Julian Assange plays strip scrabble with raincoaster. We ALL win!

Wouldn’t you like to see the secret stash of deliciousness from The Artist Formerly Known as HarryHarrison (at least to users of nerdlink filing-cabinet sites and OK Cupid; think of delicious as Tumblr but for nerds, not hipsters)?

Yes, of COURSE you would, you sick perv, you.

Behold, the collected bookmarks of Julian Assange:

• 24 JUL 06

  Knots in Art SAVE | SHARE

• 15 JUL 06

  AUDITORY list home page SAVE | SHARE

• 14 JUL 06

  [quant-ph/9905039] Experimental realization of Popper’s Experiment: Violation of the Uncertainty Principle?SAVE | SHARE

• 11 JUL 06

  Gogol Bordello (band) SAVE | SHARE [Oh, Julian, you hipster wannabe] 

• 08 JUL 06

  Voltaire and Emilie du Chatelet SAVE | SHARE [yeah, no wonder I love this man]

• 07 JUL 06

  Companies Office SAVE | SHARE 

• 02 JUL 06

  Analogies Between Analogies: The Mathematical Reports of S.M. Ulam and his Los Alamos Collaborators SAVE | SHARE

• Access The Great Books SAVE | SHARE [do you think he'll put his OWN book here, or insist you buy via Amazon affiliate link?] 

• 30 JUN 06

  [physics/0606229] Definability in Physics SAVE | SHARE

• [physics/0606240] The Constancy of the Velocity of Light as Realization of Mach’s Principle SAVE | SHARE

  

  Julian Assange teacup shot. Is that a venti?

  
  

And so on. At least he lost interest and got busy with Wikileaks before adding the obligatory “I’m in my late 30′s and still want to pull hipster chicks” nod to Arcade Fire.

Still, Arcade Fire DID do this:

for which the fact they are an ageing hipster’s favorite band is forgiven, because this particular iteration of this particular song is the great protest anthem of our time. We’re not as raw as The Clash, but our riots aren’t just Quiet: they’re silent, but for the clicking of keys on an iMac. Vaguely apologetic but inexorable, conscious of the past and very much aware of this moment in history, twee, precious, metrosexual but somehow effective nonetheless; yup, this is us, right here, right now. But where was I?

Oh yes, perving on Julian Assange, checking out four year old bookmarks, and introducing our celebrity gossip links for today.

Links: You just can’t get enough, you insatiable pervs!

The Masked Bandit of Chinatown a tragidramedary in three parts. Is one sexy masked Cary Elwes lookalike too much to ask, O Cruel Universe? IS IT, MOTHERFUCKER??? (raincoaster)

Social media trainer overcome by uncontrollable urge to self-promote in celebrity gossip roundup LAST CHANCE TO REGISTER FOR TOMORROW’S SOCIAL MEDIA WORKSHOP MOTHERFUCKERS! (raincoastermedia)

Mystery Sockster REVEALED! Did you guess the holey celebrity correctly? and no, I am not going to use the word motherfucker this time. Oh, damn. (Ayyyy)

DUCK AND UNCOVER: the Holy Hand Grenade Cocktail! Complete with 1200 words, several pictures, some cheap jokes, a YouTube of Bert from Sesame Street doing a Travis Bickle impersonation, and one recipe. (Manolofood)

DON’T TEXT WITH TEXAS or something like that. Remember when Lawrence Fishburne stopped King Lear dead and bawled out someone in the audience whose phone was going off? Yeah, this is like that. In Texas. (Crasstalk)

The HOFFSICKLE, BITCHES! I’d have to wash my own mouth out with soap if I put this in there. In related news, can you get chlamydia in your mouth? No reason I ask. (AgentBedhead)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE NAVARRO. He’s going to celebrate by marrying two lesbian strippers and starting a trend to smoke heroin from a corncob pipe while riding a tricycle. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Bimbo got back! Royal In-Law got second place. And EVERYBODY’s got too much eyeliner lately. Get offa my lawn. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Brigitte Neilson still ticking at minute 17 of her celebrity. Congratulations on your new I BOINKED THE SPERMINATOR newsworthyness after all this time. (CelebritySmack)

Coming soon: Jason Mraz engaged to James Franco. And ALSO probably confessing affair with Ahnold. (CelebVIPLounge)

Honest to blog, I thought this said Nicholas Cage’s son was hospitalized for Mental Evacuation. WAY funnier that way. (DailyStab)

Morning television just got a little nippier, thanks to Khloe Kardashian. Like, MANHOLE COVER levels of nippier. (EarSucker)

David Beckham WANTS Justin Bieber. I…I…uh… (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrities wearing the “Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey Chapeau.” MAIS OUI! Vieux Chapeaux sont le Dernier Cri et le Nouvelle Vague et c’est tout de mon Francais que je can remembre? BON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Weiner eats crow, Fallon-style. This is NOT a gay porno, I promise! (HaveUHeard)

The hottest metal band you would never believe ROCK OUT! No, seriously, that’s actually them! (HelloGiggles)

My mother always used to say when you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas. In other news, SOMEBODY BOINKED A KARDASHIAN again. (HollywoodHiccups)

This headline makes it totally sound like  zombie porn. Would YOU see zombie porn? I so totally would watch the hell out of a dirty version of Carnival of Souls. In unrelated news, where’d I put that DVD? (INeedMyFix)

Who cares if there’s no story here, it’s a picture of GERARD BUTLER SURFING, PEOPLE! (MathewGuiver)

The decorative and doubtless charming and erudite Matt Bomer gives me a LADY BOMER if you know what I mean and hey, I think you do. Yes, this is what I do for a living. Mother would be so proud. (SwoonWorthy)

A Champagne company sponsored an event where there were hot polo players and Hugh Jackman and DIDN’T INVITE ME??? That’s it, my publicist is fired! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

All hail the socialist republic of Canucksistan!

All hail the newly-born socialist republic of Canucksistan! My predictive abilities have been pretty good recently, so I say the nation should last something like, oh, seven games plus overtime.

What do you mean you don’t worship the Canucks? Don’t you know they can fly, bitches? THEY CAN FLY!

Canucks can totally fly, a result of pixie dust produced in Canada's gay-friendly bars

Also, you really, really don’t want to piss off their supporters. No, you really don’t.

Then again, maybe you do.

Contrary to the title, the boobs are not actually flashbulbs

In any case, there are in Canuckistan currently no bigger celebrities than the Canucks (except maybe Ann Murray, of course) but as a token of appreciation for our foreign readers we hereby present the celebrity gossip roundup, one day late because apparently I’m so hot I can’t write uninterrupted in a public place anymore. At least yesterday the men bought be drinks: the one today just tried to break a window. On the other hand, that could be the difference between the DTES and Yaletown…

Alec Baldwin busts his cherry! Twitter virginity: it’s happened to all of us! (raincoaster)

How many Britney fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No, seriously, how many? Take off your socks if you have to… (Ayyyy)

Sunday Food Porn! Sushi Sunday! Not bad, for a legally blind photographer. (Manolofood)

Conan O’Brien’s Coyote Morning. OMG she’s so totally under age! (Lolebrity)

Chicken Soup for the Young Witch. Which really should include the advice to read better books, you’d think. (AgentBedhead)

Chris Isaak brings the fur! I…I’m nearly speechless. Wetsuit. Fur. Um… (BusyBeeBlogger)

Snooki vs Cops! Why does the stubby sexpot always end up on the losing end of these exchanges with the law? CONSPIRACY! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Divorcing Celebrities celebrate Memorial Day! Shop till you drop/straddle a penis replacement. Guess which is the Kennedy. (CelebritySmack)

The Girl with the Most Awesome Movie Trailer. Or dragon tattoo. But everybody I know has one of those. Just me then? Just me? (CelebVIPLounge)

Sean Kingston and his plus one admitted to Emergency, bypassing the velvet rope. In related news, people have serious accidents on JetSki’s? (DailyStab)

Good news/Bad news: In Good News news, next generation Kardashians are unable to replicate. In Bad News news, they may still be sleeping with your children. (EarSucker)

Selma Blair much less intolerable pregnant. In related news, Selma Blair pregnant (who knew? who cared?) (FitFabCeleb)

Top THAT! 15 Stars wearing top hats: if Only I were one. My top hat fetish is a remnant of my 80′s upbringing. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Miley Cyrus makes it easy for the TSA. And also gossip bloggers looking for cheap shots. (HaveUHeard)

“Hobbit” teasers. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (HollywoodHiccups)

Adorable mentally impaired person proposes to Lady Gaga on Twitter. No response yet. (INeedMyFix)

Born this way: deeply in debt. Oh, who can’t relate to this? (MathewGuiver)

Britney hates Brazil? Don’t cry for her! (PoorBritney)

And this is WHY the Bielebers hate Selina Gomez. Because you don’t get a figure like that lying around your Scarborough bedroom listening to YouTubes! (TheSkinny)

More Pink! More Plump! More Plus! Oh come on, who doesn’t love this woman? More of her is ALWAYS better! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Related articles

• Ladner farm names five spring foals after Canucks (theprovince.com)
• Stanley Cup finalists welcome Winnipeg to NHL (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Stanley Cup Finals: Canucks Can Be 1st Canadian Team to Win Cup Since 1993 (bleacherreport.com)

in related news, here’s Chad Vader’s cover.

Stick it to zombies with this bedtime story for grownups (raincoaster)
Does Sharon Stone bathe in virgin’s blood? (Ayyyy)
Sarah Jessica Parker reeks of the open grave (Lolebrity)
I’m going as this spicy hot stuff for Halloween (ManoloFood)
Welcome your weekend of horror (CelebrityBeehive)
Lindsay Lohan to be saved from fate as flesh-eating monster (AgentBedhead)
Well, that’s ONE way to get a vampire’s attention (BusyBeeBlogger)
Can one of these heros save us? (CeleBitchy)
The sex tape rumour that Will! Not! Die! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Every Day is Halloween! (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity Halloween treats (CityRag)
I’m sorry, Anne Hathaway, but this is horrifying (CojoStyle)
Kim Kardashian makes the punchlines too easy (DailyStab)
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is not long for this world (DListed)
Damien? (Earsucker)
Hideous corpse walks the Earth, needs pants (EvilBeet)
The year they cancelled Halloween (fourfour)
Zombie Justice for Anna Nicole Smith (GabbyBabble)
The Story That Will Not Die continues (GirlsTalkinSmack)
The Shoes That Will Not Die rise again (HaveUHeard)
Unspeakable golem creature forces human into servitude (INeedMyFix)
Jude Law vs Cthulhu! (JustJared)
The Halloween Hater’s guide (Movieline)
Emma Roberts calls for help! (PerezHilton)
Elusive creature sighted (PoorBritney)

Ashes to Ashes, Beer to Pee

This week is over. Let’s raise a glass of … frankly, anything handy; I’m not fussy… to that!

And now, your Friday gossip link roundup:

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Shadow of a Superstar (Ayyyy)
Katherine Heigl gets the new Colonic Facial (CelebrityBeehive)
Herman. Pee-Wee Herman. (Lolebrity)
Fresh, free-range Hamm (Gawker)
War Dog of the Week (Warning: sappy) (ForeignPolicy)
That’s no lady! (AgentBedhead)
Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds with James Franco (AmyGrindhouse)
Dolph Lundgren is just asking for it (BusyBeeBlogger)
Dora the Explorer on the rocks (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan is not such a twit anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kim Kardashian’s snack tray holds a drink (CelebritySmack)
Britney weaned the kids off Cosmos (CityRag)
Cojo vs Ronald McDonald (CojoStyle)
Amy Winehouse crashes a lap (CrazyDaysAndNights)
Wino has “something” up her nose (INeedMyFix)
I SAID, Pull up yo damn pants! (Crunk&Disorderly)
Awww, I bet on Aeschylus (DailyStab)
Sienna Miller loves dressing up in Grandma’s outfits (DListed)
Is Renee Zellweger Bridget Jones or Jennifer Aniston? (EvilBeet)
Gooooood morning, Republicans! (HaveUHeard)
Snooki is a lobster racist! (IBBB)
80′s cartoon trivia quiz (LitelySalted)
Grover stars in new Old Spice campaign (MovieLine)
Amy Winehouse’s Taxi Driver (PerezHilton)
Weird celebrity fetish news (SeriouslyOMG)
Creepy celebrity dolls (ASL)

Soon, I’ll have enough time to do more than just linkposts! Because if there’s some reason I’m too busy to do them, I will hunt that reason down and I will stab it in the eyeball with a chopstick. I promise.

Grover paid his dues the old-fashioned way, starting as a shoeshine monster and making his way as a waiter/comedian on the mean streets of Queens, until the day he was talent-scouted by the youthful duo of Ernie and Bert, auditioned for a new television project of theirs, and his fortune was made. Big Bird lucked out and made it on his first audition, if you believe the official storyline; unofficially, it’s believed that his never-seen but well-connected (Bunbury-ish?) Granny Bird had something to do with getting the clueless yet appealing big lug such a high-profile gig.

Elmo? Well, we’ve discussed Elmo.

Oscar’s story is a little different, a little more universal, a little more … dare we say it? Tragic.