rain!
Chocolate Rain!Chocolate Rain!Chocolate Rain!Chocolate Rain!Chocolate Rain!Chocolate Rain!
uh…
Chocolate Raaaaaain!
Chocolate Rain!
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An instant classic. Now, Tay Zonday aficionados and Star Wars fanboys can come together and enjoy their favorite music in a big, happy, zero-gravity hyperwarp planet of luv!
Your basic Tay Zonday original:
and the updated, Star Wars version by Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager.
via StarWarsBlog via Defamer
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Ah, I love the internets. Getting big online is like starting a religious cult: if something doesn’t exist in the real world, just make it up. Once enough people believe in your premise, Bob‘s your uncle.
Before eBay, did anybody think Six Million Dollar Man crap was really worth THAT much? Suppose I can’t be too smug, though: I actually HAD that t-shirt. And no, I didn’t get it at the time.
As I write this, I am pimping out my Second Life avatar in preparation for leading online blogging classes. So we’re all about the meta, the virtual, and the zeta today.
For an example of the kind of ephemeral (and temporary {hello Mahir! I kiss you!}) career which the intertubes have brought down the i-chute, may I present Bandicar, the Lightsaber Sensei.
With no fewer than 26 different saber spinning styles, each with its own YouTube video, a presumably economically-rewarding relationship with the manufacturer of regulation lightsabers, and a DVD release last year, Banditcar here has clearly maximized the metaverse’s potential for self-promotion.
Hmm, are lightsabers futuristic or retro?
I have to ask these things.
Whether he’d truly be any good in a real lightsaber fight is a question which is the quintessence of irrelevance, given that there is actually no such thing as a lightsaber and thus, no such thing as a real lightsaber fight. So, it’s not a real object or a real activity, but it is a real career. Got that? Hey, money’s just a mutually agreed upon delusion anyway. It makes TOTAL sense to me.
Now, to think of crossover opportunities. Oh, ComicCon, sure, but let’s get creative here. Lightsaber-wielding bodyguard? Hey, we’ve endured the Cooterflash Wars, the Duelling DUI‘s: since lengthy prison stints do tend to take one off TMZ‘s radar, perhaps Pimp My Bodyguard is the way to go, and in the darkness of most nightclubs I can’t think of a more impressive way to stand out in Teddy‘s than to be guarded by a ring of lightsaber stormtroopers. Oh, scuse me, I’ve got a call…
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