Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean it’s NOT a conspiracy.

The Stormtrooper of Love

Not sure what to get That Special Someone on This Special Day? If he’s anything like this guy, I recommend the newly-released Kalashnikov 5. Yes, that’s right: they released the newest AK-47 just in time for Valentine’s Day. How thoughtful of them.

As for me, well, is there any question what I want? And I didn’t get it for Christmas, either.

They simply flock to him

mummified cottingley fairy is mummified, akshuly

This time not in Devonshire; this time, it’s a Yorkshire fairy, eeeeh bee goom.

Well, strike me mum! Here’s yet more proof (if any were in fact required, and we are ALL ABOUT PROOF around these parts, as you know) that dead fairies are real. Or. Well. WERE real and are now post-real and in fact mummified, if not petrified, and who knew they had stagefright in the first place, eh?

Answer me that!

Yes, today via Propnomicon comes word that back in the dark days of January another former fairy has come to light from the collection of a prominent also-formerly-alive American archaeologist. Here is the update, via the El Dodo Albino news organization:

Octavius Zedock was a prominent cryptozoologist belonging to the Theosophical Society in New York who dedicated his life to the study of creatures whose existence has been denied by science for years.
His research was extensive and in his lifetime collected a large number of specimens not officially classified, and that for years have been kept by the Company. Today, the silence was broken and the specimens come to light for the first time … is time to learn, it’s time to discover the truth behind the myths.
The specimen collected in the city of Cottingley , England in the 20′s, shows the reality of the existence of fairies. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was right, there was something magical in the forests of that place…

There is more, but I can’t read Spanish anymore than I can read Elvish (somewhat less, thanks to a miss-spent youth, actually) so you’ll have to Babelfish it yourselves.

The emergence of this long-lost mummy raises interesting questions about the cultural heritage of the UK, particularly in the age of the EU. Can the country prevent its fairies from slipping away to foreign shores in the company of shifty Yanks in khakis? Only time, at about ₤300 an hour, can tell.

This forms the latest in our ongoing scientific investigation of the very real, and very hushed-up, phenomenon of dead fairies. If you have or are a dead fairy, or even a live one, you are encouraged to contact the editor of this blog via the comments section here or on the original Mummified Fairy post, where you will have lots of company. About 2200 iterations of company, in fact.

stop poisoning your body with FOOD!

And just as I update you all with my busy, busy life, it all comes to a complete stop, thanks to a bout of food poisoning. This wouldn’t normally be a big deal, as I AM trying to lose weight except:

1. Thanks to construction on the building, there’s no power in my apartment right now, and it’ll be Monday before the power is back.
2. Meaning it’s pitch-black in there, and I have no candles, batteries for flashlights, etc, and it’s a long way till payday
3. The toilet is blocked. Parse that: I have food poisoning and the toilet is blocked.
4. My plunger moved to the West Side when the neighbor I’d loaned it to moved away.

So, typical for me. I finally get a computer that works like lightning AND a wind stick so I can work at home, and the power goes out so I can only work for an hour off the battery AND I get brutally sick so I can’t go work in cafes.

Typical. See the well-known sociological principle of the Law of Conservation of Catastrophe.

Teenythulhu Rises!

via Archie

It’s been awhile since we had any spectacular tentacular action here, and I aim to get correcting that ASAP. As soon as I can free myself from the tentacles of Operation Global Media Domination, that is: I’ve taken on the Morning GIF on the DailyDot, plus my other work, including a kickass interview of Christine Assange, Julian’s mother, which should be coming out today sometime; I’m teaching at EatDrinkTweet, a three-day conference in the Okanagan for social media, wine, and food (always an epic good time and great learning too); I have a backlog approximately three years deep of posts for the food blog; and I’m working with ACTUALLY FAMOUS productivity expert Mike Vardy on developing an entire line of learning products for people who aren’t handy to one of our Social Flow workshops. Oh AND thanks to re-reading my friend Alanna‘s book for the third time, I’m now doing some WordPress and social media work for her while she looks for other opportunities for me.

Hence the Blogthings, picture posts, etc. We shall return to our regularly scheduled perving, swearing, politicking, and absurdism anon.

Oscar Wilde is Anonymous

Dwight is right. Dubstep sucks.

Well, now we know who to blame: Fun Fun, an Italian disco act of major attitude and minor talent. They were, in fact, so bad at disco that they turned it into dubstep, which is the least that it deserves for all what it put us through back in the day. So here, with or without further ado, is Happy Station, the song that started it all. This video has everything 2012 and nothing 1983 except the cropped sweatshirts: zombies, robotic dance moves, surrealism, a Token Black Guy, and shameless camera hogging by that blonde with the side ponies.

via ThingsISawThatILove

Of course, since it’s dubstep, that Happy Station is probably a Numbers Station.