Monthly Archives: May 2006

The T Factor: Japan Edition (plus Welcome to the Blogroll: Japanprobe)

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From James' Japanprobe site, which is a cabinet of curiosities not to be missed by those who encounter the Japanese on a daily basis, and which I shall blogroll immediately.

In any case, it appears that what Americans are to Canadian tourist sites, so Koreans are to the Japanese. Bringing your own food to restaurants does indeed beat out the Yanks's hearty bellows of, "Y'all got chicken-frah'd stay-uk?" in the tackiness stakes. Read on for more tales of unspeakable gaucheness.

go to red alert!

Vulgarity: the one true international language.

Behold, the island of Tsushima: a small Japanese island near Korea. Ten years ago only a few hundred Korean tourists visited the island each year. For some reason that number has increased to 40,000 Korean tourists each year! Let’s focus on the rude ones!

Canterbury Spam: Geoffrey Chaucer’s inbox

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From, obviously, Geoffrey Chaucer's blog or is that bloggue. Medieval BathhousesReally, you must go read the whole thing.

II. An churlish proposicioun of anatomical alchemie! (Mayster Gower, peraventure thys shal be of aide to thee?)

TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: AUGMENTULA SALES (492499@chanounsalchemie.com)
RE: BE SURE SHE CRITH NOT ‘TEE HEE’ AT THEE

A man werkynge wyth an mighi plowe can simplie plowe a bettir furrough than a man with a tinye plowe!

Woldstow haue a mighti plowe or a tinye oon?

Order AUGMENTULA todaye, and thou shalt experience the lyf-chaunginge benefittes thousandes of goode men haue whyle on the AUGMENTULA programme! Manye do witnesse grete increses yn the girth, lengthe, and potencie of the membrum virile, and do paye the debte of mariage yn gretere amountes than evir bifor. Finallie thou kanst marrye AND burne at the same tyme!

Maybe I should hook him up with those penis-scientists from a few posts ago…maybe he could get them some unicorn tissue to work with or sumpin'.

actual work occurs in Capitol Building; go to red alert

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Cheetos for ChickenhawksUnfamiliar with the sounds of people doing productive work, the US Senate made desperate 911 calls reporting gunfire, and at least one staffer left the building by gurney, having suffered a panic attack. Sploid reports:

The entire Capitol complex had been in lock down since about 10:30 a.m. when police received reports of shots fired. The Senate had been in session at the time of the incident. the House had already snuck of for the first official "summer Friday" of the year, except for the House Intelligence Committee.

At around 11:00 a.m. an email was sent out by the U.S. Capitol police:

The US Capitol Police are continuing to investigate the report of gunshots in the Rayburn House Office Building. The Rayburn Building and garages are shut down at this time. The Longworth and Cannon Office Buildings and other garages are not affected. The Capitol Building is open for above ground access but the tunnels remain closed. As soon as the police have completed clearing the garage levels, they will begin search the remainder of the Rayburn Building beginning on the top floor and working down.

"It's a little unsettling to get a Blackberry message put in front of you that says there's gunfire in the building," said Rep. Peter Hoekstra.

And naturally, given the relative likelihoods of murderous rampages versus honest labour in the halls of the US government, the lawmakers jumped to the obvious conclusion. That they were wrong is truly a tragedy for our age.

It now appears that the source of the shots that rang throughout the garage at the Rayburn building was actually a pneumatic hammer being used to repair an elevator.

Nerdgasm: can’t touch this; not sure you wanna

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World of Warcraft vs Guildwars, set to "Can't touch this" by MC Hammer.

And yes, that is a link to his honest-to-gawd blog.

The Irish Heather’s painting and its story

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Update: raincoaster has discovered that the following is an Urban Legend. See the comments section for an update from Sean Heather, and stand by for a new post with the true story. Live and learn; thus are myths born. 

Wednesday, October 02, 2002Irish Heather Painting

I know a little bit about Sean Heather.

And I know a little bit about Fireman.

And I say it was 50/50. But what do I know?

There's a big painting hanging on the wall of the Irish Heather, a big whopper of a canvas with a lively depiction of the staff, the owners and a great many of the regulars, all much bigger and grinnier than in the life, but then that is how Fireman paints them.

Now, guess what Fireman does for a dayjob. Right the first time! But when he is not climbing ladders to rescue kitties or hauling hose to quench flames he is a painter and caricaturiste extraordinaire, vraiment, and in the true artistic tradition he has been known to be just a bit…sensitive…sometimes. Not that that is bad, but I think we can all give thanks that he does not apply the same exquisite sense of discretion and inspiration to, say, answering a fire alarm as he does to, say, painting the staff, owners and regulars of a pub.

Now they say he did two of them, the big paintings. And they hung one up in the front of the bar, right where everyone could see it and say, gee your chin isn't nearly that pointy or other silky phrases, depending on if they knew she was married. What they did with the other does not matter, which is good, as I do not know.

But they did not pay very promptly, or not very well, or somehow not to the liking of the Fireman, he of the artistic temperament. Oh, can't you just see this coming?

One evening the place was in full swing. The walls can throb, it gets that busy, and it was, it was that busy, that night. And Fireman walks in. Without a word to anybody he walks over to the built-in seating along the wall, hops up on it (being not only artistic but also, apparently, flexible too) stares eye to eye with the image of Sean Heather in his very own painting. Then, keeping the stare going he takes a knife out of his pocket and slowly cuts the face out. He puts the knife back in his pocket. He puts the face in his pocket. He gets down. He walks out.

I believe the bill was settled shortly after that, and the second painting is the one you see.