Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: what did you do yesterday raincoaster edition

I'm a fucking unicorn

I’m a fucking unicorn

Truth be told, I’m not really feeling the whole Unicorn Chaser phenomenon, but it’s fucking Wednesday so here you go with the kyoot kittehs and assorted adorbz shit.

Snuggie-clad ProtoGay Performs Beyonce:

Seriously, The Thuggie should give that kid some money and backup dancers from Glee and shoot their own commercial. 105,000 views in ten days isn’t scruffy.

If that wasn’t gay enough, let’s have a Kiki!

Okay, your unicorn chaser cutemeister is officially outta here.

Dandelion bailing the fuck outta here

Dandelion bailing the fuck outta here

Time to get real. IF this internet will let me (Starbucks, we’re gonna have words, I tell ya; when Wind mobile is faster, you KNOW you’ve got a problem).

So, what did your intrepid blogger do yesterday, you’re all wondering? Yes? Put your plausible faces on, audience, I like a little effort on your part.

  1. Interviewed Anonymous for an hour and a half on the Par:AnoIA leaks site. Got trolled, what do you expect? but survived.
  2. Sent another list of questions to State Rep Dan Gordon of Rhode Island (this is the third time; he says he’ll answer this time, who knows, he even might)
  3. Sent an email interview question list to Brian Vidovic of EXP bar and restaurant, which hopes to open soon IF they can get this tsuris with their liquor license cleared up.
  4. Interviewed John Young, the founder of Cryptome (and a co-founder of WikiLeaks) and god, wasn’t THAT an experience and a half. Post should be up on the Daily Dot tomorrow, and will be epicsauce. Unless your initials are DDB or JA. Or raincoaster. But how did he KNOW I was a deranged terrorist?
  5. Actually got a workout done, 20 minutes on the stationary bike but better than nothing. I’m doing a 30 day boot camp thingy, so far so good.
  6. Deciphered a math puzzle GIF at 4am, found out the original poster back in 2004, found an alternate version of the same puzzle with the opposite result, found the most lucid and easy to follow explanation on the net, and wrote it up for my Morning GIF: the Fibonacci Bamboozle. God I wish I had to go to a party with math nerds, so I could wear a tank dress with a spiral of sequins on it and explain I was wearing “Fibonacci Sequins!”
  7. Tweaked my Adsense account and ads on Lolebrity.net
  8. Set up monetization on my YouTube channel, but for whatever reason I can’t activate it on the video with over a million views. Ranted at Support after taking 45 minutes to FIND support at YouTube.
  9. Storified the epic Twitter battle between the new @AnonymousIRC and @Wikileaks.
  10. Read several apparently-still-classified documents on infosec and learned a great deal.
  11. Scored half price sushi at T&T for dinner, keeping strictly to my No Flour, No Sugar, No Salt diet. Oh, and did all this while getting in an hour and a half of walking as well.
  12. Felt smug right up until falling asleep face-first in my book.

Which reminds me it’s time to get off the internet, jam some food down my gullet, and get my workout in for today. What did I do today? Pitched four stories or five, can’t remember, wrote up the John Young interview, revised it, waited…waited…waited, went and got my other blog posts up.

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What did you do today, raincoaster? Part the whatever

because I’m too tired to look it up, having been awake since Tuesday. And why? Well, part of the reason was that I started a new job at the Daily Dot (and another part of the reason was that my laptop and iPod both conked out on me at the same time). But I got one if not both of them working again and got my story filed and another two to boot, one of which is doing so well the YouTube counter is stuck, which means it’s going up faster than YouTube can count at the moment, which is yay, go me for featuring such a charming and powerful video of Occupy Vancouver.

Which I shall do again here:

It was a bit of a relief to spend so long NOT dealing with trolls, concern or otherwise. But you know what they say…

Haters Gonna Hate! Julian Assange and Me

Haters Gonna Hate! Julian Assange and Me

So, just to double-check, as there is every possibility I may be headed to LA to house-sit for a friend, come February which, I don’t care what April says, really is the cruellest month. Have I made the right choice of career (all others having rejected me out of hand, but that’s their loss HATERS GONNA HATE AMIRITE)?

Let us ask the almighty Interweb:


You Should Be a Script Writer


You are verbal, witty, and expressive. You have probably always had a way with words.

You are intellectual and brainy. You are well read, and you will read anything you can get your hands on.You have a vivid imagination. You can create a whole new world inside your mind.

You love challenges, especially when they involve learning new things. You love to step outside your comfort zone.

How do you spell “Hail Cthulhu” in Elvish?

Occupy Pumpkin Patch

GPOY: Occupy Pumpkin Patch

via Vicki McLeod

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

I had the best costume today, even if the mask didn’t fit very well.

V for Vogue

V for Vogue

The best part was that when people at, say, Starbucks looked surprised and alarmed (and they did) I just said, “Well, we TOLD you to expect us!” and they’d laugh.

Didn’t get the pumpkin carved in time (Elvish characters are a bitch to make without a proper Elven Pumpkin Carving Dagger) so I guess I’ll be eating a lot of curry, soups, and pie [holla, Oxford Comma] in the near future. And even though I had no jack o’ lantern and the porch light was out, I did get a few kids showing up: one four year old Super Mario, one six year old witch, a three year old um something vampiric I guess, and two older kids around twelve, one dressed in civvies and the other at least halfheartedly tried with a boy scout uniform. I rooted through the kitchen in desperation and ended up giving out all the apples. Super Mario Boy, “Oh goody, I LOVE apples!” By the time I remembered the lowfat caramel dip (what do you dip in it, Jenny Craig?) I was all out of Trick or Treaters for this year.

Then the cats and I spent four hours watching the fireworks in the park behind the house. Yes. Four. Hours. Every time there was a pause the black cat would freak out and start frantically pawing at the glass to make it start again. The bizarre thing is, it worked Every. Single. Time. The other cat expressed himself more directly, by expressing himself over the rug which is, thank god, machine washable.

In other news of unholy manifestations, I see that He is risen at last.

That’s right, bitches: Cthulhu is back!

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

As you can clearly see from these before-and-after pictures of the Chao Phraya river, He has returned…to Thailand. Great, do you have any idea how much the airfare will be?

HE could be a little more considerate, knowmasayin’?

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Welcome to Yellowknife

and believe me, I NEED that Flak Jacket lately

and believe me, I NEED that Flak Jacket lately

Keep your shoes on. You’ll see why.

In Vancouver, when we go into someone’s house, we generally take our shoes off; it’s something we probably picked up from Asia, and for those of us who don’t enjoy vacuuming, which is all right-thinking people if you axe me, it makes a great deal of sense.

Not in Yellowknife.

Judging completely by my own experience, for I cannot judge by anyone else’s, not being anyone else (except for icecoaster) and thus not having had their experiences, I would say not only don’t take your shoes off, but you might want to keep that jacket handy as well, and not just because it’s getting chilly lately.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the history of my Great Yellowknife Adventure, here is some background which should fill you in, right up to the present moment. You may want to keep a sick bag handy as well; I don’t make up the facts, I just report them.

So…in Vancouver I live in a co-op, which is both extremely well-situated and extremely affordable, my earnings since I got sick last fall being of the minimal variety, and co-op rates being tied to income. When people ask why my earnings have been minimal, I explain that being self-employed and having to take several months off for health reasons, then, while recovering, jumping back into a market where social media trainers outnumber social media students by a ratio of about two to one is precisely what I believe Forbes defines as your basic “challenging business environment.” So, earnings being minimal, and Vancouver being somewhat less enchanting of late for various and sundry (although, alas, not tawdry; that would be more entertaining) reasons, I cast my eye abroad. Or along. Or above.

And ended up in Yellowknife. My friend Nancy, whom I met on Twitter, sent me a message that Kellett Communications was looking for a digital project manager. We chatted via Skype, they checked me out on LinkedIn, and after a few back and forths they came back and said they’d hired someone with more direct project management experience, but would I be interested in coming up and learning it while they built up the social media side? Well, given the chance to start basically the first social media agency in the NWT, I said Yes! Well duh, of COURSE I did. There’s nothing someone who’s good at something hates so much as not doing that thing, and god knows, I wasn’t doing it in Vancouver, but Yellowknife was like stepping back to, say 2002 in Vancouver in terms of social media: everything was just about to start happening. An awesome opportunity, and while I was up there, I could get involved with a nonprofit or even start my own, bringing the power of the digital revolution to remote communities just as I had to the homeless and the marginalized on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside.

I got a start date (which I managed to miss by a day: my own damn fault for not allowing enough time at the airport, yes, even at 5am) and a sublet; the sublet was amazingly handy. Four blocks from work, fully furnished, and (for Yellowknife) a good price. I should explain something: a good price for Yellowknife is approximately what a Yaletown condo would cost. This is not a place that one could describe as “reasonable” by any means. Or on any level: read on.

The sublet was courtesy of a commenter on Crasstalk, and she’d be gone from June through to the start of October, which was perfect, as I’d know by mid-September whether or not the job would be a go; after you’ve been self-employed since the last century, going back to working for someone else is a big adjustment, and so it proved. Over and over and over again, but more of that anon…

All was going swimmingly for a couple-three weeks, or as swimmingly as anything can go when it involves me waking up before the crack of noon, when I got an email from the woman from whom I was subletting: things weren’t working out down South, she was coming back. Hokay then: we briefly considered her subletting my co-op in Vancouver but:

  1. I’d left it in No Sublettable Condition, having recently taken delivery of a bunch of extra furniture I was supposed to sell (guess what I didn’t have time to put on Craigslist before I left?) and me being at the best of times no great housekeeper; when you add being seriously ill for a period of months and then in recovery from surgery, you have one epic hell of a messy apartment.
  2. My housing agreement (indeed, ALL co-op housing agreements) specifically outlaw subletting, to discourage profiteering.

So. Back she was coming and what was I going to do about it? Well, as it happens I stayed on the futon in her living room till, with Nancy‘s help, I found a shared house with a sympatico-seeming hippie type at a wicked good price for Yellowknife, and arranged to move in August 1. When we parted I said, “So, unless I hear something from you that everything’s gone sideways,” for lo, I am way cautious, verily dudes. For that carpet has been pulled out from my feet already here in YZF, as you can conclude from the above and if you can’t, take some smart pills and read it again, but where was I? Oh yes, “we’re on for the first of August, right?” She nodded and said, “right,” and we were in business.

Cut to August 1.

There I am, trundling up the walkway to the door. There Nancy is, leaning against her mother’s car, ready to help me with my things. And there the hippie is, walking out the door towards me with a shit-eating grin on her face…take it away, icecoaster:

Who YOU calling a tramp, buddy?

Who YOU calling a tramp, buddy?

Oh, guess what. Sorry I didn’t get back to you. I’ve been offline. Camping, actually. So you couldn’t have gotten in touch with me but, anyway, when I didn’t hear from you I just, you know, sort of figured I’d just go ahead and change my mind. Sorryyyyyy. So, yeah.

So.

It’s a good thing I’ve been scouting out charities to volunteer for, because at least I am well-informed about homeless shelter options in Yellowknife.

Cut to August 2.

There I am, beavering away (does not mean what you think it means; you have a dirty mind. That’s why I like you) at Kellett, doggedly learning that Project Management isn’t my favorite thing in the world but oh well, it must be done. And there I am, doing it. Right there on the lunch table. Because I don’t really have a desk, but that’s another story; well, I have a desk, but it’s in the boardroom, which is down the stairs, down the sidewalk a couple of doors, up some other stairs, and down the hall, but that’s neither here nor there, not either desk which I have.

Make that had a desk.

I get an email from the boss: could I come and see him for about 15 minutes? Sure, of course I can; I may be newish to this “employment” thing, but if there’s one thing I know it’s when the boss says, “could you” you say YES. So I said Yes and was even on time when I got there and when I got there he laid me off.

“Not enough social media work, sorry.”

Imagine my joy.

And then he clarified that, no, he wouldn’t be getting me a ticket back to Vancouver.

Being efficient-like, I went back and packed up my lunch supplies and papers and such (although dammit, I did forget that fresh new case of mini-yogurts in the fridge, and when you’re homeless anything you don’t have to heat up is bonus points) and went back to the place I was couch-surfing until I found a house-sit, and emailed the co-op, figuring, not unreasonably, that they would revise their estimation of the housing charges.

No such luck: because I was employed on August 1 (the holiday) I had to pay over $700 for the Vancouver place. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t also had to pay $1400 for the Yellowknife place in July. Between the two of them, my housing charges for the four weeks I was employed exceeded my net pay by a significant amount. And that’s why I can’t just buy my own ticket back to Vancouver.

Today I got an email that because they don’t yet have the ROE from Kellett proving that I was laid off, my housing charges for September are also over $700.

Ah, but there’s more, if you’re still with me. And if you’re not with me, you’re agin me, as old people with single tooths in their heads are wont to say. Why would anyone wont to say that, though? I ask yez.

So. Thanks again to Nancy, I got a really good house-sitting gig for most of August: handy to stores, three stories, jacuzzi, cushy sofa, big tv, lynxes walking down the driveway. Sweet. After that gig ended, the deal was, I stay with Nancy a few days, house-sitting while she was down South, and then on September 1 I crash on my friend’s futon; this was the place I’d originally sublet. She felt bad enough for me to let me crash there for a few weeks until I fly back to Vancouver on the 18th for Social Media Week.

Cut to today.

I open my email and there, in #000000 and #FFFFFF, it is: the email that says Sorry, you can’t stay here.

Indeed. Apparently I cannot.

But wait, I just thought of something...Teepee for me

But wait, I just thought of something...Teepee for me

In the Cards

So there I was, minding everyone else’s business on 7 different social media platforms as one does, when suddenly I saw it. And it’s a good thing I did, because I can’t even find it now, but there it was at the time, right there in front of me in black and white or, as we “in the biz” say, in 000000 and ffffff: a tweet about Julian Assange‘s tarot cards.

Now, I don’t know about you. I only know about me. Do we have to go over this again? But one thing I do know about other people, and particularly people who pride themselves on being mathematically/computorially/autodidactically inclined is, the very existence of things like tarot cards offends them on some level.

So, naturally, I forwarded the information about Julian Assange‘s tarot cards to the head of the JulianAssangeFanciersGuild. And who among us would not have done the same, I asks yez? Eh?

Quite.

Some time later I got chatting with the tarot card reader (a tarot card reader who does readings via Twitter: welcome, in one perfect swoop of fellage, to the Twenty-First Century) and she offered to do a reading for me, for free. And as I’m inordinately fond of that particular F Word, I accepted, and that with what I believe is called alacrity. And while you’ll have to do without Julian’s reading, for lo I cannot find it, you can read mine, and it is VERY entertaining, particularly if you know anything about tarot.

Now, you can argue whether or not it “works,” but the one thing you cannot argue is that it is very, very, VERY, and did I mention VERY unlikely that any person’s reading will consist entirely of Major Arcana, ie facecards, over multiple readings and, indeed, multiple readers.

But.

Somehow, it always works out this way for me. Al. Ways.

And so it was this time, mathematically impossible as it was.

To everything, turn turn turn, there is a seasoning WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

To everything, turn turn turn, there is a seasoning WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and I think it's giving off radiation WHAT DO I DO???

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and I think it's giving off radiation WHAT DO I DO???

What can I say? He made me do it!

What can I say? He made me do it!

Hang it all, Houdini!

Hang it all, Houdini!

Well, can’t disagree with THAT now, can we?

and some further remarks I got via DM:

they follow each other. Resurection 2 regeneration/gestation

I read both neg and pos as part of the read. Positive if best happens. Neg if u fuck up! Either possible according 2 ur actions. Open future….

Freedom…reads situation and best and worst outcome…depends on how u handle it,,,,

So hanged man is the persecuted or the Ego B4 tranSformation. And Death is Transmutation or Inertia/Slow Change. Either can happen..

It a Eyes Wide Open Conscious Choice.,free 2 choose….the old free will thing…it says choose w caution…here’s situation and ur CHOICES

And I choose: to take this as an easy blog post! So, I’m ahead on that whole “productivity” thing already!