Category Archives: writing

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Forum Follies: I CAN’T HEER U!

People sometimes ask me why I spend so much time answering questions in the WordPress.com technical support forums.

For the lulz, people. For the lulz.

  1. I SELL VIVID ICU MEDICAL FICTION.
    I WANT MISSPELLED NAMES OF OTHER MEDICAL SITES TO BE REDIRECTED TO MY SITE.
    HEY, THEY MIGHT BUY MY BOOK.
    HOW DO I DO THIS?
    I OWN DOMAIN MAPPING FOR MY SITE LUNGLORD.COM.
    AS FOR YOUR HELP- MUCH APPRECIATED.
    BUT BE SPECIFIC. ONE TWO THREE FOUR.
    I AM A WRITER NOT COMPUTER CLEVER.

    HELP ME OF WORDPRESS SAGES YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE.

    LUNGLORD

  2. Please stop posting all in capitals – it’s making my ears hurt.

  3. Aaaaaagh! Stop SHOUTING! No need for the capitals, we’re not all blind as bats.

  4. THEY DONT CALL HIM THE LUNG LORD FOR NOTHING YOU NOW

  5. EH? SPEAK UP! :)

  6. IS YOUR BOOK IN ALL CAPS TOO? IN COMIC SANS?

  7. When someone in cyberspace is TYPING AN ENTIRE SENTENCE OR PARAGRAPH IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, that person is SHOUTING. It is not proper netiquette to TYPE IN ALL CAPS and it makes whatever you typed very difficult for others to read.

  8. WHAT???

    And you would just have to find out by looking at popular websites. that’s the only way.

  9. thank you al fur the same crticsm- that n my haste I just typed nd ntered wen i should hve throughly and prrecisely proofed mi text furst for errorrrs beford subbmiting. Hooever isn charge canned delete this quession fur my grate offinse to protocol. tank you all for c ing past the superficiality of my hummble errrorr and helping mee. It is guud to know peeepole thgat though they correct u they also go a head and help you two.

  10. It only works as parody if we have reason to believe it’s not your house style.

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God Is Dead; Long Live …

Existential rage comic iz existential

Existential rage comic iz existential

“Fuck”?

It’s true: Fuck is now the most important word in the English language, and it’s all Nietzsche’s fault. Oh sure, blame Nietzsche. Jump on the bandwagon.

Here’s the late Osho (aka Chandra Mohan Jain aka Acharya Rajneesh aka Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) explaining how the death of god has elevated this once-humble ejaculation to pre-eminent status.

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Palin Poetry: The Palinleaks Haikus

New Shakespalin

New Shakespalin

Many and varied are the treasures of the internet, and the greatest of these may be HaikuFinder. After spending far too much time trying to download and run the damn thing (okay, i got the program…and now I need to install Python? And then I need to hack a workaround into Vista, which won’t run Python? And then I need to disable my virus protection so it can run? and whatever, dudes) I find out there’s a website. Paste in the words aye wallah! Your Haiku: dey are fownd.

So, presumably the Python script etcetera exist so you can Haiku-ify top secret documents without the off-chance that Wikileaks will find your sooper-sekrit poetry stash? Okay then!

In related news, it’s obvious to the most casual observer of the Contemporary Poetry Scene that we are not the first to take a stab at finding the poetry in Palinisms: There was Slate’s fictional Palintry roundup, The Utne Reader’s architectonic analysis of an interview, Prospect Magazine (yes, even in the UK, which reminds me, did you see Mike Tyson at the Oxford Union? Oscar Wilde is spinning like a turbine, I’m telling you), and, of course, a year later the Huffington Post. And this book:

Tap that!

Tap that!

And, of course,William Fucking Shatner.

As you may be aware, the Great State and Future Province of Alaska has recently released all of Sarah Palin’s emails (now, Republicknuts, keep your panties on: they’re redacted) for your reading pleasure, and we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have taken this one step further by running said emails through the HaikuFinder, and here are the results [who, by the way, is this "Tibbles" who gets cc'd in on so much? Her cat?]:

Continue reading →

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Operation Global Media Domination: the intellectual situation

We’ll try not to be smug about this.

Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain't one

Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain't one

We will fail.

Today we got a link and some actually decent traffic because a post from the ol’ raincoaster blog was excerpted at the International Journal of Baudrillard Studies, bringing to four the number of universities which have used this blog in either their academic publications or their course materials.

This almost makes up for a recent, and high-profile, local blogging conference at whose keynote someone else was publicly thanked, at length, for the job that I did. No, really, that was me. On the other hand, I guess this makes me the Executive Director of W2 by default; I sure hope the salary is good!

But I’m SO over that!

In bonus good news news: our Iron Maiden/Bollywood mashup unicorn chaser is going the teensiest bit viral, and if you’ve clicked Play you know why. And speaking of music, we know the music on our WWII Dogfights in Colour YouTube video is intolerable, but we got paid $95 to put it on and if you want it off, make us a better offer.

We note further that the appalling music hasn’t stopped it from getting over one million hits. Let’s give it a few more, eh?

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Help Us Help You Help Us All: The Shebeen Club May Meeting!

Mr. Grumpy Pants

Shamelessly stolen from the Shebeen Club, which is officially as of right now no longer my baby! Yes, I wrapped it in swaddling clothes and put it in a wicker basket and took it down to the river and…found out wicker baskets don’t float, so I complained online until somebody solved my problem, as per usual.

Why so serious, pookie?

Has your writing career got you down? Things not falling into your lap like those unicorn rainbows and lollipop dreams would have it? Wondering what to do and how to do that (short of offering to sleep with Jack McClelland)?

THEN YOU NEED TO COME TO THE MAY MEETING OF THE SHEBEEN CLUB!

What with raincoaster heading off to places to our north so as to discover new alcohol-based uses for ice, The Shebeen Club is being forced on a new sucker transferred to a new, bright, shining set of hands! Ian Alexander Martin (a guy comfortable with writing about himself in the 3rd person) wants to know what you — yes, you – want to see in the meetings!

Come on down to the Rebel Room, put him in a sleeper hold, and then calmly explain what you need to learn about and who should explain it to you as a presenter.

The best way to get what you want is to say what that is. No one is willing to admit they can read minds, so join us on Tuesday, May 24th at 7pm for a timely, lively discussion by you and other intelligent people who are writers, publishers, literary agents, PR and Media people, or just plain people involved in that Publishing Biz. Bring your questions, suggestions, and your brain!

As always, tickets are $20 in advance [Eventbrite Link; let us know you're coming and we'll give you the early bird price] (available till May 23rd) or $25 at the door, and that includes dinner and a drink. The venue is the upstairs lounge at Revel Room, 238 Abbott Street just south of Gastown.

  • Revel Room: 238 Abbott Street just south of Gastown [need a map? CLICK HERE]
  • JUST $20!! GET YOUR TICKETS HERE! [Eventbrite Link!] includes dinner!
  • …or, bring $25 cash on the evening
  • Tuesday, May 24th
    • 7:00 – 7:30 meet & mingle
    • 7:30 – 8:00-ish listen & learn

Selah.