Monthly Archives: May 2006

Headline o’ the Day: Bust in Vagina Theft

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From the Ottawa Sun via Fark, bottom story. Um, so to speak.

BUST IN VAGINA THEFT

A 19-year-old man faces a theft charge after a hand-held vagina was stolen from an adult video store in Kingston. Police said the suspect allegedly selected the sex toy, ran from the Bath St. store and was chased by a staffer. Police found the man 10 minutes after the $80 toy was stolen. "We found him around the corner — and he had used it," said Const. Neil Finn. The toy was apparently dumped after being used and was not recovered.

You know, I was gonna make a joke about the Hand-Held Vagina, but I figured they'd never let me back on The Drive again. Probably repossess my Alanis Morrisette albums, too.

what oft was thought, but ne’er so well expressed

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True wit is nature to advantage dressed,
What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed,
Something, whose truth convinced at sight we find,
That gives us back the notion of the mind.
( Alexander Pope, "An Essay On Criticism" [1711] part 2, lines 297-300)

And wasn't it Shaw (it was always Shaw, Wilde, or Dorothy Parker) who said that the difference between nonfiction and novels was that anyone could read their own biography and think "ah, my secret is safe" while Anna Karenina would read Anna Karenina and burst out crying, "How did he know? How did he know?"

Not that this has anything to do with the video which follows, a version of Sleepless in Seattle recut as a horror movie, and not that I have recognized anything, ever. So stop looking at me like that.

And I'm not defensive, either.

Stolen heartlessly from the Ireneo's Memory blog.

Linkie o’ the Day: Kaleidoscope Generator

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Boratoscope

Really, isn't the Borat Pic just much, much prettier this way? I think so too. And I got it by using the Kaleidoscope Generator, which takes any pic on the Internet and fractures it decoratively. Another keeper from the Generator Blog.

Clerks II: the YouTube trailer and the making of the YouTube trailer

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The real scandal is that Goatee Boy here only got the part because of the outrageous salary demands on the part of Kevin Smith, the original Silent Bob. The director and producer simply refused, after a long attempt at negotiaions, to deal with the volatile star, and who among us can blame them?

And is it my imagination, or does Smith call us "You tubers" in some clever couch-potato referencing action?

Naw, he'd never do that!

Reno? 5 HP, tops

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Borat? A 5-HP Reno

From Defamer comes this ghastly photo and report. Sacha Baron Cohen's endearingly clueless Eastern European avatar Borat has been mistaken for the even-less-decorative-and-more-highly-scented Jean Reno.

we'll never live down the one where we recently misidentified Dakota Fanning as "Bruce Willis' favorite dominatrix"–whoops!

For those who pay attention to such things, the Hollywood Reporter has taken the original pic down. Awwwwwwww. This is why mirror sites and renegade bloggers exist, people: so that you may enjoy an unimpaired view of Borat's furry treasure trail, free from mainstreaming corporate namby-pambyism.