Attention Edward Snowden: INCOMING!

Well, this should end well.

Flounce Bingo, the national game of the Internet

Flounce Bingo, the national game of the Internet

There are some people the internet will miss, and me as well. And then there are some who…well…

So, I’m an admin in a hacker group on Facebook. This is challenging enough with people who are real, rather than made-up personas, and who speak English rather than some garbled patois known only to troll forums, intelligible only to RealGirls and other similarly mentally-challenged persons or entities. But not everyone who is there is real, sane, fluent in English, or respectful of boundaries.

Since I am identifiably and undeniably female on Facebook, those persons feel that I must be the most welcoming, friendly, helpful, and empathic admin.

This is a mistake.

Here is one of them. Let’s mock him, shall we?

Via completely, utterly unsolicited private message on Facebook:

Well, gee. Glad I could help.

Edward, you’re welcome.

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Great Footpads of History: Spring Heeled Jack

Spring Heeled Jack also apparently kitten heeled

Spring Heeled Jack also apparently kitten heeled

Regulars here at the ol’ raincoaster blog will be familiar with our partiality for cryptids, Illuminatuses, and similiar phantoms of the night. They will also be familiar with our somewhat impractical, but extensive, erudition on the subject. Imagine our surprise, then, when we discovered a supernatural evil-doer with which we were unfamiliar!

Spring Heeled Jack.

Maybe it’s just that I find someone whose superpower is going BOING! into the sky not all that intimidating. Maybe that he never actually killed anybody. I mean, it’s all well and good to spit out blue phosphorescent flames, but at a certain point you gotta DO something with them, right? Ah well. Here is the gloriously-voiced Tom Slemen of Liverpool to tell you about Spring Heeled Jack and his friend’s mother…

Armed Chihuahua gang roams Yorkshire!

Soon. In fact, NOW says Evil Chihuahua

Soon. In fact, NOW says Evil Chihuahua

Arm yourselves! Gather your families! Pad your ankles and reinforce your doors, at least up for the first 18 inches. THEY are coming.

According to the Guardian, a gang of Chihuahuas took advantage of the absence of their guards to smash a window with an iron bar, fleeing into the darkness and desolation of the surrounding moors. THEY lurk, even now.

A nationwide hunt is under way for five chihuahuas, including a Crufts champion…

Valenchino Chihuahua Xena, who was named Best Puppy in Breed at Crufts 2014, [escaped] with four other dogs from a house in east Yorkshire on Thursday.

[Keeper] Mal Hilton said he and his partner Lucy Hilton have been devastated by the [escape] of Xena, her grandmother Angel and her mother Io, as well as two others called Pandora and Evie…

Normal chihuahuas sell for around £500.

Wait. What? There is, obviously, no such thing as a “normal Chihuahua.” That is what you call a contradiction in terms.

Evil Chihuahua

Bombay Martini with a Rainbow Chaser

Yup, winter is over. I gather from seeing Game of Thrones memes that for fans of the series that saying’s never quite true, you just have two seasons: bodies don’t rot and bodies do rot. But here in BC (as opposed to AD or even AC/DC) it’s rainbow season, and that’s a good thing.

It’s a rather paranoia-making, creepy-ass thing when you take off from Tsawwassen Ferry Terminal and the mainland vanishes altogether in the mist mere moments after departure. Mountains and all. And them are some big-ass mountainry, I’m saying. It’s even more paranoia-making and creepy-ass when your large industrial ferry is tailed by rainbows all the way through Active Pass, whereupon they execute a 90 degree turn and follow you to Swartz Bay Ferry Terminal.

And speaking of paranoia, why doesn’t Foursquare work on BC Ferries? Eh? Are they really some sort of extra-dimensional transport and the aliens have to block those servers lest we realize we’re really disembarking at a cunningly camouflaged space/ferry port on, say, a minor planet in the Alpha Centauri system?

It’s important to ask the right kinds of questions, in this crazy, mixed-up world. Seriously, when aliens are sending rainbows to trail us for all the world as if they were masterfully inconspicuous master spies…

We're er, tourists from Seattle, baby!

We’re er, tourists from Seattle, baby!

I mean, it’s like being tailed by a herd of airborne My Little Ponies. Honestly, look at this. Aliens! Bitches (or Assholes, as appropriate), please!

Double Sunset Rainbow & BC Ferry Spirit of British Columbia at Swartz Bay Terminal, Vancouver Island

Oh. Wait.

I know what this is.

They have had enough.

Just as in the Olden Time, meaning about the start of April in 2007, the Little People, and by that we do not mean anyone with a reality show about life on the farm, however awesome that show is (even if he IS kind of a dick), are preparing their return. Last time they were turned off by the overwhelmingly unscientific reaction, when the entire world rejected their very existence, physical proof and photos with POLICE EVIDENCE BAGS, HELLO! be damned.

The fairies are back. Prepare to be pixielated!